I started a thread about this yesterday but it's broke and can't be viewed. I'm not going to write the whole thing out again, but if more info is needed just ask :)
Basically, I need some advice on depression, but feel too silly to actually go to a doctor about how I'm feeling. I have been 'depressed' before (I diagnosed myself and when I did tell a doctor, I didn't follow it up and ended up just sort of, getting over it). Anyways. Over the past couple of weeks I've noticed weird things going on with myself, physically and mentally.
Some of the changes I've noticed are; my appetite fluxuating like crazy- some days I'll eat a piece of bread, some days I'll eat 4 meals and snacks between. I keep wanting to cry, or do actually start crying over nothing, I'm very irritable and find that the little things that people (especially my boyfriend) do annoy me straight away, whereas usually I don't even notice them or don't think anything of them. My sex drive is slowly decreasing and I want to spend most of my day in bed. My periods have been late, or not there at all, for a few months and I suffer from random pains and achey limbs. I also feel weird a lot of the time. I cant put my finger on it, but I just feel like I'm nervous or anxious a lot of the time, even though I'm not. Its strange.
I've been thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 years, even though I love him like crazy and would be lost without him. My self esteem is pretty good and I am quite a confident person. I also have a major, major crush on someone I have known, and have had a soft spot for, for years. I would never do anything about it, but I think the thought of doing something that would be so out of the norm for me (I mean actually being with someone else- I've been with my OH for 5 years and he has been my only sexual partner) is really exciting and appealing. I'm still very close to my boyfriend and, although at the moment we don't see each other a lot because of work, we have a pretty good- if not a little predictable....- relationship. Breaking up with him would break his heart, and mine. I suggested some time apart, but he said he didn't want to, and I agreed, although I'm not sure if it is a good idea or not.
I'm very confused. I know this is a bit..weird, I suppose, but advice and stories of similar situatons would be appreciated :) x
I should also add that I've been feeling very 'not with it' for the past couple of weeks. I feel a bit spaced out and almost like I have the flu, to some extent. A few people have noticed and I've just said it's a cold as I don't know what it actually is.
Sorry to hear you are not feeling yourself. It sounds to me like you have lots going on in your life right now emotionally and these could be related to your symptons..
First of all, I would suggest seeking advise from a doctor or professional who may be able to help you. The symptons you have are very similar to my daughter but I am not in any position to suggest you have anything even similar of course as i am no expert.
My daughter has borderline personality disorder and its something only recently shes been diagnosed with but the symptons are very similar but that could also be the case with forms of depression. She also has OCD and agoraphobia.
She did seek help as medication wasnt the answer and is currently going through counselling.
With regard to the relationship issue, would it be wise to split from your fella of 5 years until you find out what is causing the physical symptons? You dont want to be jumping from the frying pan into the fire.
Perhaps seek help and maybe if there is a problem with anxiety or stress the doctor may be able to help you with medication or some other form of help. Once you feel better about yourself again and healthy you will know what you want and better able to make firm and clear decisions.
This is only my opinion and I do not have all the answers especially as I do not know you. Whatever you decide I hope it will make you happier in life.
You may not have depression, what you describe is very similar to how I was feeling back in the summer. I went to see my GP mainly because my mind felt like it was in a fog, I was also getting pains in my arms, my sex dive dived, i could not focus on anything and I was overeating one day and eating next to nothing the next.
I also had a very short fuse and small things that would not normally bother me were very annoying!
Being male periods were not an issue. Lol. But generally I did not feel in control.
My GP told me that it was all stress related, the pains in my arms were caused by tension in my shoulders and neck.
I was signed off work for 5 days and given some mild medication to take the edge off the worries in my mind.
I agreed reduced hours and workload with my employer for a couple of weeks.
I now feel fine.
Obviously I don't know your exact situation but it does sound very similar to my stress issue. Please let me know if you would like to chat.
I hope this helps, but I would suggest that you see your GP.
Dee, thats actually a great help, thanks very much. I'm not going to make any big decisions regarding my relationship yet. We were actually planning on moving into a house together early next year, which I'm really looking forward too, but thats been put on hold for other reasons for now which is kind of a good thing. I
Anyways, I think I will monitor how I feel for the next couple of weeks and then see what I should do- at least then I will have a clear picture of what exactly the symptoms are, etc.
Thanks HH. I have been pretty stressed lately- hads lots on my plate. I've got the weekend off work, and I plan on doing nothing whatsover, so hopefully a little time to myself to relax will help.
There are different forms of depression including SAD (seasonal affective disorder), Post natal and mild forms etc. We all go through some sort of depressive phases of our lives whether it's reactive or not. Reactive as in after an event like bereavement etc.
Anyways, back on point. There are a lot of signs and symptoms of depression, some can be very mild. The important factor is whether it affects your activities of daily living. You've mentioned some already like your diet and motivation. To what extent does this affect your life? Also, do you think you're feeling like this now since it's winter etc (SAD).
