Cam girls.

Off-Topic Chat
21

Young and fun95 wrote:

yes every relationship is different, but boundaries have to set for every couple and he has set his, she should respect that. Our relationship is very clear, even allowing someone to think they have a chance with out is cheating, we don't even flirt with anyone else, this we set out early in the relationship and stick by, it's the only way a couple can trust eachother by respecting the others boundaries, whatever they may be

Sounds similar to us - we're very old fashioned if you like when it comes to our cheating boundaries! But it works for us and we're happy that way :)

22

To me personally this would be cheating.

23

Ink and Kink wrote:


It'd be different if she was in a relationship paying to watch. But she's the model been paid to play..

It is only different if it goes against the rules of a relationship.

If two people are together and then one starts to do this without geting agreement then that is cheating, but if it is already in place before relationship... well... you knew what you were getting.

I think it would be horrible to be in a relationship with someone who treated my work as cheating, and I would stop being in that relationship. Not because the work is more important, but because the POV you outlined in the OP sounds horrible, not a person I would be with.

Support your friend, help her feeel strong.

24

naughty stacey wrote:

Ink and Kink wrote:


It'd be different if she was in a relationship paying to watch. But she's the model been paid to play..

It is only different if it goes against the rules of a relationship.

If two people are together and then one starts to do this without geting agreement then that is cheating, but if it is already in place before relationship... well... you knew what you were getting.

I think it would be horrible to be in a relationship with someone who treated my work as cheating, and I would stop being in that relationship. Not because the work is more important, but because the POV you outlined in the OP sounds horrible, not a person I would be with.

Support your friend, help her feeel strong.

+1, could not agree more. It's only cheating if it's physical and emotional outwith professional parametres. I'd be devastated if I were put in the position of being accused of cheating for simply doing my job. Clearly the partners would have to think incredibly differently, and may need to question if their relationship is built on solid enough foundations.

Either way, my sympathy to this girl. She doens't deserve this :(

25

I don't see it as "cheating" unless she is communicating with clients outside work parameters. But I also understand where a partner would be uncomfortable with this because she is sharing her body visually with clients and masturbating in font of them, turning them on for the purpose of getting off in some way.

It's similar to being a stripper except it's all virtual on cam so no human contact in RL but if she is masturbating on cam that is pretty personal and I can see where a partner would not approve.

I personally could not do it and my partner would not be ok with it. But not judging anyone who has found a way to make income this way as to me it is much safer that stripping and / or porn.

26

How would she feel if her boyfriend said that it was ok because in fact he regularly pays to watch a certain girl and masterbates for this cam girl?

27
Thank you all for this feedback.

Stuburns wrote:

How would she feel if her boyfriend said that it was ok because in fact he regularly pays to watch a certain girl and masterbates for this cam girl?

I think and she thinks there is a difference. If he was watching and paying girls we guess we would see it as cheating. But as she's not paying a single penny and is earning instead we don't see it as cheating. She was a cam girl before they got together, but she gave up something she enjoyed for a long time and stopped earning the money because she didn't want anything to put a downer on their relationship. He knows what she did before. And she even used to skype sex him before they got together. But didn't charge him because she loved him. And since money is tight again, she wants to start earning money again. For her and him to one day live together. And eventually go on a proper holiday with him as they've not been on one together. There is no income, in the relationship as she is a full time mum. She would and is only camming at weekends when her child is in bed, fast asleep. Her partner doesn't earn any money. He's in voluntary work. I hope I've answered all that was asked. I will have another read and see if I've answered it all. X
28

^^^ my phone won't let me put things into paragraphs! Sorry!

But I myself dated someone who actually had sex with other women for money, and I didn't see that as him cheating on me as it was a job and income. It was horrible, I was jealous don't get me wrong. But he did treat me well. Really well. I see it as, as long as she's taking these mens money its not cheating. But if she was giving it to these men for nothing. Then it would be?
29

i dont really understand how the money aspect is changing things. the act itself is cheating, not the motive. if he was paying it'd be cheating but as she's being paid its not cheating? i think maybe she's trying to twist her own and his morals so she can do something she enjoyed. would prostitution be cheating? by these standards it wouldnt be as long as she got paid. she stopped doing it when they got together because she knew it would hurt the relationship, but now she wants to start doing it again, he's made his feelings clear so whether cheating or not, she's still going against his will and is a break of trust.

money is far from everything, I'd rather be on the streets with the love of my life than in a lovely home without him, or worse with him on the laptop to his "clients", i think that she wants to do this for the fun of the act and having good money, if they were on the verge of losing everything and had virtually no choice than i would almost understand, but i dont think this is out of need but want, she wants to do it and is trying to justify it by saying they will get to go on holiday, infact almost bribing him.

