Good eveing all, as some of you may know, I have pretty bad anxiety issues. Now when people start having a go at me about it it anoys me but I deal with it. But today one of my " friends" out of the blue started having a go, saying I was free loading off my parents and not trying to get over it. Anybody on here that knows me can confirm that I do try to get over it and what my friend said really did hurt. Its why I dont tell people about it really.
Does anybody else feel they have to hide stuff from people as they dont understand, and wont understand what it means to you??
Also, hello everybody! Im still around, dont worry about that, just been lurking in the shadows for awhile xx
I think it's (sadly) quite common for some of the people you consider friends to sometimes make you feel bad about yourself and/or hurt your feelings, I've certainly had it happen on several occasions. I try not to let it get to me but some things just get under my skin no matter how much I tell myself I'm okay.
If I feel that some of the people I hang out with (unfortunately we don't always get to pick our company) would do such things I will keep certain things from them, yes. Mostly because I don't feel they are worth sharing the important things with :P I think it's definitely fair to hide some things from some people, after all your private life is private and you choose who to share it with.
I think I know how you feel. It's not the same situation, but I too have a friend that keeps having a go at me, only because I don't have a job. It's not like I'm not trying, because I am and it's not my fault as it's harder for me to find a job suitable to my needs as there is a lot that I unfortunately can't do due to past surgery, but they just don't seem to understand at all! It's because of friends like this that I have started keeping quite a lot of stuff to myself.
No one knows what you're dealing with and what is going on in your mind so I don't know how they can even turn around and say that you're not trying. I'm slowly learning to stop letting my friend get to me as much as it only makes me feel like crap even more. I know it's easier said than done, especially with anxiety issues, but just try and ignore this friend of yours for your own benefit. I just don't understand how friends can say things like this though, I thought they were supposed to be supportive and help us get through harder times? Not make us feel worse about the situation.
Sophie, thats exactly how it feels! Your not upset at what they say as much as you are that it was a friend that said it! I never tell anyone the whole story about me anymore cause they more they know, the more they seem to hold against you sadly!
Just sucks that people can be so inconsiderate towards you because of a situation you have no control over
I have ADHD, alot of people dont understand that it affects people in different ways, including my friends. You gotta learn to ignore them, theyre not your friends if theyre not willing to understand the way you feel and how your situation is.
Sophie, thats exactly how it feels! Your not upset at what they say as much as you are that it was a friend that said it! I never tell anyone the whole story about me anymore cause they more they know, the more they seem to hold against you sadly!
Just sucks that people can be so inconsiderate towards you because of a situation you have no control over
Yep, the fact they they are a friend definitely hurts more than if a stranger or someone I wasn't as close to said it...it's just more personal.
Unfortunately I think a lot of people remember more of the 'bad' things and things you'd rater them not remember too much of, rather than silly little things that are less personal.
Maybe you should talk to your friend and tell them that what they've said is not helping and making you feel worse, and that you'd like them to be more supportive towards you to help you deal with it.
Steve, I've had serious anxiety issues in the past. If it interfers with your life a lot, it's a real bitch to say the least. If it's a big thing for you, you can speed up the process of sorting it out by getting some outside help..... your GP is in a position to refer you. There are (NHS) courses you can do and CBT, both of which show you how to think in a more realistic and less destructive way.
Hopefully you are already dealing with your anxiety, rather than just sitting there being its victim.
Re the hurtful comment about spongeing off your parents, it might reassure you to know that I got this stuff when I was using my parents place as a base, staying there several weeks at a time between making trips away. And I was in my 50's! The people who were accusing me of spongeing were my sisters, who then persuaded my parents that that was what I was doing. As far as I was concerned, it was a bit of a 'second childhood'..... but I needed a base, and home is home. But yeah, it hurt to be getting this stuff, especially when I started to get it from my parents... it felt like rejection.
