I haven't been around for a few months- I think I've posted a thread similar to this before but I can't seem to find it at the moment (bloody iPad!)
Anyways. At the end of 2012/beginning of 2013, I started feeling really down and generally pretty rubbish about my 5 year relationship. I have been diagnosed with depression in the past and assumed that I was slipping again, but it felt different this time. I realised I was no longer 'in love' with my boyfriend, although I did, and still do, love him more than anything.
I decided in my head that we should split up- I wasn't happy and although it would be so, so difficult, we both deserve a happy, balanced relationship.
We didn't split. I just couldnt do it. There's always been something in the back of my mind that thought that if we did split up, my boyfriend wouldn't handle it as well as I would and I really didn't want to screw up his life that badly- He's been working hard on two big projects for the past 5 months, both in uni and work, and on top of that he's had exams for both... I didn't want to leave and feel guilty if he did badly. I know this is a poor excuse, but he really needs both of these things to go well for him at he moment- I care about him and I don't want to essentially put his future in danger.
We did have a talk, and I explained that I was fed up with our relationship- I love him, but I'm unhappy. He said he understood but didn't know how to fix the problem at the moment- we don't see an awful lot of each other and when we do, we are stuck in a routine.
Nothing was done, and we both just carried on as if nothing had been said. And now here we are.
He's been snapping at me a lot lately, and I have been off with him too. We had a big chat last night and I told him that I didn't feel the way I used to about our relationship. He said it was all his fault- he has been feeling down for months and he doesn't know what to do about it or what' wrong with him and it's "obviously rubbed off" on me. I told him not to be silly- it's no ones fault, sometimes relationships struggle and you just have to accept it and work at it, or move on. He said it sounds like I want to break up, which isn't what he wants at all. I explained that I don't necessarily want to split, but I want us both to be happy and maybe the solution is actually to be apart for a while.
After a looong chat, I get the feeling that he's actually depressed. He thinks our relationship problems are all his fault, and he thinks that everything that's going to happen in the future (he's starting a new job soon, and wants to move house shortly after) is just pointless because he won't be happy no matter what happens. He wants things to be "how they were before", not just in terms of our relationship but everything- his job, how he lived when he was living away for uni, friends, etc. I know he was really excited about this new career change and everything else that he has going on, but he seems to have just lost that spark for it. He also said he has "more sad days than happy days" now, where as before it was the other way around. I don't know how long he has been trying to (or not to, as it seems..) deal with this.
I do want to take a break from 'us'- I think we both need to work on our own problems before we tackle 'our' problems as a couple- but I'm so scared that he won't be able to handle it. He sounds like he's in a pretty dark place at the moment and I don't want him to get worse. I suggested to him to go to the doctor and offered to go with him for support... he needs help, and I don't want to leave him, and let him deal with this alone... but at the same time, I don't want him to feel like that's the only reason I'm still there, and I don't want to end up hating him which I think is what will ultimately happen if I stay in a relationship in which I'm not happy.
What do you guys recommend? When I was depressed, I dealt with it alone and it was hard, but I was embarrassed. I understand now that that's really stupid, so I'm glad he's finally told me about this. I feel for him, and I do care about and love him.
I don't know what to do.