Hi all, I have made friends with a gay guy who lives in America who’s got a profile on Twitter on which he puts updates of his sounding exploits! We sort of hit it of when through some of my replies he was impressed I could sound up to 15mm when the biggest he can do is 12mm, Through DM we have chatted regularly with him wanting advice on how to proceed with going bigger and we have both shared pictures and videos of sounding sessions, he’s done some private ones for me which he hasn’t shared on Twitter and obviously all mine only he has seen. My OH knows I sound but doesn’t know I’m sharing with this guy! As far as I’m concerned it’s just 2 guys sharing with a common interest sharing advice and tips but my best friend who’s female says it’s cheating on my wife and I should stop.
It got me thinking as I think I’m doing nothing wrong or is my GBF right?
Would be really interested in your opinion.
Cheers all.
Thing everyones opinion will differ slightly as we all have different takes on “cheating”
Mine is no you are not
But I am a bit open minded on sexual matters.
Thanks @CurvyJilly34F. Yes open minded probably does help. My GBF is my confidant and knows all my deepest darkest secrets, like she’s the only one who knows I’m Bi. Because of this she thinks it OK for us to be best friends but hates it when her boyfriend has friends who are female. Just I do trust her opinions a lot but think she’s wrong on this one.
I think if you’re asking the question, you are probably thinking it’s maybe pushing on the cheating boundaries.
I’m with the same opinion as @CurvyJilly and I don’t think you are. I have several guy friends (in relationships or married) and we discuss sexual matters openly.
I would discuss everything with your wife as keeping things is never a good thing and can bring out trust issues.
I agree with @CurvyJilly
Everyone has a different view on cheating but for me cheating is less about the act and more about the dishonesty.
I get where your friend is coming from as you are sharing pictures and videos of something that is ultimately a sex act but it doesn’t sound like you are viewing it that way.
For me, it wouldn’t be cheating but I would be a little upset if I found out my partner was hiding it from me.
I videoed myself squirting and showed (not sent) it to my bi-sexual friend for advice. I wouldn’t say that was cheating…she sent me a pic of her butt plug in place I got her as a gift again I wouldn’t say she was cheating on her partner.
But again others might… it’s a tricky one and you know your partner better than anyone as to what she may think.
Hi Chlo, I’m asking the question as I didn’t see anything wrong in what I am doing but I hold my GBF’s opinion dearly and her saying that got me thinking even though I don’t agree with her, I know I can rely on good open advice on hear so thought I’d ask my fellow LH kinksters their opinions.
@Yes_man oh please don’t take offense, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I just know when I start to think about things or overthink stuff, I deep down know I’m probably doing something I shouldn’t.
Like I said, I wouldn’t class it as cheating 
I kind of agree about not cheating. However if you are hiding it from / deliberately not sharing that you are doing this with your OH I’d question why?
If its that innocent and she wouldn’t mind then tell her. If she does mind then you know it’s not ok with her (cheating or just not acceptable).
No judgement here just my thoughts.
I know my wife has shown my her best friend, who incidentally is an Ex of hers, all our toys and bondage gear, I know they’ve shared a lot and I don’t see that as cheating just 2 girls girl chatting, I put this to my GBF but she said that was different but couldn’t say why!!
Sorry didn’t take offence at all, I value your opinion, just explaining my position. 
I also don’t think it’s cheating though i’d still talk to your partner about it, explain how you view it as sharing a hobby (it just happens to be a bit more intimate a hobby than most).
How open you are varies from person to person, i’m not comfortable talking about anything remotely intimate with most yet i’ve seen my best friend naked (and vice versa), slept on her boobs, bought her sex toys and actually been messaged by her during sex. There’s no way in hell i’d do that with anyone else, so from an outside perspective it could look like we’re dating (and therefore cheating when we have partners). To me it’s just how we are but not everyone would see it like that so we’ve both had to work at understanding why/how other people view it differently. (This part seems relevant in my head, if it’s not please say and i’ll delete it. In my head the little story is relevant but it may not actually connect properly with how i’ve explained it)
Like i said, just be open about how you view it and ask her opinion. If she has any issues regarding it, it’s better to talk through them now rather than if it seems like you’ve purposely hidden it (rather than the actual case of it just not occurring to you)
Yes your right @Ace12345, My wife is much like you with her GBF, they’ve been BF’s since they was kids and did have a 2 year lesbian relationship when they was in their teens, they’ve stayed BF’s since and have a friendship just like yours and your BF, I can approach her about this because even she would see it as a but hypocritical as I know about her friendship and openness with her BF, Suppose I didn’t think of saying anything to her as I didn’t see anything wrong in what I was doing but maybe out of courtesy its right to let her know about my new friend. X
I think this is the key point from your earlier posts
Nothing is being hidden so it’s definitely not cheating. The GBF may think it’s different because you haven’t told your wife yet? That’s the most rational explanation i can come up with. I do understand what you mean though, with it genuinely not just not occurring to you to mention it (i’ve had stuff like that loads too)
I agree that it’s not cheating because you aren’t actually having any physical sexual activity together.
HOWEVER if she was to accidentally find out, I don’t think she would be happy you kept it from her and it may encourage her to wonder what else you might be hiding - so it’s just not good for the relationship.
Again, some people’s idea of cheating is different.
So ask yourself, if you heard her having phone sex - something you never knew about. How might that make you feel? You may wonder why she feels the need to do it and what else she might be doing.
If my hubby wanted to explore different things I know that I wouldn’t mind but I’d want to know every detail about it.
@Cupc8kes I know my OH would never cheat but I do also know she is very graphic where her BF, and even though I know she’s an ex-partner of hers I don’t know everything they say or share but I don’t see it as cheating just girl chat! I suppose I don’t see anything different to what I am doing with this my new gay friend.
Yup, I get where you’re coming from.
If you see it from that perspective (and she would too) then there’s nothing to worry about.
Hi @Yes_man I don’t have Twitter, Facebook etc so not sure how it all works. I would be happy if replies, pictures etc were shared in public forum with other enthusiasts to discuss where allowed and of appropriate images. You say your OH doesn’t know about this so I would have to question why not. You also say your are in contact via DM which I take to be direct messaging? This being the case I would say this has now moved to a personal level and would not be happy with this at all. Deceit is a horrible thing to have in any relationship. This is only my opinion and I’m not having a go just saying how I see it 
I think ‘cheating’ is a broad term which means different things to different people.
However if it were my OH doing what you are then I would most definitely be incredibly unhappy.
I’m not judging you for it I promise, as I say I know different folks have different boundaries but that would definitely be over the line for me.
Just to phrase it in a different way: If she was sharing intimate pictures/videos of a sex act with a male friend she’d met over the internet would you be okay with it? Would you think you were doing something wrong if it was a woman instead of a man? Unfortunately society frames certain things as okay for one sex but not the other, and whilst it shouldn’t be like this, I sometimes find it helpful to check myself in a way by switching it if that makes sense? And also helpful to see how the other person may view things.
I agree with others that I don’t view it as cheating, but thought I’d just comment with another viewpoint. Cheating depends on the boundaries of your relationship and what you have agreed together. I don’t think everything needs to be shared with partners, however it needs to be within the agreed limits, and if this falls outside it, then I would discuss it with her 