I agree with what you've said David. However, there's always this talk around 'confusion', which is what bothers me the most. Gay people go through some sort of confusion, which is sometimes a traumatic experience, but I feel if we teach our children that it doesn't matter who they love, then hopefully this confusion will go away. It's only a confusing time because being gay in society is not something thats classed as 'biologically normal'. Men should be with women, women should be with men, then they should have babies and populate the world. If everyone can one day accept that reporduction and love are two different things, then this confusion can be eliminated. Of course, love and reporduction in human life, sometimes go hand in hand if you're looking at things in black and white, but at the end of the day, we're animals and most animals don't stay monogomous, and I feel like love and reproduction can be addressed as two different matters. And anyway, this world is far too overpopulated, reproduction shouldn't be a factor in anything anymore. There's too many people on this world!
MrsMcX wrote:
And anyway, this world is far too overpopulated, reproduction shouldn't be a factor in anything anymore. There's too many people on this world!
I love it when someone acknowledges that, and completely agree with you.
One can draw so much hostility from others just for suggesting the words 'population control' these days.
I believe everyone has had some sort of feeling for the same sex, although women are more likely to admit to it. But that is usually on a sexual level rather than emotional.
i definitely think gay people are born that way. For example, my OH has 3 lesbian aunties on his fathers side, I also have a gay friend whose sister is a lesbian, I also know gay twins. Coincidence???
I dont think most people choose to be gay. I think some research show hormonal influence during the pregnancy can determine sexuality? In other words, the person will have no control over it. Although some people do try to hide it, because they are afraid of reaction. I know lot of people are still not comfortable with someone being attracted to the same sex and call it unnatural. One of my close friends dad was like that, until his daughter told him she is interested in women. The interesting point is that her mother said she knew it long before she actually told them. Apparently she was since the puberty more interested in other girls than boys. So nope. I dont think people choose to be gay. And I dont think there is anything wrong with being gay. The only problem could be if you would want kids and you would want your own kids, not adopted.
I do think some people do choose to be gay to be fancier or maybe because of disappointment with oposing sex, but I seriously think this is just absolute minority.
Hey all,I understand this subject fairly well,i'm 36 now with 2 teenage sons,I never realised i was bisexual until I was about 25,its strange because when i think back I remember always being quite an angry young man,but for the last 10 or so years i've been trying new things and letting my feelings take over rather than putting them to the back of my mind,and,i've never been happier,I still have a female partner who supports me and luckily for me,joins in.
I will have to be really honest. Does it bother me people being gay............no. Would I feel comfortable going out for a drink with say a workmate who was gay ( IE just the 2 of us), YES. Do I feel comfortable with a gay person going into graphic sexual description............YES.
REASON......................... at a very young age 3 guys' via the workplace tried to lure me into a hotel room, we all worked there, when I realised what was happening, and rather took umbridge, they could not see what they had done wrong, and I was being childish, I was 17. One threatened to call the police becaue I made a mess of his face. Not to surprising he never did. The next day at work, it got round what had happened, It was a mainly gay workforce, I was basically made to feel that I was in the wrong and over reacted. I asked them all, had I ever given reason to believe I was gay, the reply well you like Frankie Goes To Hollywood (show my age) and wear a lot of bright clothes...........urrrgh?
I left the job not long after and had a real downer on Gay people. In my time I have met more Gay people who are different, and have become more tolerant, albeit a little wary. But it has made me aware (IMO), that opinions' are often formed from home, our friends' and environment or chance encounters', this can be a hard thing to shake off. I have the utmost respect for those that feel comfortable with everyone. I hope with the above, I have not offended anyone, It was not meant that way, just wanted to show one way we can rightly/wrongly form opinions'. But whatever my feelings' then and now, I never treated anybody different.
Why is there a need to label people?
Indeed, labelling people in these ways is impossible when sexuality is so subjective and everyone has their own definitions of what straight, bi and gay mean.
I have a female friend I've known since childhood who finds the thought of anything sexual with another woman repulsive. She won't even entertain it. To her, that's what being straight is all about.
But likewise I also know a woman who loves the odd girl-on-girl romp, yet remains just as insistent that she's straight as my other friend. She reckons it doesn't make her bisexual because it's only a bit of fun.
More than once I've had straight men say they want to suck other guys off, and I know a lesbian who likes men to eat her out.
On another forum I used a few years ago, one of the threads was populated by asexuals talking about which celebrities they most wanted to shag. They said they were still asexual even if they wanted sex, as long as they didn't actually do it - but other asexuals said no no, asexuality means you aren't even attracted to anyone and what those other people are talking about is actually celibacy.
It all comes down to what heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual and asexual actually mean.
If you're attracted to both sexes but resist the temptation to go with the same sex, are you straight? Bisexual? Bicurious?
Some people say kissing isn't sexual and argue that a straight person can still enjoy kissing someone of the same sex.
At the end of the day, all that's important is to know what you enjoy and don't enjoy - and if you're not sure, try it and find out! What's the worst that can happen :)
We are all human beings, everyone is different, everyone has a different view of the world...but as long as we all get along and accept one another for who and what we are, we will do fine.
