Thank you very much angelarwen :)
But yeah, exactly, space sounds like a very good idea, especially if it is that women in particular who you are seriously tempted by. And it's true, there is a selfish element there from her.
Kind of similarly, last year I had a female friend who made it clear that she was interested in me when I was [confused and] dating a guy. At a rather stupidly low point, I acted on those feelings and, although I never wanted to stay in a relationship with the guy, I still completely regret those actions. Mainly for the guy, but you might feel worse about yourself, as well as losing the female friend in the chaos that might ensue! Not a good plan!
Hey all!
thank you both Mimiaow & Angelawern!! Words of advice that helped a great deal!
Bit of an update; she's just started dating another girl, and I feel really jealous (even though I'm in the long term relationship, how messed up is that?!), but after talking to fiance about this, and thinking about what I really want I'm staying with him & just trying to keep on the straight (!) and narrow..
I want to make things work with him, and hopefully it will all work out
thank you all xx
Yay, MissDita, it really sounds like you're working things out and sound very... level-headed (is that the word I'm looking for?!) about it - congratulations and I do hope things work out too :) I guess emotions don't suddenly change, but as long as it's easier to deal with now, definitely sound like it's going the right way!
No problem and hope to speak again soon :)
mimi x
hmm well it never really had to dawn on me that i was bi. since i found men attractive i have women. although i have never had a female partner as of yet
I had my first time with another girl when I was at secondary school we were in the hockey team together.
And I've been hooked ever since, however when I'm with another women I don't bring men into it, I prefer just one on one I find it more fun and less pressure.
i have always found women attractive and sexy - dont think i could be in a relationship with a woman but i have had sex with women and wouldnt say no if i was single.
for me it the fact i know how the women is feeling when i am touching her, i find it a real turn on!
I'm glad to hear you feel more confident in your relationship now MissDita, even if you do still have feelings for the woman. And at least you have a fiance who understands, that's a good thing.
I find that as time goes by I want more and more to experiment with a woman. Even since my last post on this topic I've become even more desperate to try it, lol. My partner is very good about it all, knows I'm attracted to women, but I really don't think it would ever be fair to expect him to just let me go off and sleep with someone else just to satisfy my curiosity. Which sucks!
I'm a married but have had a couple of bi-experiences.
I often wondered what it would be like to have oral sex with another guy.
What did it feel like? What did it taste like? I just had to find out .... it almost became an obsession.
I used to fantasise about a male friend of mine but never had the courage t take it any further ... well it isn't an easy subject to bring up is it :-)
Anyway I made contact with a guy via an internet site. We both wanted to try the same thing and WOW I really enjoyed it.
I could never have a relationship with a man but I totally enjoy being with one physically from time to time.
Ooh, update on this. I was chatting about it with the OH last night and it was very interesting.
Obviously, like most red-blooded males, he's interested in a threesome. But he also said that if I ever had the opportunity to have sex with a woman, he'd be fine with it as long as I told him and didn't do it behind his back. I was quite shocked, can't believe how understanding he is!
NowI just have to find a woman, lol.
Could it be that your OH doesn't look on same gender sex as being threateneing in any way.
I bet he wouldn't be saying the same thing if you wanted to have a new experience with another guy lol
Interesting thought that ...... is extracurricular same gender sex looked on differently to hetero-sex when in a relationship?
pisces_male wrote:
Interesting thought that ...... is extracurricular same gender sex looked on differently to hetero-sex when in a relationship?
There was a long thread about cheating in general, pisces_male, and if I recall correctly there were some references to same-gender encounters if you'd like to have a look:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/orgasm-army/sex-talk/7666-what-would-you-class-as-cheating/
Welcome to the forums. :)
OOOOps .... Thanks Lubyanka. I'll take a look.
It's an interesting point pisces male, and I think you're likely right. I suppose it's because he knows I love him very much and I've said to him that I can't see myself in a relationship with a woman anyway. But the attraction is very much there and I can only suppose there's a part of him that doesn't want me to 'miss out' if I'm able to have that experience. I was only 15 when we got together and have only ever been with him, so I never got that stuff out of my system.
I have no doubt that he'd be heartbroken if it was a male partner I wanted. Though I think it's also worth adding that I never asked him regarding a female; we were simply talking about it and he suggested it, so I don't think he was doing it out of pressure or trying to appease me. I could never cheat on him and even though my curiosity is massive, it's not worth our relationship so I could only bring myself to do it if he was absolutely certain.
Out of interest pisces, what is the situation for you? You mentioned that you are married so I was wondering if your wife is aware of your 'liasons' with men or not? It would be good to have some advice if that's the case.
Thanks for the link Lubyanka. I'm a bit pressed for time at the minute and it seems to be a long-ish thread, so I'll probably have a gander tomorrow.
Mmmm, I'm not sure that I'm the one to give advice here angelarwen.
You asked about my situation...... similar to yours in some respects ( apart from our ages ).
I met my wife when we were 14 years old and got married at 16. Been very happily married now for forty years.
I love my wife and would lay down my life for her BUT like you, I never had the chance to get certain things out of my system. I was bought up in circumstances that made it impossible to discuss such things ..... my wife is/was sexually unadventurous having been raised in a very supressive catholic convent.
I have never been unfaithful with another woman and I guess that I never looked on my 'fun' with another guy as being unfaithful and THAT only happened in the last few years> In answer to your question, no, I felt unable to tell my wife about it.
I have read the thread that Lubyanka sent me and I was a bit shaken to see that I might be alone in thinking like that.
Just thought I'd add a bit more ......... I realise that many people will find it incredible that certain things in marriage or close relationships are just NOT up for discussion.
