my wife can be quite reserved where sex is concerned despite us talking about her being a bit more adventurous.
Do others think it is possible for people to change this?
It's not the end of the world as we have a good sex life but I've recently found myself more into the idea of having a naughty wife/hotwife
Me and [my OH] have a very good sex life and I can say that we are both adventurous. We also talk about our love making and then giving new things a try.
I am worst in the bedroom and look like butter would not melt. I think your Wife could be your hot wife if you give her time.
Yes, but its not gonna happen overnight. I'd say you'd need to find their "thing" and develop that, what you are asking demends enthusiasm and you'll only get that with thinks they love doing. Use you imagination and help them if that's what they want.
It shouldn't be for your pleasure, that's a secondary benefit, first and foremost its their feelings and egerness that has to be the driver.
There are also prohibitors to beat too, any depression, illness and pain that might be in the mix, along with any personal hang-ups and reservations that might be there.
They need to be treated as a person and not an object also.
Tiger Dick wrote:
Yes, but its not gonna happen overnight. I'd say you'd need to find their "thing" and develop that, what you are asking demends enthusiasm and you'll only get that with thinks they love doing. Use you imagination and help them if that's what they want.
It shouldn't be for your pleasure, that's a secondary benefit, first and foremost its their feelings and egerness that has to be the driver.
There are also prohibitors to beat too, any depression, illness and pain that might be in the mix, along with any personal hang-ups and reservations that might be there.
They need to be treated as a person and not an object also.
+1 to this. Agree with every point.
⬆️ What they said!
I think people can change; my sex drive took a huge dip when I was on anti depressants. I didn't realise it was the pills causing it until I reduced my dose, and wham!! Straight back up and through the roof!!
Sometimes you need a change to spice things up; how about doing something unexpected like buying her a bottle of her fave sexy perfume, laying out some of her clothes that you really like to see her wear, along with the gift and pop a little note on top saying to meet you at a local bar/restaurant for a date night! My OH did that for me once, I turned up at the pub and he was sat there with a bottle of wine and 2 glasses, then he took me for a lovely meal in town!
Oh yes! I used to be very sexual active then hit a wall and became reserved. Now with the help of lovehoney I'm back into the swing of things.
Sit down and talk to her. She may be feeling the same.
Yes for sure!
My oh was very reserved when we first got together as was I, I think this was based on our previous partners/experiences but we have been very open with each other and are open to try anything the other suggests! This has been built up over the last ten years and we were both honest about our past experiences and what we fantasised about and took it from there, we both have high sex drives too which helps us! Ultimately I think it comes down to communication and honesty with each other, I also would suggest reassurance for her as I know for myself it wasn't always easy to let go through fear of looking like a fool (again something bourne from my previous partner who incidentally was my first and only experience prior to my now Oh)
You have been given lots of already great advice and I hope some of it can help you both!
Lilmiss
I agree with the others on this thread, it is something that can be changed/improved over time, my OH and I have continued to broaden our bedroom antics over the past few years. Much of which was from items bought on this site too 😀 but as mentioned previously, communication is the most important thing
Yes I think it is possible to change- I went through a stage where I didn't find myself attractive- I've lost a bit of weight and suddenly I am literally ravenous for it.
talking really does help and I think taking things slowly with new things is a must.
When we have spoken , My wife appears to have no fantasies, or certainly none she's willing to divulge!
Agree with Tiger Dick.
With the right encouragement, your partner might become less reserved. Whether or not she will want to indulge in your particular fantasies is another matter.
Caliente wrote:
Agree with Tiger Dick.
With the right encouragement, your partner might become less reserved. Whether or not she will want to indulge in your particular fantasies is another matter.
+1
I agree with the rest about being more willing to explore, but being a hotwife is really quite different from say, exploring bondage. You could gradually explore possiblities with her, but I'd also urge you to recognise the boundaries she may have and recognise it. Not everyone (women and men!) will appreciate nor take kindly to their partners asking them to have sex with someone else.
Dixie Normous wrote:
my wife can be quite reserved where sex is concerned despite us talking about her being a bit more adventurous.
Do others think it is possible for people to change this?
It's not the end of the world as we have a good sex life but I've recently found myself more into the idea of having a naughty wife/hotwife
I'd also add give her some encouragement too, tell her what you loved about last night, maybe a text too.
There's nothing like pampering to your OH's ego if you feel they lack confidence (this applies to either sex BTW) don't over do it and be sincere though.
There is some great advice given here.
You said your wife is reserved and despite you both talking about her being more adventurous. She is probably happy with the sex you are having already (you said it is good).
It doesn't mean your wife is reserved but probably has no wish to be more adventurous. While it's good to communicate, you have to go about it in the right way. If Mr KB said to me that he wanted me to be more adventurous, I would feel blamed and useless and that his sexual happiness is all down to me and my actions.
In answer to can people change - yes they can and they do but they have to want to change for themselves not from pressure from their partner.
Myself and Mr KB were very vanilla until a few years ago, it was boring, mundane and ended up virtually sexless. It came to crunch point so we talked and put a plan in action. We bought toys, discussed fantasies and learnt along the way together. Neither blamed the other it was 50/50 and now it is great and when we have a blip we talk, but it is mainly about life getting in the way.