Im sorry ut i dont think this is even a question of cheating, but a question of respect: if you really wanted to do something but your partner didnt want you to, would you still do it, or should you still do it?

30
Honestly for me I absolutely would not mind a partner doing this, it certainly wouldnt register as cheating to me, in fact more intriguing than anything else, I'd probably want to watch too!
That said its all about your own feelings when it comes to whats best for your relationship. I have no set idea of what is cheating as I suffer from a complete lack of jealousy - I've done the whole open relationship thing and we just made sure to tell each other everything and honestly the whole thing turned me on especially if he slept with someone I knew and thought was really attractive.
I've always been of the mind though that cheating is willingly doing something you know is going to hurt your partner. This could be absolutely anything and would range from person to person. But if you've done something and know that you couldn't tell your partner or that if you did they'd be devastated then that is 100% cheating even if it was for example just chatting with a girl that they really don't like.
If you started a relationship knowing that someone does something like this for a job, you should decide weather your okay with it there and then, if you think your not going to be okay with it you just dont start a relationship with that person, by accepting the relationship you accept who that person is and what they do.
31

I think it's a complicated situation because of how the people involved feel - since her boyfriend does see it as cheating, it's obviously problematic for her to carry on doing something that he isn't comfortable with. But at the same time, it's something that she wants to do, and I agree with Ink&Kink that it's different because it's her job.

I personally agree that the fact that money changes hands makes it a totally different situation because she won't have the sort of emotional closeness with her customers that she would potentially have if she was just doing it for fun. But I do also understand that that's not the only thing that would make her partner feel uncomfortable.

Trying to imagine being in her situation, I think I'd feel pretty unhappy with being accused of cheating for doing a job. Even if she likes her job, she still isn't choosing to do it for free. When I was a cam girl, I enjoyed it and it was a sexually fulfilling thing for me, but I wouldn't have ever chosen to do it for free - it would have been too personal and too intimate, so it could have easily become something my partner considered cheating.

If my partner had thought of it as cheating, I would have found it difficult to come to a compromise, especially in the early days of our relationship because it was something that was important to me. It would have been like giving up any other career that I found fulfilling, and I would have been unhappy at being told to do that because I wouldn't understand why their dislike of it had to trump my feelings on it.

If couples have a different viewpoint on something, I always think that compromise is the healthier choice to someone having to totally give up something. Like how some people think that their partner watching porn is cheating, but if porn is a healthy outlet for them and it's something that they like, I personally feel that they shouldn't have to give it up because of the other person. Of course all steps should be taken to discuss it and to try to minimize any hurt the other person is feeling by making sure they understand what role it fulfills for you and such like, but I don't think just giving it up to save their feelings is the right course of action, especially since it doesn't actually deal with the root of the problem. It can be difficult to make sure everyone's happy in a situation like that, but I do think that in some cases it's more the responsibility of the person who has a problem with the thing to deal with their issues with it than to make their partner stop doing it.

I think that automatically stopping doing something because your partner doesn't want you to do it and you do really want to do it isn't the right way of problem-solving - at least for my relationship. I'd rather talk about it and work out what exactly the problem is and see if there are ways around that. Some things that some people want their partner to stop are really simple things like don't wear certain sorts of clothing, don't wear makeup, don't see certain people, and I think a lot of people would see that as controlling and inhibiting the free will of the other person. I can see that more sexual stuff is different because it creates more jealousy, but really it all stems from the same sort of feelings.