I'd suggest trying to combat these feelings by trying to think differently. If you think you're depressed, you'll feel more depressed. It really is as simple as that and can be a self destructive cycle.
This site is very good http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/depression Especially the past where it gives ways of helping yourself. I would suggest medication as a last resort but for some people a little help in getting a chemical lift is a good start on their road to recovery with depression.
I'd suggest going to the GP or looking at the list of references/links that the site offers to combat the symptoms of depression. However, a doctor will need to actually diagnose you with "depression" itself.
Hope that helps x
Ps. A lot of things are interlinked- so if you are stressed that could be the main factor behind these low moods. Think of all the reasons why you feel depressed, however trivial and try to problem solve.
I remember feeling absolutely shattered and depressed for a good while and only after talking to my OH I realised that those feelings had started after I was on the depo provera (contraceptive injection). Perhaps these are side effects to some medication you are on?
QueenC your not alone it's surprising how many people suffer with mental health probelms.
Your first step must be to go back to your doc and get the help you need, obviously you have to be the one to make that choice.
Hold onto your boyfriend he seems like a gem, and sounds like he wants to stick by you.
I can't really say any thing to help you but hang in there you are stronger than you think.
I have had depression and bad panic attacks. I got some help off the doc with the depression and it seemed to be a little better but I also had panic attacks and I didn't get help for them, until one day while I was looking for a job.
I collapsed in the job centre, but it was a turning point for me. I got the councelling that I needed, it took a while, still have my moments now, usually with social events. But they got me a job placement, through the disability people, the firm kept me on and I have been there 13yr.
It may be depression or may be something different entirely with some of those symptoms. I'd really suggest speaking to a doctor. They may suggest some medication though won't force it on you. Don't be afraid of it. Some people have bad reactions to some anti-depressants but if they do there are other types which they don't - it's just a matter of keeping in contact with your doctor about it, and most people are fine. They aren't like a magic bullet but tend to make things feel just that bit more bearable and allow you to focus time and energy on yourself rather than feeling like you don't have anything in you to try and help yourself with. You may also benefit from some councilling of some sort. Even someone just to talk to about how you're feeling who'll listen and not judge, cut in when you're mid flow etc can work wonders. You'll also find if you start talking to people about how you feel (friends etc) you suddenly find a lot more people that you realise have been through something similar so don't feel like you're wrong for feeling how you do. However while friends can be brilliant, be aware that most of them may not know how best to help or be there for you and it can get awkward - friends are often very sympathetic for a few weeks but then seem to expect you to be better when really it can take a lot longer - that's why the councilling can be very useful.
overall - go see your doctor, discuss possible ways of dealing with it, and stop it controlling you would be my advice.
if you were clinically depressed you wouldnt have to ask
Brilliant, thanks for the advice.
To everyone else, thanks so much. I think that what I'm going through is all stress related- I'm going through a lot of changes at the moment with my job, and it's taken its toll on my relationship with my boyfriend. I realised that I'm always moody and irritable with him, mostly because he's the one I see at the end of a long, hard, stressful day, and so I take it all out on him, which I shouldn't.
I'm always running around trying to help and please other people and often put myself last, and it's finally all caught up with me.
The whole relationship issues thing has been sort of brought to light, I think, by a friend, who told me recently that she has been having an affair with someone (she's the single one), and the thought that I have only ever been with my boyfriend, and will likely stay with him for a long time to come, has gotten me down somewhat. I know I should be happy that I've found someone I want to hold on to, and who would want to hold on to me too, but I'm 20 years old and for as long as I've been mature enough for relationships and sex, I've never really been single and feel like I've kind of missed out on that experience a little. I realise I sound a bit...pathetic, really.
I'm just in a bit of a rut I think. I'll keep trying to be positive and look at the glass half full as much as possible and, if I do still feel like I do in a couple of weeks, I'll pop to the doctors.
if you were clinically depressed you wouldnt have to ask
Brilliant, thanks for the advice.
To everyone else, thanks so much. I think that what I'm going through is all stress related- I'm going through a lot of changes at the moment with my job, and it's taken its toll on my relationship with my boyfriend. I realised that I'm always moody and irritable with him, mostly because he's the one I see at the end of a long, hard, stressful day, and so I take it all out on him, which I shouldn't.
I'm always running around trying to help and please other people and often put myself last, and it's finally all caught up with me.
The whole relationship issues thing has been sort of brought to light, I think, by a friend, who told me recently that she has been having an affair with someone (she's the single one), and the thought that I have only ever been with my boyfriend, and will likely stay with him for a long time to come, has gotten me down somewhat. I know I should be happy that I've found someone I want to hold on to, and who would want to hold on to me too, but I'm 20 years old and for as long as I've been mature enough for relationships and sex, I've never really been single and feel like I've kind of missed out on that experience a little. I realise I sound a bit...pathetic, really.
I'm just in a bit of a rut I think. I'll keep trying to be positive and look at the glass half full as much as possible and, if I do still feel like I do in a couple of weeks, I'll pop to the doctors.