If you aren't satisfied, you have to work together, be her guide if she is clueless on what you want as she isn't a mind reader. Let her know when she gets it right as she will be more inclined to do it again. Everyone wants to please their partner, your wife included. She just doesn't know how or what you want.
I didn't know what I liked and a lot don't until they experience a certain thing, that does it for them and your wife could be the same. This forum can make it look like all the women on here are adventurous and hot and a lot are, but you have to remember this place is just a small cross section of the general public and not everyone in the real world are the same.
When the time is right you could point her to Lovehoney just to see if there is anything she wouldn't mind trying but take it slowly without pressure.
You already have a good sexlife which is more than a lot of us had when we started coming here, so you have an excellent foundation to build on together.
My wife is going through the menopause. HELP!
Hotwife in more ways than one.
In response to the original question, I can only say that in my experience "yes". But that's obviously not a one size fits all answer. We've always had a fairly good sex life but it's never been out of the ordinary - good but not adventurous.
And then one day, we joined Lovehoney and I made a few toy purchases just to see how they went down. And to be honest almost overnight things went from good to better to best. I won't be too graphic here, but there is literally nothing we haven't tried since January. Some were better than others, but overall it's been a 95% improvement. It was a joint effort with lots of talking, boundaries in place and trial and (a little) error.
I think posting some pics and getting good responses made GV realise she was still hot in her late 60's. For my part I have always been up for anything.
So, I stress, this is only our experience but it's offered as an encouragement that we never know what's round the corner - and with a little help (actually a lot of help) from Lovehoney the impossible can be achievable. I hope that helps a little bit.
OH
Tiger Dick wrote:
Dixie Normous wrote:
my wife can be quite reserved where sex is concerned despite us talking about her being a bit more adventurous.
Do others think it is possible for people to change this?
It's not the end of the world as we have a good sex life but I've recently found myself more into the idea of having a naughty wife/hotwife
I'd also add give her some encouragement too, tell her what you loved about last night, maybe a text too.
There's nothing like pampering to your OH's ego if you feel they lack confidence (this applies to either sex BTW) don't over do it and be sincere though.
Tiger Dick wrote:
Yes, but its not gonna happen overnight. I'd say you'd need to find their "thing" and develop that, what you are asking demends enthusiasm and you'll only get that with thinks they love doing. Use you imagination and help them if that's what they want.
It shouldn't be for your pleasure, that's a secondary benefit, first and foremost its their feelings and egerness that has to be the driver.
There are also prohibitors to beat too, any depression, illness and pain that might be in the mix, along with any personal hang-ups and reservations that might be there.
They need to be treated as a person and not an object also.
+1 to what Tiger Dick has said, and yes I totally agree that things can change, confidence can grow etc. Just never stop communicating with each other - as I think this is one of the most important parts of a relationship xx
Sometimes the taboo is just admiting that we are turned on in the first place. If your wife appears turned on, try to work out the cause and go from there.
By trying to get them to admit to being turned on may cause them to confront issues that you may not be aware of. Tread carefully and you may find yourself where you want to be.
Communication is good but in rare cases best left to the professionals.
Modo wrote:
Sometimes the taboo is just admiting that we are turned on in the first place. If your wife appears turned on, try to work out the cause and go from there.
By trying to get them to admit to being turned on may cause them to confront issues that you may not be aware of. Tread carefully and you may find yourself where you want to be.
Communication is good but in rare cases best left to the professionals.
Thats a tricky one as good communication clears up conflicting signals and is best done but by treading carefully. For example becasue my OH dresses up in a School student costume doesnt necessarily mean she wants her bum rapped . She may want to just make love in it in a dirty way as if behind the bike sheds .
Communication is essential IMHO.
mysteron wrote:
Modo wrote:
Sometimes the taboo is just admiting that we are turned on in the first place. If your wife appears turned on, try to work out the cause and go from there.
By trying to get them to admit to being turned on may cause them to confront issues that you may not be aware of. Tread carefully and you may find yourself where you want to be.
Communication is good but in rare cases best left to the professionals.
Thats a tricky one as good communication clears up conflicting signals and is best done but by treading carefully. For example becasue my OH dresses up in a School student costume doesnt necessarily mean she wants her bum rapped . She may want to just make love in it in a dirty way as if behind the bike sheds .
Communication is essential IMHO.
That is good advice, safe words are always a good start.
This is important as you really can be in a great session and get to hear your OH say "No" but in truth they say it as it may add to the authenticity of what you are doing. Naughty school girl etc and anything but no wouldn't work.
As long as you are clear about this from the get go, this will start of a new aspect to your love life.
Just imagine, instead of being confused about langauge at the peek of your passion, a random word or phrase can give your OH the ability to stop what you are doing immediately. This is so important you do that to gain trust in this system whilst allowing her to not feel silly saying something normally said as a stop signal.
The usual phrase or word(s) are RED or RED LIGHT, and you can also include AMBER (LIGHT) to stop for a moment and listen to the sayer, they then get the chance to alter whats happening, not nessasery end it.