32

Young and fun95 wrote:

i dont really understand how the money aspect is changing things. the act itself is cheating, not the motive. if he was paying it'd be cheating but as she's being paid its not cheating? i think maybe she's trying to twist her own and his morals so she can do something she enjoyed. would prostitution be cheating? by these standards it wouldnt be as long as she got paid. she stopped doing it when they got together because she knew it would hurt the relationship, but now she wants to start doing it again, he's made his feelings clear so whether cheating or not, she's still going against his will and is a break of trust.

money is far from everything, I'd rather be on the streets with the love of my life than in a lovely home without him, or worse with him on the laptop to his "clients", i think that she wants to do this for the fun of the act and having good money, if they were on the verge of losing everything and had virtually no choice than i would almost understand, but i dont think this is out of need but want, she wants to do it and is trying to justify it by saying they will get to go on holiday, infact almost bribing him.

Im sorry ut i dont think this is even a question of cheating, but a question of respect: if you really wanted to do something but your partner didnt want you to, would you still do it, or should you still do it?

I agree with you completely. In the end, by the definition of the term "cheating" what she is doing IS cheating. She can justify it to herself all she likes, but it's still cheating.

I love the double standard that if a man pays for a cam girl it's cheating, but BEING a cam girl isn't cheating. That's just laughable to me. If my OH took a picture of her tits on her phone and sent it to my friends, it's cheating. Saying she got paid a tenner for doing so doesn't stop that.

If she was doing camming before she got in a relationship with this guy and she was open and up front about it the whole time, he doesn't have a leg to stand on. He should have decided when they first met whether he was prepared to be in a relationship with her. If it's something she's started doing since the relationship started or she's been hiding and lying to him then she's completely in the wrong and should stop immediately until the two of them can work something out, whether that be the termination of their relationship, or her giving up camming. As said in the quote above, it's a matter or trust and mutual respect. If she's going to say "Screw you I'm doing it" that's a massive lack of respect and a complete loss of trust and I don't blame the guy for thinking of ending the relationship.

I also don't understand this argument that if it's not physical and emotional it's not cheating. Huh? So I can go flirt with a woman, strip down to nothing and watch her masturbate to my body as long there's no emotion involved? I'm sorry, no. Cheating doesn't have to be phyiscal or emotional. If my OH led another guy along, made him believe that he had a chance with her, she is cheating on me. Doesn't have to be any touching, doesn't have to be any emotion involved at all, it's still cheating.

As far as I'm concerned: being a page 3 girl, camming, being in porn, being in zoo/nuts etc. are all cheating, the monetary aspect is irrelevent. Sure there are men that will happily be in a relationship with people who do these things, but thats because they are okay with their partners cheating on them regularly. I would only just be okay with my OH being a lingerie model tbh and even then, it'd take some work.

33

Ink and Kink wrote:

But he won't accept it. Or give her his blessing. He says it's cheating and he can't have her cheating every week.

This is honestly the only line that matters. It doesn't matter what you, I, your friend or anyone else thinks on the matter; he thinks it is cheating. Therefore if she does it, she is cheating on him. It really is that simple!

There's no way to justify this away because he has made it clear that he classes it as cheating. The money doesn't matter, earning vs paying doesn't matter, how personal or impersonal it is doesn't matter, how often she does it doesn't matter, her not seeing it as cheating doesn't matter, literally nothing else matters. Nothing can change the fact that he feels it is cheating. In their relationship, her being a cam girl would be wrong period as it is directly hurting her partner and he has made that perfectly clear.

Sorry to be so black and white but it's a pretty simple situation really! Arguing the bit of why she should be allowed to is really arguing the point that his feelings don't matter, and that because she wants to do it she should manipulate the situation to try to get the answer she wants by pointing out that they need money etc. If she has any respect for the poor fella she'll let this lie and not do it!

34

I don't understand how being in a relationship means that someone else now owns your body and can tell you what to do with it. If I want to show my body off to other people for the sake of my own confidence and making me feel better about myself, then I will. My partner used to think that because we are dating he gets to tell me what I can and can't do with my own body. But no, he can't. I am not in a relationship to be controlled, but to have someone by my side to support me and if we can't support each other then we move on. My body and anyone else’s body is not the property of their partners or anyone else.

Camming isn't being more intimate with anyone else, it's just for enjoyment. Nobody is touching anyone else out of the relationship, so in my opinion it is not cheating. End of the day the pictures that some people post could be a part of someone else’s wank bank and that's not considered cheating, so why is a moving picture any different.