I do sympathise with you. If you are having a problem with anxiety, especially if it's to do with a loss of self-worth, then the last thing you need is personal criticism. You need the opposite, ie your self-worth needs a boost by receiving respect and praise. Trouble is, when you're down, not a lot of respect and praise comes your way..... and you can get into a serious downward spiral of worsening self-worth and worsening reactions from other people. So it's important to do something to get it sorted out
Hopefully you are already dealing with your anxiety, rather than just sitting there being its victim.
Ive been on anti-depressents for 3 years now for the anxiety and they do really help, i was too scared to leave the house before hand but these tablets have helped me a lot, ive gone to uni and got a degree, ive done a year and a half of psycho-theropy and councilling ( i tried CBT but didnt like it)
So i am doing stuff about it. Ive even had relapses, before i was put on these tablets i was doing really well with my anxiety but had a massive fall back and become house bound and literrally paralysed with fear. Its been hard, picking myself back up again, knowing that one big slip and i could be right back there again is scray.
So i dont know where my friend gets off saying i dont try and im just using it as an excuse to sponge off my parents. He's a typical bloke honestly, he doesnt understand it and thinks i should just "man up and get on with it"
Yup. You know very well that people, who haven't been through an anxiety crisis, have little or no idea. Really ignorant one's say 'Pull yourself together'.
Let's face it this guy is in that category. The question is..... is what he said valid? Answer...... 'No'. Why?...... because your self-worth/self-believe/self-confidence has taken a big hit and you need a stable home situation in order to cope at the moment. If you weren't in this situation, then yes, maybe what he said could be true.... you are 'spongeing' when you could be out there doing stuff by yourself.
So make some allowance for this guy and other's like him. They actually mean well. He's trying to goad you into having a 'normal' life. It troubles him to see you claiming to 'have a problem' when he can see no problem.
That's one option.... making allowances for him. The other option is to be angry at him for being a prat. What ever you go for doessn't matter that much. The thing is to adjust your thinking, so that instead of feeling hurt, you are able to dismiss what he said as being invalid, ignorant, misplaced and not worth paying any attention to. Problem is he's a pal and you value him and what he says hurts.
Anyway, glad you haven't been taking this anxiety thing sitting down. I went on anti-depressants very briefly. I found they sort of worked because even when I had 'reverses' and messed-up, it didn't seem to matter. However, I found my pulse was racing and so ditched them. I did some NHS courses like 'anxiety management' and 'assertiveness', which were worthwhile, but not nearly enough to sort me out. (I should tell you that at this time it was a big thing even to go into a shop and ask something of a sales assistant....) Anyway, my strategy thereon was to sort the bloody thing myself..... the NHS had offered all the limited help it could. So it was a matter of reading as much as I could on the subject ie Social Anxiety Disorder. The internet was good and Amazon books was good.
Don't know if SAD is your issue, but if it is, it will take time to sort. I would recommend taking a similar 'active' approach.... not just relying on therapists.
Hi Steve, I’m sorry to hear you are having problems
I myself suffer from anxiety issues and it is something I have been dealing with for about 6 years. It took me over four years to admit it and I was hiding it from people. As an Environmental consultant I have to make big calls with little information and this is a key issue that leads to my anxiety. Now I understand what makes me feel the anxiety I am learning to deal with it.
It is a serious issue for many and you are not alone, I myself have a good family and a group of friends that would never give me problems over my anxiety, I would suggest anyone that gives you are hard time over this isn’t a friend you need.
Good eveing all, as some of you may know, I have pretty bad anxiety issues. Now when people start having a go at me about it it anoys me but I deal with it. But today one of my " friends" out of the blue started having a go, saying I was free loading off my parents and not trying to get over it. Anybody on here that knows me can confirm that I do try to get over it and what my friend said really did hurt. Its why I dont tell people about it really.
Does anybody else feel they have to hide stuff from people as they dont understand, and wont understand what it means to you??
Also, hello everybody! Im still around, dont worry about that, just been lurking in the shadows for awhile xx
Hi Steve, good to see that you are still on here! :)
It sounds like your friend is being a typical bloke, wanting you to "suck it up and be a man" (I have an older brother so I know what they're like lol). In his own way he may be trying to help you, some people do go about anxiety issues like the sufferer can just "get over it" when 99% of the time this isn't the case.
