Boyfriend has trouble finishing... help!

Oh yeah I actually responded to this, I hope things are getting better for you sweetie :kissing_heart:

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Thanks honey! I’ll let you know, but it’ll be a while before I think about bringing it up, since starting this thread I’ve realised we have bigger fish to fry

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Hiya,

I posted something similar a little while ago although still yet to find a real “reason” my other half thinks it might be almost psychological, with him being trained that bareback = danger.
For all the years before that’s true and very pleased he was safe! but maybe it’s something like that with your OH too?

Obviously the same as everyone else, communicate and any medications can have an effect, but if as with my partner that’s all good or N/A then don’t worry too much, don’t put pressure on and hopefully his mind and body will adapt soon.

Take care! :slight_smile:

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I’ve had the same issue with a few guys before, I found that playing with their balls/ stroking them while they are penetrating you usually stimulates them and gets them going. Otherwise change things up in the bedroom i.e. role-playing or trying new positions :slight_smile:

is he worried about getting you pregnant ?

@Sooze86 yeah I don’t know really, he didn’t seem to have a problem tonight though after we had an emotional chat about stuff and our relationship, which kind of makes me wonder if it’s anxiety, and releasing anxiety and finding solutions helps remove mental blocks

@RachelBC yeah I’ll try that too… he told me that edging/countdowns are a big fantasy for him, and I started a countdown and he came almost immediately (though I wonder if I started the countdown too late :upside_down_face::rofl:)

@woodstock2 I don’t think so, he’s had long term relationships before and not used condoms, he’s used to it… but I might float the idea to him if we have another chat about it

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when i was with my first girlfriend i was paranoid that she would get pregnant even tho we used condoms . Its worth asking him about it xx

Yeah I defo will :relaxed:

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I would agree that it could be a mental block, i have a similar one where i find it very hard to orgasm when getting oral sex due to a concern about making a mess on my partner. Using some unexpected stimulus could help to push him over the edge. We use dirty talk or some mild pain, liking biting or scratching with nails.

How important to you both is it, that one of you doesn’t finish?

In the longer scheme of things, sometimes one or the other doesn’t finish, despite everyone’s best efforts.

Would it help to set a period of time where you both just don’t let it matter, or bother you?

Taking the pressure off orgasm for a while might help. Just have fun, put the emphasis on fun and intimacy and exploring each other without a goal.

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@etc28 yeah I’m hoping to try some new things out with him in the future :relaxed:

@MsR yeah I think that’s a good plan, he also enjoys edging, so maybe when he’s struggling I might just turn in into a session :upside_down_face:

How about encouraging him to finish himself off while you do the same? Depends how confident he is really but rather than talking about it prior you could just instigate by doing it yourself :woman_shrugging:t3:

I’m with someone who has trouble finishing during sex, we normally will finish up with blowjobs and hand jobs to finish him. I found out weird at first bit it actually extends our sex time so it’s really enjoyable. Is say just keep trying different things until you find what works for you both.

@ScarletRose First I’m not claiming to be an expert in anything. Just a few thoughts I have. First thing I recommend is have an open and honest conversation. Can be tricky because performance issues with men are typically something that is super uncomfortable to talk about but it’s gotta happen sooner or later. Also recommend being smart about bringing it up. Might be good to suggest a time later on so he has time to think & mentally prepare. For example, “Hey bf, I know it’s uncomfortable but it would mean a lot to me if you would be willing to have a talk with me about some of the things happening in the bedroom. How would tomorrow after work sound?” You know your guy and how best to approach him so obviously use the approach you think best. Most issues in a relationship are best handled sooner rather than later imo.

Also here are a few tricks that may help: 1) if he’s willing, try wearing a condom again. 2) Spend more time on foreplay. For me, nothing is sexier than when I’m pleasing a woman. Specifically for me, when I’m eating her out. Awesome flavor and texture on my tongue, she gets to cum on my mouth, and it usually also makes her more desperate and horny for me which in turn makes me more horny. If he hasn’t yet, see if he’s willing to try a little cunnilingus. You may have trouble getting him to stop :wink:

Outside of that I simply wish you two the best. If you have any questions, I’m happy to answer. Again though I’m not an expert but I’m happy to help where I can :slight_smile:

Maybe because my wife and I haven’t tried too many toys during sex, I found the few that we did try to be more distracting than beneficial. For me and the Mrs. it seems toys have better effects when used solo. With that, I still haven’t shown her the beginner’s pegging set I got. Hoping that takes off eventually but I’ll take it slow at first after I bring it up.
Further on this, I would also recommend him wearing a small plug during sex if he’s open to it. I typically cum harder and shoot more of my man juice when I’m wearing a plug. I recommend smaller plugs during sex than he may be comfortable with wearing long term. I personally think I have a well trained back side, and can handle most of the “average” sized plugs for multiple hours but during sex it’s painful during orgasm if I’m wearing a normal sized plug. For that reason I recommend a smaller plug during actual intercourse.

Edit: added @ScarletRose to the top
Edit2: adding this comment: as someone who has on more than one occasion (usually due to just not being able to be in the mood at the moment for whatever reason) I can almost guarantee the issue is not with you. I say this to absolutely crush any feelings of insecurity you may have. And I’m also betting a lot of his frustration is due to him thinking he’s making you feel insecure rather than him simply not being able to finish. As much as I love sex with my wife, every once in a while I just can’t get junior to do what he needs to do. I’m absolutely more than willing to use my oral, finger, & toy skills to help her just as she’d do the same for me when I’m in the mood & she’s not, but seeing the look on her face like she’s thinking “Is he not into me anymore?” when junior doesn’t perform is soul crushing because it’s absolutely not the truth and I hate that she could even think that. Fortunately I make up for it later on with epic slam-her-body-to-the-mattress lusty savage thrusting, but in the awkward moments there is definitely frustration on my end and it’s mostly due to how I think I may be making her feel when performing isn’t working out.
Edit3: adding to the “toy” section of this post.

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