Everyone’s opinion on cheating is different anyway so there is no correct answer here.

35

Young and fun95 wrote:

Personally, I think it's cheating, and if my OH was doing it I would be heart broken, it's not about having feelings for the men but allowing the men to see you and have thoughts about you. Especially as her partner has said he sees it as cheating, to continue doing despite knowing his feelings is the real cheating, she can't force him to accept other men wanking over her so she should stop or leave, I don't see any other way round it tbh.

yes every relationship is different, but boundaries have to set for every couple and he has set his, she should respect that. Our relationship is very clear, even allowing someone to think they have a chance with out is cheating, we don't even flirt with anyone else, this we set out early in the relationship and stick by, it's the only way a couple can trust eachother by respecting the others boundaries, whatever they may be

Agree fully with you YaF, can't say it better myself

36

Lovebirds_x wrote:

Ink and Kink wrote:

But he won't accept it. Or give her his blessing. He says it's cheating and he can't have her cheating every week.

This is honestly the only line that matters. It doesn't matter what you, I, your friend or anyone else thinks on the matter; he thinks it is cheating. Therefore if she does it, she is cheating on him. It really is that simple!

There's no way to justify this away because he has made it clear that he classes it as cheating. The money doesn't matter, earning vs paying doesn't matter, how personal or impersonal it is doesn't matter, how often she does it doesn't matter, her not seeing it as cheating doesn't matter, literally nothing else matters. Nothing can change the fact that he feels it is cheating. In their relationship, her being a cam girl would be wrong period as it is directly hurting her partner and he has made that perfectly clear.

Sorry to be so black and white but it's a pretty simple situation really! Arguing the bit of why she should be allowed to is really arguing the point that his feelings don't matter, and that because she wants to do it she should manipulate the situation to try to get the answer she wants by pointing out that they need money etc. If she has any respect for the poor fella she'll let this lie and not do it!

+1!

37

TickleMeTots wrote:

Lovebirds_x wrote:

Ink and Kink wrote:

But he won't accept it. Or give her his blessing. He says it's cheating and he can't have her cheating every week.

This is honestly the only line that matters. It doesn't matter what you, I, your friend or anyone else thinks on the matter; he thinks it is cheating. Therefore if she does it, she is cheating on him. It really is that simple!

There's no way to justify this away because he has made it clear that he classes it as cheating. The money doesn't matter, earning vs paying doesn't matter, how personal or impersonal it is doesn't matter, how often she does it doesn't matter, her not seeing it as cheating doesn't matter, literally nothing else matters. Nothing can change the fact that he feels it is cheating. In their relationship, her being a cam girl would be wrong period as it is directly hurting her partner and he has made that perfectly clear.

Sorry to be so black and white but it's a pretty simple situation really! Arguing the bit of why she should be allowed to is really arguing the point that his feelings don't matter, and that because she wants to do it she should manipulate the situation to try to get the answer she wants by pointing out that they need money etc. If she has any respect for the poor fella she'll let this lie and not do it!

+1!

+2!

It's understandable that everyone has different views on this topic, but it doesn't help to just ignore the way other people feel. I've seen so many responses justifying why it's not cheating, because it's just work or they need money or there's no physical contact etc... that's absolutely fine, if that's what you believe. But I think it's unfair to expect others to have the same opinion and be okay with it, just because it's what you feel. Truth is, there is no right or wrong in this situation, it's a deeply personal thing.

If this guy has set his boundaries and isn't comfortable, then the decision has to be made about what's more important, instead of trying to force someone in to accepting something that goes against their moral values, because that's just not right.

38

Hold on here Ink & Kink...you said she skyped sex for him for free. Maybe I am reading too much into this but did she met him through her previous cam girl work?

If that is the case he doesn't want her to met anyone new that way.

39

Hold on here Ink & Kink...you said she skyped sex for him for free. Maybe I am reading too much into this but did she met him through her previous cam girl work?

If that is the case he doesn't want her to met anyone new that way.

oooooohhhh good point! as with him it did include emotion, so why wouldnt it again with another man?? i hadnt even looked at it from that point of view

40

No, she knew him whilst she was a cam girl, as friends. Then ended up skype sexing him. But he knew what she did as her job xx