And as for sponging off of your parents, if you respect them and pay your rent (if you have a job, I know you don't so don't worry chick) I really don't see what the problem is. Some people can be dead spiteful when they hear I am nearly twenty and are like WHAT? Still live with your parents? You saddo!!
Chin up though Steve, you have us and other friends and family xx
I think I know how you feel. It's not the same situation, but I too have a friend that keeps having a go at me, only because I don't have a job. It's not like I'm not trying, because I am and it's not my fault as it's harder for me to find a job suitable to my needs as there is a lot that I unfortunately can't do due to past surgery, but they just don't seem to understand at all! It's because of friends like this that I have started keeping quite a lot of stuff to myself.
And I'm sorry to hear this Sophie, it is so difficult to get a job in today's current climate. It upsets me when friends say mean things and don't seem to realise the effect it has on you - a complete stranger saying the same things is easier to deal with, but when it's friends messing with your emotions it's a whole different story. I hope you can find a job soon and life in general is going well for you! xx
Steve me dear I'm sorry but I'm with Lifebuoy, boy is talking sense.
You're stronger than you think you are. Life is never going to be all sunshine and lollipops; we both know this and you've achieved so much despite the obstacles in your way. This is one more obstacle and I'll loan you my step ladder or you know, be a bit annoying and talk crap.
You'll be ok Steve. We're here if you need us. There are many people on here that owe you a thank you at the very minimum. You're always a great mate to those in need so now its time to start accepting help where you can find it and ignore the people that are trying to do the worse thing; no one with anxiety and depression can just "snap out of it".
His intentions were good I'm sure but you're not a freeloader. Getting a job in this economy is nigh on impossible even for those with skills.
I spent most of my life hiding a lot of who I am, simply because where I live it's not generally "acceptable". People in my part of the world, particurally men, are supposed to be a certain way, and I'm almost 100% the opposite. To be honest it's been easier for me to have few IRL friends and have more online friends from different parts of the world who don't care about it.
When I used to fake my personality I had a reasonable number of friends, one day it all just built up and I thought "fuck it" and cut them all out of my life.
No hun, he wasnt just saying it to like try and goad me into doing somthing. He was shouting it at me, insulting me with it, he was gettin agnry sayin stuff like "why should you get to sponge off your parents while i go out to work, your just a freeloader who uses his anxiety as an excuse to be lazy"
He wasnt doing it for any other reason than to be a dick and upset me.
I think I know how you feel. It's not the same situation, but I too have a friend that keeps having a go at me, only because I don't have a job. It's not like I'm not trying, because I am and it's not my fault as it's harder for me to find a job suitable to my needs as there is a lot that I unfortunately can't do due to past surgery, but they just don't seem to understand at all! It's because of friends like this that I have started keeping quite a lot of stuff to myself.
And I'm sorry to hear this Sophie, it is so difficult to get a job in today's current climate. It upsets me when friends say mean things and don't seem to realise the effect it has on you - a complete stranger saying the same things is easier to deal with, but when it's friends messing with your emotions it's a whole different story. I hope you can find a job soon and life in general is going well for you! xx
At first I kept quiet and tried dealing with it in my head but the more they brought it up the more I thought 'you know what fuck this' and started retaliating at them and telling them how much is was messing with me psychologically. I hate bringing myself to other people's level but it got to the point where it had to be done. I think they've begun to get the message now. :P It's not just the fact that it's a friend, it's that because they speak to and see you regularly they have more opportunities to bring it up, where as with a stranger your only going to see them once.
Anyway, apart from the whole job and friend thing, thankfully everything else in my life is fine. Health wise, I'm as good as I can be really and can't complain. :) Funily enough this afternoon I was informed I might have a couple of jobs lined up doing photography. Maybe things are looking up afterall. :D Hope everything's going well for you to HE! x
But I think we all need to have a chat to Steve's friend and tell them they need to just shut their mouth and be supportive!
xx
or you know, be a bit annoying and talk crap.