i really enjoy having sex with my bf but i have difficulty reaching orgasm during sex (and i do not in any way blame my bf for that!) we have used a vibrating cock ring before which was fun, but i recently bought myself a vibrator, to use alone but also in the hope that my bf might want to use it with me. he has always tried to encourage me to be open with him about sex and talk about what i like and what i want, so i though he would be open minded about this too, but he got really upset about it and says he feels inadequate and rejected. he also thinks that the more i use my vibrator, the more disappointed i will be when i have sex with him.
i would appreciate a male opinion on this to help me inderstand why he has reacted so badly, and would love to hear any advice on how i can try to get him to enjoy this with me, cos i really dont want to have to give up my vibrator!
Hi i'm not male but i thought i'd reply anyway, what sort of vibe have you got? Maybe if it was a bullet he wouldn't feel inadequate. He clearly knows you don't reach orasm easily, if i was you i would ask him if he would like to try having sex without anorgasm for a couple of weeks and see how he feels at the end of it! I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but he seems a bit selfish.
As a man i personally have never felt theatened my gfs toys. i engourage her to get bigger 1s lol dont know what that says about me. i personally find it a huge turn on knowing my girl is using 1.
He may feel if the toy is a lot bigger than him theatened by the size, maybe he feels hes not good enough him self because u struggle to reach the big o.
Try engourage him mayb just to watch you use it. Something my gf and i both love is her giving me a bj as she uses 1. she enjoys cause shes get pleasure and having my cock in her mouth turns her on more. and which man doesnt enjoy a bj very few. plus its so sexy for me when she reachs her orgasm and you feel her moaning around ur shaft.
plus mayb bondage tie him to chair, make him watch you use it then b4 you reach ur orgasm or after if u want more fuck him then. use it as a turn on for him to.
As my gf says to me no matter how good the toy. a real cock allways feels better.
As a man i personally have never felt theatened my gfs toys. i engourage her to get bigger 1s lol dont know what that says about me. i personally find it a huge turn on knowing my girl is using 1.
He may feel if the toy is a lot bigger than him theatened by the size, maybe he feels hes not good enough him self because u struggle to reach the big o.
Try engourage him mayb just to watch you use it. Something my gf and i both love is her giving me a bj as she uses 1. she enjoys cause shes get pleasure and having my cock in her mouth turns her on more. and which man doesnt enjoy a bj very few. plus its so sexy for me when she reachs her orgasm and you feel her moaning around ur shaft.
plus mayb bondage tie him to chair, make him watch you use it then b4 you reach ur orgasm or after if u want more fuck him then. use it as a turn on for him to.
As my gf says to me no matter how good the toy. a real cock allways feels better.
no hes not but r u considering his as well do u not think it makes him feel bad that he cant satasify his gf. if it was me tht would be my biggest problem not the toy.
Hella Rouge - thanks, i'll check those blogs. sorry, didn't mean to imply i didn't want a woman's advice, i do! I was just interested to hear another man's perspective too. thanks x
Ilovemyman - LOL! i quite agree that a few sessions where he doesn't orgasm might wake him up a bit! but i guess thats not really a very mature approach... i think you're kinda right in a way about the size thing cos i got a bullet vibe and he didn't react great to that at first but then he did use it with me a couple of times while we had sex. but then i got the jessica rabbit 2.0 and he is not impressed, which is a real shame cos i am!!!!!!! lol x
sexycornishcouple - thanks for the advice. i think he would love watching me use it if he was willing to try, and i quite agree with your gf, a real cock does feel better, there's no way i would choose my vibe instead of him, i just thought it would be fun to use it occasionally... i'll keep working on him!
sorry didnt mean to rant. just having a bad day my self and was just trying to put across a different point of view. sorry hope you have a nice day too. xxx
Hella Rouge - thanks, i'll check those blogs. sorry, didn't mean to imply i didn't want a woman's advice, i do! I was just interested to hear another man's perspective too. thanks x
Ilovemyman - LOL! i quite agree that a few sessions where he doesn't orgasm might wake him up a bit! but i guess thats not really a very mature approach... i think you're kinda right in a way about the size thing cos i got a bullet vibe and he didn't react great to that at first but then he did use it with me a couple of times while we had sex. but then i got the jessica rabbit 2.0 and he is not impressed, which is a real shame cos i am!!!!!!! lol x
sexycornishcouple - thanks for the advice. i think he would love watching me use it if he was willing to try, and i quite agree with your gf, a real cock does feel better, there's no way i would choose my vibe instead of him, i just thought it would be fun to use it occasionally... i'll keep working on him!
