I’m having a bit of a body confidence wobble. To give you the background info, about 5 years ago I managed to loose about 3 stone going from a size 16-18 to a 12-14 and was really happy with my progress. Unfortunately this came at a cost. I have fibromyalgia / chronic fatigue and it was only by sheer stubbornness and a lot of pain that I managed it. Unfortunately my body didn’t appreciate it and i now struggle with pain in my hips and back as well as weak knees, arthritic toes and unexplained exhaustion. I’ve been doing physio and gentle yoga for the last 2 years and i’m doing everything i can to get better but it’s looking more and more like I’ll have to learn to live with it.
I can’t do much exercise beyond a very slow short (10 min) walk and even that is painful. I am depressed and have very strong emotional connection to food due to past trauma, I can’t cope with restricting my diet and can’t loose weight. My weight is starting to slowly creep up I think although I refuse to check because my mood would spiral. I know that it’s understandable and probably the last thing i need to worry about now but it still makes me sad.
I don’t feel confident in my clothes or underwear, I want to look sexy but just feel fat and uncomfortable. I’m about a size 12 on top, 14 -16 on the bottom and quite short in height. When i first met my OH I was a very tiny size 6 - 8 and probably underweight but I felt confident and could wear nice clothes and knickers. Now I just want to cover up, hide my tummy and bum that i used to love but now looks awful.
Does anyone have any kind words that might make me feel better?
14-16 is probably average, and i would class as curvy.
I think you’re doing well coping with everything you do, so please don’t feel like you’re feeling.
Hugs to you.
@Kitty-Cat01 Fibromyalgia is a right sod. Unexplained fatigue - that’s probably fibromyalgia. I had a battle with weight for many years until I worked out what affected my body (and that isn’t what affects most people). It isn’t easy trying to lose weight (and not managing it) because your bloody body is working against you.
If I was in your shoes now, I wouldn’t weigh myself. It wouldn’t achieve a great deal. But you are a woman of average size and have curves, which I and many people view as a good thing. Society has to take a lot of blame for making women of average size feel they need to hide themselves away.
I was lucky. I always had massive tits to distract people, so whilst I had confidence issues, I knew my tits were worthy and so used them to the max. Somehow, you need to work out where you can get some confidence from. I’m sure your OH loves you as you are, and would love you to flaunt yourself with them more - most of them do. You can wear nice clothes and knickers - there are plenty of places that do good shaped clothes (rather than tents that wouldn’t fit anyone). My first one was a pinstriped work dress that made me feel a million dollars. I bought a number of others as I found my mojo.
As for knickers, if I was you, I’d go for as slutty as you can manage. Crotchless, and wear them out and about. Get a kick out of them. Something really slutty, but private to yourself can really give you a boost.
In my experience, little wins add up and make a difference. xx
Firstly well done to go down in size and I’m sure your partner appreciates this
We were all smaller years ago - but as you get older you get bigger - it’s trying to maintain it can be difficult
Feel proud of your shape and size - keep working on it as it will make you feel better
I got married a size 10 - 4 years later after 2 children I was over size 18
I maintained that for over 12 years then looked at myself and thought- no excuse I need to do this and me and my husband both agreed to loose weight by light exercise and careful eating
We lost loads and now in down to 12-14 and I look good and he appears to like it too
It’s a long term thing and I appreciate your medical condition can hinder things - but stop looking at sexy models and look at real woman - we hold weight and don’t be ashamed of your body - take a look - have you got good boobs /bum/ legs or other bits - I’m sure you do and then work on other bits of yourself
No shame … be honest and positive
I cannot see you but I believe you are a beautiful person
@KinkyMira Thank you, that’s really helpful. Unfortunately my boobs are a bit on the small side but I still like them. I’ve decided to treat myself to some sexier knickers and maybe a lace babydoll or something a bit different to give me a bit of a boost.
Thank you @batjamboree. Well done on the weight loss. I’m just trying to accept my size for now, since I’m trying to deal with the health issues and going through therapy for past trauma. I know it’s not the right time for me to lose weight, I just need to be positive about my current size and aim to maintain it as best I can. My OH loves my boobs so I guess that’s a positive, I think they’re too small but he’s happy!