This is a topic very close to my heart. Personally, if I had to "wear a badge" it would say pansexual, with possible poly streaks in, and those two are hard enough trying to find my place in.
However one of my best friends in an panromantic asexual. Try explaining that to people. The amount of times I've heard people say to her "wait till you find the right guy, then you'll change" I really don't know how she lives with it! It makes me angry enough, and they're not even saying it to me! (For those than don't know what I'm on about, she has interest in romantic relationships with the spectrum of genders, but feels no desire/need/interest in a sexual relationship with anyone.)
The video mentioned at the beginning of this thread, I have seen it a few times before and have always been sure to spread on social media sites, it's one of the best responses I've found. "So when did you chose to be straight?"
Naughty Miss K wrote:
The amount of times I've heard people say to her "wait till you find the right guy, then you'll change"
Oh do I know that one!
Either that or it's: "That's because you haven't been with me yet."
To me its like who you like im just more attracted to males than females I know someday or whenever some will call me names ect but who cares im happy being myself my friends know but they dont care really my dad is homophobic but he doesn't know
I've always despised labels, my whole life has been full of people labeling me - nerd, geek, gay, straight, bi, wierdo, emo, goth, punk, crazy, bipolar, the list goes on and on.
I knew from a very early age(7/8) that I was attracted to males and females but always repressed it in an attempt to "fit in" my first sexual encounter was with another male, but now I am happily married and completely and totaly in love with my wife. After 5 years of marriage I finally worked up the nerve to tell someone that I was bisexual, my wife didn't take it too well at first, but after a long frank conversation she accepted it and realised I hadn't changed - I was still the man she married, just much more comfortable in life as I wasn't keeping secrets from her.
The term bisexual is far too ambigous and yet still too restrictive to sum up my sexuality, I have never really looked at a person and thought "That is a (male/female) I would like to sleep with!" It's more like "That is one sexy person, I'll try my luck!" gender plays no role in my choices, it is just the physical, emotional, or mental attraction I feel that chooses my partners.
My one regret in my sex life is that I repressed my feelings for so long, and robbed myself of so much enjoyment over the years. That and the fact that I have never managed to find a chick with a dick, or a guy with a fanny. Always fantasised about such encounters but it just never happened. (sorry if this offends, I can't think of the correct word and know transexual and hemaphrodite are the wrong words, no offense is intended!)
I feel much the same as many people on here, and think more and more people fit into the non-label category these days.
I can remember from being quite young having crushes on both males and females and that has never changed. My first kiss was with a boy. My first sexual experience was with a girl, who I fell head over heels in love with but ultimately she broke my heart :( I then had another female partner for 2 years. In all this time everyone I met assumed I was a lesbian, and I do mean assumed as no one ever asked, but seemed to feel comfortable telling me I was!
Used to infuriate the hell out of me, as I knew that I still found men attractive too. when my relationship with that lady ended, I had a brief daliance with one guy and suddenly everyone was going 'OMG i never knew you were bi!' Like it was the biggest news ever.
I am now happily married to a wonderful man, and have been with him for 10 years. In that time i have been with no women, but have found plenty attractive. But again I feel liked I've been forcefully boxed into the straight catergory.
In all honesty I really dislike the 'bisexual' label. But I can't give you a word I am happy with to explain what I am. I obviously have no plans to not be with my husband, but if for some reason we were no longer together, I couldn't say for sure whether I'd end up with another guy or a woman. This really surprises people i tell and i don't get why it is so hard to understand.
I was searching for a different thread and came across this one as it sounded interesting.
I do know people and some who are friends of mine who feel they have made a choice about their sexuality. I know someone who spent years of their life straight and then went into a gay relationship and is very happy but he doesn't see his previous straight relationships as fake or in denial he openly talks about when he used to be straight.
Also I know a gay woman whom after a number of relationships with women, some good some bad; has now been on a date with a man who she has got close to and decided to give a straight relationship a go.
So who knows...maybe you can choose. but life is all about choices and the freedom to choode isn't it??
Tiswas, I don't know anything about your story, other than what you wrote, so excuse me if I am reading it wrong but...you beat someone up because he tried to "lure" you to a hotel room? Now, if these three guys actually had you by the arm and were forcing or even strongly coercing you into this, I can understand but...
These guys assumed you were gay right? so they flirted with you and hit on you.(I am assuming) Just like if a woman in a bar came over to you and started flirting and said "hey so..wanna come back to mine?"
I am surprised that you beat them for that. (Unless there is more to this story) I think a simple "Guys I am not gay and not interested" would suffice! If there is more to this then I do apologise sincerely, but you gave no indication of force on their part. I am assuming "luring" = flirting and suggesting. (like between a man and woman at a bar.)