Thanks guys x
Glad you didn't take it the wrong way,i'd hate to upset you External Media I hope you can fing a solution External Media
sexycornishcouple wrote:
sorry didnt mean to rant. just having a bad day my self and was just trying to put across a different point of view. sorry hope you have a nice day too. xxxExternal Media
No worries i shouldn't have posted as i have a lot on my mind at the moment External Media xx
LOL you just reminded me... the first time I introduced my rabbit to my ex... he wasn't exactly open minded but we'd used a bullet (not very successfully, he refused to learn, and couldn't accept a woman getting wet wasn't an orgasm...) so I thought him penetrating me with something he could relate to a little more might work better. He pressed one button, the thing started rotating. He said he didn't like it and it was stupid, had grumpy sex then he wouldn't talk to me the next day....
Poor thing!!
But even he didn't go flying out of bed with a little bullet. My current bf is literally up for anything, even if its not his thing he'll give it a go. He's not a massive fan of vibes but it's more the noise he finds a little off-putting. If you can try using your bullet under the covers to drown it out a little.
Let your guy use it on you during sex, maybe hold it in position while you go on top? Just until he gets used to it! And see if there's anything he'd like to try? Maybe a bit of light bondage or a blindfold, even just some different lubes so he gets used to little 'props' being brought in every so often. Just as long as you remember to have 'natural' sex regularly so he's reminded you enjoy it because its with him not the little extras?
I don't know what the reasons might be, but they are worth exploring with him in some way.
That said I think that providing there is no huge hang up over it and you can show him that it is not a replacement but an enhancer of the sexual experience for both of you, I would imagine he might come around? No pun intended! ;-)
I've never felt like this myself, so I'm guessing, but I do know how it can feel for something else to blot out the sexual spark, and maybe he is just worried that might happen.
I guess you can tempt him with the idea of him feeling you come while inside you - I find it quite a turn on, maybe something like that where it is incorporated not replacing anything.
Plus, if it makes you happy, why shouldn't you?
Sorry if its not much cop but thats my view, I hope it goes well for you.
My husband was like that when i suggested it years ago too, he said he felt abit, lik ' oh great shall i just leave you get on with it then' i supose it makes them feel surplus to requirements in some way.
To look at it from their point of view, if they said they couldnt come and would we mind if they brought in a fake pair of boobs or bits to play with to help them, we might feel abit inadequate, i know it is very different to that but self esteem can be so delicate and can make us get things out of proportion.
He may be desperate to feel that it is his body that is getting you off.
I had the same problem and bought a book by deborah sundal about female ejaculation and the g spot etc and spent ages practising so i could get off in a different way which is harder than it sounds as you have to re program yourself. Anyway she suggests using glass dildos rather than vibrators so they are more like having your bloke inside you and you can practise trying to get off in that way. May not work but after weeks of practise i managed it and am stil working on pefecting it :) and it makes me feel loads better.
Although alternatively you could just persuade him to compromise but could be hard for him at first, i dont think he means to be insensitve just his natural feelings on it. Always abit of a bummer when there is a sexual difference but i am sure it can be worked out.
I like the idea that frustrated had about the glass dildos, could be worth a shot. My OH isn't keen on anything that vibrates either but he, more often than me, is the one that brings the glass dildos out during sex. He has come a long way from the guy who had never experienced any sex toys what so ever. There is hope yet!
Male view here and I agree with most of the other posters on here, it mainly sounds like a confidence problem on his part.
If your having problems reaching orgasm with him, then he may be taking it personally thinking that your using a vibrator to replace him. He may also be jealous if your able to achieve orgasm with the vibrator and not him, and might be denting his confidence that hes unable to do the same himself.
If you want to get him to enjoy it and not feel so threatened, make him well aware that theres nothing that could replace the real thing!
This might sound a bit glib, but it worked for me.
In bed with my ex, I asked how he would feel if I got my toys out. He knew I had them, but I'd not used them with him. He looked like his ego was a little dented and said "um, well, why would you need them? Won't I do?"
My answer "You're amazing, but your cock can't be in my pussy and my ass at the same time. Which would you like to fuck and which shall we leave to your understudy?"
After that, there was never a problem, even though in truth it would usually just be a bullet on my clit while we had sex and the vast majority of the time there'd be no anal or dp or anything. I think it just helped him see what was in it for him, and that it wasn't about replacing him but about added bonuses. I think the idea that any toy was his understudy not a replacement actually boosted his ego, making it clear I was making do with "the next best thing" when he wasn't around.
It's all about how you paint it. Maybe I'm a manipulative devious madam, but it made him feel better about it!
Have you tried using it to get off in front of him or have him use it on you? I find it really hot to watch my girlfriend using one of her toys or giving me the control of it as she's locked into our under bed restraints and I would be hard pushed to believe any guy wouldn't enjoy that.
You could ask him what it is about the toy he finds upsetting and reassure him that as good as it is for masturbation it will never replace him or the love you feel for him.
Instead of using it in front of him perhaps ask him to use it on you? To tease you with it? It will teach him where your sweet spots are, and whilst he is playing with you you can tell him exactly what feels good and what doesn't, and how much you want him inside you after you've had some fun with your rabbit. let him know that he is the most orgasmic thing you own, the rabbit is just warming you up! You've had the starter, now for the main course! Roar!!
