hi,
apologies if all the threads on here are about how great things are but can you help improve my sex life? or lack of.
Ok its been 3 weeks no and over the last 4 months there has maybe been one or two times where my GF has initiated sex.
We have sex and it is ok but she will now only do it in 2 positions she says we have tried other positions and they dont work or she does not like them for what ever reason.
She will not engage in any forplay that involves me touching her vagina and she will only touch me whilst my boxers are on. It has been a year since she gave me a hand job and 5 years since i got to touch or lick her down there.
After trying to say i wanted to change things a few months ago whilst enjoying a bath together she basically said nothing will change deal with things how they are or get nothing.
There is no point in making meals asking or giving massages or any suggestions i read anywhere. When first together things were amazing but these days she is more interested in watching tv than spending time in bed and when in bed she is more interested in reading her books then going to sleep.
I am 31 not 61 and am fed up. We get on great normally aisde from the lack of satisfying sex.
Hey Stressed... first let me say you are not alone. Yes, many of us on here can be quite chatty about the highlights of where we are now; but most of us have been where you are now (the rest will be at some point).
It is normal for couples to have ups and downs in relationships. Normally, this is tied to one partners emotional state, or hormones, or life changes, etc.
From what your wrote the thing that struck me is this is not a 2 or 4 mo problem but rather an issue that goes back 5 years if I read your posting correctly. So the question I would pose is, what happened then? If you don't know, then you need to ask but not in a "I am trying to fix you way". She needs to know that you are committed to her and are trying to understand her. If she can open up and say what she needs to, and know that you are not going to try and "fix it". Then you might get a chance to get the dialog rolling. Then you can see what happend.
Disclaimer: YMMV, this is just what it took for MRS and myself.
Hi SM. Welcome to the forums.
Communication. Some how you have to find a way. One way is to write a letter. Take your time write a few drafts, sometimes in writting things down you find out a lot more about your own feelings. When you are sure about what you have written send it to her, but don't forget to put as many positives in as possible.
Now you are a lucky guy because their are loads of amazing ladies on here that will help and advise you. From a man's perspective you will need to proceed slowly and carefully. It could be related to her upbringing and or early sexual experiences. Woman can be be massively effected sexually in their childhood. My own wife has taken many years to learn that the pleasure her body can give her is good and right. Her repressed up bringing has really held her back, being constantly "told don't touch it ,that it's dirty". "Watch out for men they only want you for one thing". Did seriously effect her enjoyment.
Good luck and keep posting.
It is hard in a rlshp to keep the spark up after a long time together but the only solution is communication if that fails then maybe it's time to seek councilling together to find out what's changed and get to the route of the problem sorry can't be more helpful but good luck x
Have you enjoyed sex in the past?
The only reason I ask is that it took me some time to realise, after wondering if there was something wrong with me and so on, that I'm just not interested in sex because I'm not interested in other people sexually.
Could it simply be the case that sex doesn't 'do it' for you?
I hope that isn't an invasive question; I'm pretty straightforward really. It just comes from experience.
Hi Stressed,
The only thing I can suggest here is to communicate with her, find out why it is that she doesn't want to be touched or that she doesn't want to touch you. From what I gather something may be bothering her, and maybe it has had an effect of her libido. Sometimes we get these lulls.
From what you've said though it does sound like you have tried talking to her in the past and she has just somewhat dismissed you. Which really doesn't leave you with a lot of choices. You can try to talk to her again, find out what is bothering her and if there's anyway you can both work at it. If not or she compleatly dismisses you again then you need to make a choice about what you want from the realtionship. Do you want to continue how things are which is obviously having an effect on you or do you want to move on. I don't mean to sound harsh when I'm saying that, I know that sex isn't the most important thing in a realtionship, but it is (To me anyways) an important factor. I've been where you are with an EX and the toll it took on me psycologically was awful, It had a real knock on my confidence, I was moody and withdrawn. I talked about it, knew that nothing was going to chance, and made the decision to let go.
I wish you all the luck, and I do hope that you manage to sort things out.