Tromain: From what I understand, transsexuals/transgender people get approached by men often, who want to sleep with them because of the novelty factor. Like any other human beings, I personally believe that many would take offence and feel upset about being objectified. (Being used to fulfil someone else's fantasy just because that person finds them "novel") It might be that they don't want to have a casual encounter with a stranger who doesn't really fantasise about them as a person...but as a "chick with a dick". They would probably guess they are not important to you...or suspected that you would have jumped at the chance with any trans person. Anyway that is just the opinion I picked up whilst blog hopping.
GG: I personally believe in equal rights across the board. I do not agree that minorities take a "persecuted stance" I believe minorities are often in situations where they are treated differently and hell yeah they have a right to shout about it from the rooftops and demand equal respect, equal treatment. I don't understand the law but I was under the impression that businesses are not allowed to discriminate in such ways. As for adoption, I am pretty sure gay couples are turned down just as much as hetero couples. (Maybe even more so if their case worker is not accepting of them) Couples who get turned down for adoption are turned down because they didn't qualify for some reason - not all hetero couples are "perfect parenting teams" I don't understand what would make a hetero couple priority over a gay couple simply because it is one of each sex. Your sex does not indicate your ability to parent. Every mum is different, every dad is different.
Oh and I believe the reason it is not considered a "normal" environment to raise a child (in a gay relationship) is because people go round saying so. I for one will be glad when people start accepting that it is normal for two humans to offer human emotions and human connection and human love to a baby human. Those children will not be bullied if people started teaching children that it is normal to be gay, just as it is normal to be straight. Those parents will not be persecuted if people stopped judging based on who they go to bed with and who they happen to love, because that, as far as I can see, is the only "difference" but even that is "the same" Its one human loving another, just like us straight folks do.
As for the original OP..There are too many labels. When labels are ditched, the world makes much more sense! As soon as we emerge from the womb we are given a label. "Boy" or "girl" and yet we now see gender is fluid too and those labels are too rigid. Even these two labels create tension and upset, even death. All labels do, because humans we just don't fit neatly into boxes, so we all worry about that and what it means. Shame really. It would be great if we could stick to Two labels: "Human" and "me".
Thankfully we are all different because i would hate to live in a world full of clones.
Educating people to accept that fact is the only way forward. Once awake, it's hard to go back to sheep. (please excuse the pun).
Avrielle, I have also seen the same stigma regarding bisexuality. (Sorry to hear you came across such hurtful comments in the past btw)
Other comments I have heard re bisexuality: "You are just greedy" and "You are only doing it to tease/attract men"
The "wehey lets have a threesome" one is particularly meh, because its taking one thing and assuming another. You can still be attracted to both men and women, but want to be monogamous with your partner at the time. Its like...attraction (to male or female or anything in between) is not the same as your relationship beliefs, whether you are mono, poly, swingers etc.
As blunt as ignorant as this may sound....
If you are gay, you are gay
If you are straight, then you are straight
if you like both males and females, then you like (or you're greedy but thats more of a joke from me :3)
Why should it matter to anyone what your sexuality is? It's up to the person as to how thye want to live, and if society doesn't like it, well it would show that society needs to stop being ignorant and be more open and stuff. You could most likely learn a tip of 5 from different people, regardless of their sexual orientation.
+1 Najila!
You can't 'choose' to be gay. With the exception of spending a fortune on hypnotherapy to actually change your basic desires (which still may not work), you can't alter who you're attracted to.
It's amazing how many people I hear try to paint their sexuality as something it's not. Bisexual women in particular - "I do like having sex with other women but I'm still straight". Poppycock!
I'm bisexual and I ain't afraid to say it. Best way is to accept what you are and to hell with what anyone else thinks. Trying to change it or disguise it is just a sign of weakness.
I had the misfortune recently to have my hair cut by a religious fanatic. No sooner was I sat in his chair that he launched into this homophobic tirade against "fags getting married" and how it signalled the end of the world. When I pointed out that Jesus was a 33 year old man who was (apparently) unmarried and hung out with 12 dudes all day, I thought he would stab me with his scissors.
I really hate the fact that a lot of the homophobic bile that people like my brother and his boyfriend are subjected to is done in the name of god. It's all bullshit. Live and let live.
Interesting thread.
I certainly didn't choose to be a lesbian. It's just the natural, inherent way I'm wired up, and have always been. As someone else said, I can't pinpoint exactly the moment I realised - the awareness was a gradual and quite difficult process, but certainly, from my first sexual stirrings I was always sexually and romantically attracted to girls, and never boys.
From my experience, some gay - or perhaps a better phrase in this context - non-straight - people have stories just like mine, but others have very different ones. I genuinely think that for many, sexuality is fluid and can drift in different directions.
But that's still not a choice. If you have previously fancied x, and suddenly you fancy y (quite likely, because of a particular individual) that's not something you're coolly making a choice about - it's what your heart and your hormones and dictating.
On another point, I do think that some gay people are a little ungrateful about the way society's progressed and are tediously always looking for a fight. As a gay woman in my thirties I can say with confidence that never before has homosexuality been treated so equally and compassionately. There has never been a better time, or probably a better country, in which to be gay, than now and Britain, and although not everything's perfect I think we should recognise and celebrate what has been achieved in the last few decades.