My OH and I have had a good long sex life .... don't get me wrong there but in the past I have tried to bring up the subject of sex toys, different positions, different locations etc ( things that others might find totally routine within their relationships ) and each time I have been met with stoney silence and a day or two of cold stares and indifference afterwards.
I'm not saying this just to justify the way I have gone about things ... it's just the way things are.
My wife has been the first and only woman in my life but I now enjoy my occasional short time with another guy every couple of months or so if I can.
There is no emotional attachment and it comes down to sheer physical pleasure for both of us in an area that would have forever remained taboo both in practise and discussion.
I've probably missed lots in my garbled note but if there is anything I can add ,you only have to ask ..... I'll do my best to answer.
I take it that if your wife ever found out what you've been up to behind her back, your marriage would be over?
I can't believe you don't consider your actions to be infidelity, lying and going to another person, whatever sex, purely for physical pleasure is the ultimate betrayal in my eyes. You've had your nice cosy life and it wasn't enough, you had to have your bit on the side as well. You are no different than any other cheating partner.
I know if it was my husband of 25 years, however much I love him, my marriage would be over, I could never recover from the lies and deceit, in fact it would probably kill me. You apall me quite frankly, to put your own sexual pleasure before your love for your wife says you have no real love or respect for her at all.
You made your choice, it's a pity you never gave your poor wife a choice of whether to accept your way of life too.
Lady Lara wrote:
I take it that if your wife ever found out what you've been up to behind her back, your marriage would be over?
I can't believe you don't consider your actions to be infidelity, lying and going to another person, whatever sex, purely for physical pleasure is the ultimate betrayal in my eyes. You've had your nice cosy life and it wasn't enough, you had to have your bit on the side as well. You are no different than any other cheating partner.
I know if it was my husband of 25 years, however much I love him, my marriage would be over, I could never recover from the lies and deceit, in fact it would probably kill me. You apall me quite frankly, to put your own sexual pleasure before your love for your wife says you have no real love or respect for her at all.
You made your choice, it's a pity you never gave your poor wife a choice of whether to accept your way of life too.
Hi Lady Lara,
Sorry hun but I think you are being a bit harsh on pisces male here. OK, I agree that in relationships honesty is the best policy. But you have to walk a mile in other people's shoes - I mean, when pisces male and his wife got together, it was a different time. People weren't encouraged to explore their sexuality - you got married and that was that. I know - I am the product of a "sham" marriage (not that I'm saying your's is pisces male)- definitely on my mother's part (she was bi) and possibly on my dad's part to some extent. It must be really difficult to want to express your feelings and desires and to be met with stony silence! It's only a generation back from us but it seems in some ways to be like another world - we don't realise how far we have come and how lucky we are. Even 10 years ago, participating in this kind of forum would have been unthinkable for lots of us. So please don't be so judgemental and try to be a bit more understanding.
I'm in a very different situation. As folks know, I have a very good relationship with my male partner of 20 years and being on LH/ OA has been very good for us. However, and with my OH's consent, I have a relationship with my best friend, who just happens to be male, gay and half my age! We don't have sex but lots of cuddles and physical intimacy. Some of us have the need, some of us have the capacity, to love more than one person in different ways. We still have it drummed into us that there is just one person out there for us and sadly that's not true. We should try to be open though because, when it comes down to it, the person you have to be honest with and true to is yourself.
Hey, different strokes for different folks - that;s what's so good about being on here. Much love to all X
Hello again,
I read all your comments before I went to bed last night.
Thank you JayGee and thank you Nexas for trying to see both sides of my situation.
I guess Lady Lara's comments are valid too .... they were designed to sting and she might like to know that she hit the target ... and then some.
Lady Lara, you might also be pleased to know that I didn't sleep a wink last night just thinking about your note.
My wife and I haven't had a sex life for a few years now ( and that isn't likely to change ) but we don't think any differently about each other because of it. I still love her very much, nothing will ever change that.
I guess I have two choices now ..... carry on as I am or terminate any shared sex experience for the rest of my life.
Having read all your notes, both decisions are difficult to come to terms with.
I suspect that most people will think along the lines that Lady Lara has expressed ..... I'm not a bad person so please don't judge me too harshly.
I admit to feeling very 'down' today and more than a little confused, I guess that in my mind I know that I'm wrong and that a life without any form of sex now looms ahead. That takes some getting your head around, believe me.
Thanks again for your comments .....
I'm really sorry that my comments were more of a personal attack but I cannot stand lying and deceit in a relationship - I just know in my heart how your wife would feel if she were ever to find out - totally destroyed.
Was it honestly the easier option to do what you've been doing rather than have sat her down and try to make her understand?
Although it sounds as though she could never have given you what you truly desired in any case.
My sister was betrayed by her husband of 25 years a few years back and it nearly killed her, after he left, she found out that he had been cheating for all of their married life and that a lot of people knew full well about it - she came very close to suicide. I always knew he was a bastard - he made sexual advances to me from the age of 13 and very much affected my teenage years but I could never bring myself to tell her and still can't.
You are right when you said about not being able to talk about things within a long relationship - my sex drive disappeared for most of my thirties but my husband accepted it without question, he only recently brought it up , not due to not having much sex, but due to the lack of any affection on my part - he thought I no longer loved him. we worked through our relationship issues and now our sex life is better than it has ever been, thankfully.
The question seems to be, are your sexual needs more important than the life you have with your wife?
If they are, you owe it to the both of you to tell her the truth I think - however, if you can live with the guilt , I can see that you would be protecting her from complete devastation too.
It is a horrible situation all round and there isn't an easy answer, is there?
Thanks Lady Lara .... I appreciate your note. Apology not necessary as I know where you're 'coming from'.
You're right there isn't an easy answer.