Thanks for all the advice, take care everyone.
sorry i wasnt being rude, i was actually being serious. being depressed is the most terrifying, horrific thing in the whole entire world and if you need to ask if you are depressed, then you can't possibly be.
if youre absolutely terrified of being by yourself, cry 24/7 and are desperate to die then yeah, otherwise i wouldnt advise going on antidepressants as the side effects will outweigh the positives.
Fistinglover has I would guess had a pretty rough time on ADs. I won't try to take anything away from their opinon as I know others who have. But I also know a lot of people they've really helped (<waves> I'm on them now!) and if you don't want to take them there's still other options your doctor can help with. You'll get through it all and be a stronger person at the end of it!
won't pretend to be a an expert or to know all the answers but you're welcome to message me if you need a chat about it or a bit of banter to take your mind of it
Fistinglover has I would guess had a pretty rough time on ADs. I won't try to take anything away from their opinon as I know others who have. But I also know a lot of people they've really helped ( I'm on them now!) and if you don't want to take them there's still other options your doctor can help with. You'll get through it all and be a stronger person at the end of it!
won't pretend to be a an expert or to know all the answers but you're welcome to message me if you need a chat about it or a bit of banter to take your mind of it
ooh no, i absolutely love them. they have changed my life completely! its just depression is caused by a chemical inbalance which antidepressants correct and so if youre taking them when theyre not needed, you wont be any happier, will just get loads of side effects!
The whole relationship issues thing has been sort of brought to light, I think, by a friend, who told me recently that she has been having an affair with someone (she's the single one), and the thought that I have only ever been with my boyfriend, and will likely stay with him for a long time to come, has gotten me down somewhat. I know I should be happy that I've found someone I want to hold on to, and who would want to hold on to me too, but I'm 20 years old and for as long as I've been mature enough for relationships and sex, I've never really been single and feel like I've kind of missed out on that experience a little. I realise I sound a bit...pathetic, really.
I'm just in a bit of a rut I think. I'll keep trying to be positive and look at the glass half full as much as possible and, if I do still feel like I do in a couple of weeks, I'll pop to the doctors.
Thanks for all the advice, take care everyone.
I can understand that to some degree. However, it was more my own choice wanting to find that "one" without really playing the field and I got pretty lucky with that. I'm 24 but only ever had one partner which is my current partner who I've been from the age of 20/21.
You're probably thinking about the other side of the field more so because things are stressful and it's easier to think "what if?". I think if you were to be single and without the support of your current partner it's probably be a lot more harder to deal with. This is just another view though. I'd suggest working at getting over this phase if you can. Focus on the postives- and as for the problems, try and find ways you can reduce them. Give yourself more of a "me" time where you can do all the things you want. This can be as simple as reading a book or going to a spa etc, even shopping. Whatever floats your boat. Try and book a body/back massage or better yet, get your OH to treat you to one. =)
Once you feel more stable in mood, less stressed and just have a clearer idea of what you want- you may want to try out the single life etc. I wouldn't suggest just being with your partner because you feel obligated to- this will lead to bitter and regretful feelings and no doubt cause issues. For now though, as I've advised before try and focus on the positives. Sorry if I'm rambling >.<. Feel free to email me of you want someone to just go over your stresses with. I know we all feel like that at times. x
sorry i wasnt being rude, i was actually being serious. being depressed is the most terrifying, horrific thing in the whole entire world and if you need to ask if you are depressed, then you can't possibly be.
if youre absolutely terrified of being by yourself, cry 24/7 and are desperate to die then yeah, otherwise i wouldnt advise going on antidepressants as the side effects will outweigh the positives.
hope you cheer up soon!
Sorry, I thought you were just sort of stating the obvious! *feels a bit stupid!*
I dont mean that type of depression, I know that there are some mild forms which are more the thing I'm on about. Anyways, I think I'm just very run down and have put myself into this frame of mind.
Thanks for all the advice guys. I do appreciate it. It always helps to offload a problem and get it out in the open which is a big step for me, as I never like to complain about anything and will always keep my problems private.
Nymeria wrote:
Once you feel more stable in mood, less stressed and just have a clearer idea of what you want- you may want to try out the single life etc. I wouldn't suggest just being with your partner because you feel obligated to- this will lead to bitter and regretful feelings and no doubt cause issues. For now though, as I've advised before try and focus on the positives. Sorry if I'm rambling >.<. Feel free to email me of you want someone to just go over your stresses with. I know we all feel like that at times. x
At the moment, that is kind of how I'm feeling. I love him like crazy but just can't seem to think past that. It's like, yeah I love him, but..so what? I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore, but still at the same time, the thought of leaving him breaks my heart- I'm not sure if thats because I know I shouldn't even think about it, and I want to stay, or if it's because I know it would crush him.
I don't really know how to explain how I feel. Can't be with him, can't be without him.
I'm back to my normal hours in work now instead of training hours which were here, there, and everywhere. Hopefully I can get my life into a pattern and structure, which I hate as I've always been very spontaneous. But I think thats whats needed right now. I'll keep you updated :)