Big Birthday COMPETITION- Week 4! Bigger and Better than EVER

Inside Lovehoney
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Ian Chimp wrote:

I am horny and hard, covered in lard, and I have a meaty aroma to boot. With a laugh and a tickle, and a taste of warm pickle, I'm going to make a mess of your suit.

A goat eating a ploughman's lunch?

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competition entry; it takes any size piston, is self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks it does it's own oil change. It's just a pity the management system is so fucking temperamental. What am I?

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COMPETION ENTRY When hot and bothered i come in handy, Can be waved or wiggled for relief most dandy, Will blow you hard or soft whatever feels good, Can run on batteries or be made out of wood What am i? Hope you have a great birthday :)

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defam wrote:

Ian Chimp wrote:

I am horny and hard, covered in lard, and I have a meaty aroma to boot. With a laugh and a tickle, and a taste of warm pickle, I'm going to make a mess of your suit.

A goat eating a ploughman's lunch?

I like your thinking, but if we want to slap 'competition entry' on it and win a Fleshlight to share I think it has to be a sex toy/sexy riddle. Though maybe just including the word 'horny' in it will do the job. Hmmm... 🤔
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Competition entry: As a child I watched this cool movie, an animated film it was really groovy, I didn't quite get this marriage they had, she so damn hot and sexy and him well a little mad. With long pointy ears, big wet tongue and uncontrollable stutter, now I'm older I see his frills I have to get this dirty mind out of the gutter!

Enjoy your birthday. X
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COMPETITION ENTRY: What gets longer when pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly and works well when jerked?

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Competition entry. I go in soft but come out hard, from four to six to eight to ten, then you will have your Zen. What am I?

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Competition entry: You give me delight nearly every night you fill me plenty upon your entry your thick and long and very vainy I take you out when it is rainy , every man and woman would like ye my good old friend j... s...... X

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Competition Entry:

I can relax you externally

I can stimulate you internally

I am a match for any intruders

I might have been made by The Full Monty strippers

What am I?

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Ian Chimp wrote:

Will we ever find out the answers to these, or can we just bang out something cryptic sounding and blag it?

I'd like to know everyone's answers too, once the competition ends! Some I've guessed, others remain a riddle (or out of my sphere of experience...)

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I've thought of a better version of mine... can't delete the last one but I will inflict it on you all anyway!

COMPETITION ENTRY (replacing the last one):

I relax you externally

I excite you internally

I can see off any intruders

I am The Full Monty...

What am I?

32

Ian Chimp wrote:

I am horny and hard, covered in lard, and I have a meaty aroma to boot. With a laugh and a tickle, and a taste of warm pickle, I'm going to make a mess of your suit.

It can only be an asparagus tip wrapped in parma ham.

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MsR wrote:

Competition Entry:

I can relax you externally

I can stimulate you internally

I am a match for any intruders

I might have been made by The Full Monty strippers

What am I?

Cup of tea?

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COMPETITION ENTRY. An oldie (10th Century) but still a good'un: What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before?

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COMPETITION ENTRY: Every man has one, some are big, some are small. It feels great when you blow it but it drips if you aren’t to careful. What is it?

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Competition entry,

(Now I might have got this wrong, so if it’s not valid, just ignore me).

I’m essential to a trawler,

You might find me in a shallow grave,

I’m similar to feeding a fire on a steam train.

What am I?

38

Ian Chimp wrote:

I am horny and hard, covered in lard, and I have a meaty aroma to boot. With a laugh and a tickle, and a taste of warm pickle, I'm going to make a mess of your suit.

I forgot about this thread. Just to be completely clear, this has no answer. It's just some tat I made up that sounded suitably obscure. 🙂

I'll probably be adding more later now I've remembered it's here. 👍🙂

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COMPETITION ENTRY - What is hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet on the inside? The word begins with “c,” ends in “t,” and there’s a “u” and an “n” between them.

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Ian Chimp wrote:

Ian Chimp wrote:

I am horny and hard, covered in lard, and I have a meaty aroma to boot. With a laugh and a tickle, and a taste of warm pickle, I'm going to make a mess of your suit.

I forgot about this thread. Just to be completely clear, this has no answer. It's just some tat I made up that sounded suitably obscure. 🙂

I'll probably be adding more later now I've remembered it's here. 👍🙂

We've all been losing sleep trying to get the bloody answer to that. ![](upload://auespWY2jeVe46VFziva9nry44n.gif)

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COMPETITION ENTRY

What’s the most important thing to do, before choosing a Lovehoney dildo?