So I’ve posted about my problems with friends before. Now this isn’t the girl who was trying to get with the guy I was seeing this is the two who fucked things up for me ultimately. Long story short they poked their noses where it wasn’t wanted, they stirred and slagged me and him off and when things went wrong the male friend even told the fellas sister I was lying. He’s been manipulative to me for many years…
ANYWAY before I go off on one…. Last night was the first time I saw any of my mates from the same friendship group since it happened, naturally as me and the two friends have always been joined at the hip for the last 13 years everyone naturally wanted to know how they were and kept bringing them up. So I told them what had happened and they said how disgusting it was of them (particularly him) now I know it’s been months but I still can’t let it go. Is this normal? I’ve tried my hardest to talk them I just got told I was saying they were bad friends and I was being guilt tripped by them.
I am seriously considering just deleting them from my life but at the same time they bought me an expensive day out with them in April and I don’t want to dump them with it. (It’s something I like BUT because it’s with them I’m actually dreading it!) but I can’t dump them after because I’ll seem ungrateful and part of me is praying this day/night thing will be what we need to get our friendship back on track but it’s trying to survive for now.
Will deleting them make things worse? The friends I spoke to are all on my side and I love them for it and one friend told me to just leave them to it and stick with the people I was with because they’ll never control me, never interfere in my life etc.
Thing is because male friend is living a lie (gay but won’t come out) he’s making everyone else’s romantic life a living hell. He slags off ALL of our partners. doesn’t like me having other friends, tells me when I can and cant drink can and can’t dance, forces me to play darts or karaoke etc it’s not that I won’t do it it’s that I want to do it in my own time and I always tell him this.
Female friend joined in slagging off but wasn’t as bad as male friend but when it came to me needing her… she took HIS side.
Oh and one thing I keep thinking that a mate has brought back to my attention is as he was on the guy I was seeing’s face book has he secretly messaged him and made me out to be deranged or something? There HAS to be a reason because after what my male friend said there was a bit of a gap then we got things back on track then one day he was like I’m sorry but I can’t break your heart you’re in too deep and I’m scared I’ll hurt you. The only person who thinks I was in too deep was male and female friend. We were happy and just having some casual fun that had planned to go as far as sex but he always treated me like a princess (always messaging me… even when football was on which is a big deal, telling all his friends about me, inviting me on holiday, making me a play list, always apologising for late replies, texting me just to tell me how beautiful I am to him, messaging me no matter what he was doing like even out with his mates he even called me his missus to them once in a nice way… they were like who are you messaging? He smiled and was like the missus etc just made me feel incredible) then one night I wake up at 2am to hear he doesn’t want it any more as I’m “in too deep” and going to get hurt and how he couldn’t do that to me.
If I find out my male friend had secretly messaged me he’s dead to me. Oh and the fella wouldn’t tell me because he didn’t want me losing friends because of him because he felt really guilty when I stopped being mates with the one who kept trying to flirt and meet him in secret alone so he said ever since he doesn’t want me losing more friends because of him so when I asked he denied but he will do for that reason.
FYI what hurts the most is breaking up essentially with 3 people two of which were in my life for 13 years 1 wasn't exactly a break up but still
I don't want to speak ill of your friends, because it's like speaking ill of your judgement but... If this was happening to a stranger instead of you, what would you tell them to do? From my POV, as a stranger, I would say walk away. Just because they've been in your life for so long doesn't mean they have to stay in your life, especially if they're controlling and manipulative. Real friends don't make people feel the way they make you feel! He obviously has issues surrounding his sexuality, but it seems he's venting those issues on you and that is not fair! Regarding the day you have planned together, I don't think it will fix things, I think it may be something else to hold over you.
Some people are like poison, they seep in and intoxicate, suffocate, weigh you down, and it's only when you take the steps to remove them that you discover how easy it is to breathe again. Massive hugs coming your way!
Thank you Hun I see what you mean and yeah they might do as my other friends pointed out its just because they feel guilty x
Your so called friends Kirsty are fucked up! and not very ice human beings! Cut them out of your life once and for all!
I agree they tend to be too toxic and clearly don't do you any favours.
mysteron wrote:
I agree they tend to be too toxic and clearly don't do you any favours.
+1 With friends like that who needs enemies
Even my blooming enemies aren't this bad lol
My other mates from our group know and are on my side they actually said that both friends have always seemed quite manipulative but they never realised what they were doing to me.
I was scared to tell them (and I told them this too) that I didn't want to say anything in case it broke the group up but I needed to tell them because they kept bringing him up and it made me feel so low because normally we'd be there all three of us and whoever else from the group too but nope wasn't with them and it felt weird but I still had an amazing time once everything was said they all used the same word "disgusting" disgusting how they could say that or be like that etc but the main advice came from a friend and we stood out in the rain under a bit of shelter whilst he had his vape and both of us with no jacket but we stood speaking for over half hour just the two of us and he gave me some great advice (hadn't seen him in 5 years because of him in uni us then both working him not living local)
Kirsty It sounds like your real friends would be supportive when you make the decision that I believe deep down you already know you have to make at some time.Do it now ditch em,sure you will be much happier than having your life controlled by a couple of obviously jealous losers.
Yeah I guess deep down I do know but it's hard to do because they've been in my life for so long. We were basically 1 brother and 2 sisters they even called my mum their other mum. But even my parents say not to talk to them but it's hard to just walk away
Yeah I guess deep down I do know but it's hard to do because they've been in my life for so long. We were basically 1 brother and 2 sisters they even called my mum their other mum. But even my parents say not to talk to them but it's hard to just walk away
It might be hard to walk away, but you have got to do what's best for you. I don't think you need any more toxicity at the moment, you have enough going on. x
Friends ? What friends........ they don't sound like friends to me xx
The more I think about the more I want to punch male friend luckily I'm going to get therapy soon and and will ask them to help me maybe let go and move on without them
If I find out he has been messaging the fella I was seeing he will actually be dead to me
Hi Kirsty92
I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I know what it's like to feel really loyal to long term friends even when they don't treat you the way they should. It's hard to know when to let them go but once you have you'll be upset but relieved. You only have one life, you need to feel happy and the best way to do that is to surround yourself with wonderful people and forget the rest. Nobody has the right to make you feel bad
Thank you yummy mummy and yeah I guess it'll feel ba for a while but I still feel bad now