@Kitty-Cat01
Don’t worry about your boobs - I was jealous of my sister years ago as she got massive boobs - h size but I’m a b cup now and when j got married they were a cup
However now I’m older she has terrible problems with her sagging boobs where my small boobs are still pert and sexy …
Hi @Kitty-Cat01 , I suspect we’re very similar in build, though I think you have the bigger boobs and myself a little more height but I’m sure your OH loves every bit of you.
I think @KinkyMira is absolutely spot on, you need to find an outfit that you love and that makes you feel great. For us pears, it’s all about boot cut trousers and jeans and detailing around the décolletage to balance the bigger hips, smaller boobs and lengthen the legs or A-line/skater type dresses/skirts (though I think, like me, you’re more of a trousers than skirts person?) There is an outfit out there that you will feel hot in, maybe a cute statement jacket to make yhe outfit pop. I also think the suggestion of sexy knickers under your regular outfit (something skimpy and different to your norm but still comfy) will give you a boost, a bit of an endorphin rush just knowing it’s there does wonders for confidence.
I think the yoga is brilliant for both body and mind. Keep it up as long as possible and hopefully it is helping to improve the pain.
Finally, big hugs to you and a suggestion of a lovely, big, comforting mug of tea.
sKitty-Cat01… way back in the day I dated both large and skinny women. Their body type did not make any difference. It was totally about how we hooked up as people. Did we like the same thing? Were we turned on by the same things? Did we have similar viewpoints? If all that works, what you look like doesn’t matter.
I’m sorry you’re feeling shit lovely. Exercise is great for the serotonin, so finding a replacement is important. Yoga is great and its hard, so you’re definitely still working your body.
It really is horrible how society views women, the pressure to look a certain way really is damaging. So to feel like you don’t like your body, especially when you’re living with such pain, is not nice.
It sounds like your body isn’t meant to be a size 12-14 and thats ok, but you need to dress for the body that you have, so I would suggest having a read of this and see what might look good if you tried something different. Same with regular clothes, learn the shapes that will enhance your body. Also wearing the right size for you will make you look and feel a lot better. It doesn’t matter the size, it matters more that you feel good wearing it.
And all boobs are sexy, whether they’re small, big, perky, or saggy.
I want to give you a big hug, I suffer with MS and like you just cannot exercise or walk . I find it helps trying to do things to keep the mind off food helps. If I sit and watch TV I get bored and just want to eat.
Thanks everyone for your replies, sorry it’s taken me a while to respond, I’ve not been in the right frame of mind until now.
@Peitho, I think we probably are a similar shape from reasing your reviews. And yes, definitely more of a jeans person than skirt person although I do like a dress in the summer to keep cool! I have just finished a good cup of tea
@JoCat Thank you, some new knickers and clothes are needed! I’m definitely pear shaped (relatively straight down until I reach my much bigger bum, but when I read the guides, I find that the suggestions wouldn’t suit me at all so I’m not sure where I’m going wrong. The suggestions for pear shapes are babydolls and chemises, both of which tend to make me look bigger than I am
To be honest, my body shape isn’t really on there, I would call myself a toffee apple (because I’m a delicious apple) but I don’t have a small waist.
I think a bustier or bodysuit would suit you, especially one with thicker straps to balance out your shoulders and hips. A babydoll is suggested for apples too and I hate a babydoll, I don’t like dresses although I did get a great reaction for the treasure chest dress, but that was more a bodystocking than a dress. Tshirt and a pair of knickers is just as sexy though.
Absolutely agree! Pear’s have a waist that needs to be emphasised and, in my case, enormous thighs that really don’t! Babydoll’s tend to hide the waist and then have a straigh cut off to broaden hips and thighs. Not, generally, flattering on a pear!
My most favoured lingerie are bra sets with details like extra straps on the bra and a simple high leg cut bottom half. My favourite (non fierce collection) set, that make me feel great is this Wine Bra Set which honestly, looks so much better and more flattering on me than it does on the model, who has a far better figure than I do! I think maybe, as a size 8, it is rather too big on her (excluding cups) and flatters us 12-14/16s with small boobs and big bums a lot more. I also love the colour.
My other 100% top pick would be the Empress Robe. I guarentee you would love this! Bra sets are more individual style but this robe is soooo flattering either on it’s own or over whatever you choose to wear. The lace down the cleavage and on the arms balances a larger lower half so well, it’s also very sheer and very sexy. I honestly think it’s the only piece I own where I actually feel hourglass rather than pear and where having a sizeable lower half is definitely an advantage.
