My dad and I don't get on well at all; he is very critical of me and the things I do. I don't want to go into the reasons why I don't speak to my dad because its a personal matter but if you were in my shoes you would do the same thing.
My brother said that my dad has changed and he is not abusive any more, and he wishes to spend xmas with us but I really don't want to go and spend xmas with him. Plus I don't want to leave my mum alone on xmas day
What shall I do should I see if my dad has changed or should I watch eastenders and eat turkey with my mum
If there's one day a year you should be able to do what you want, it's christmas. Spend if where you WANT to spend it, not where you feel obligated to, or where you feel pressure to.
Pick a non-festive day to assess the relationship. Something neutral, like meet up for sunday lunch somewhere. Spend an hour or two, not a day like Christmas day - it's easy to walk away from if you're unhappy.
Do what you feel happiest with, you want to enjoy your day, so personally see your mum, and see your dad after xmas, That way you will be able to control how and when you meet up, and if it doesn't go well, you can walk away from it.
Sorry, but I have to agree. Go to your mums, if thats what you would prefer.
You don't mention if you get along with your brother well or not, but I'm sure he will understand if you don't feel comfortable doing that on christmas day.
If you want to see what he is like now, then take it slowly. Maybe with a phone call or a letter before actually meeting him again?
I have a reasonable clue of what could be going through your head, but trust me, this is not the only chance you will get to see your father again and see if he has changed. Don't jump in to it for the fear of being rejected again. And if he does reject you for not seeing him for the first time in so long on christmas, then you will have your answer if he is worth it or not, I think.
Instead, I would firstly decide if you want to give him the oppertunity or not, and then take it slowly to 'discover' him again, keeping things mutual, don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. Meet for a coffee somewhere first rather than going to his place or yours?
People make mistakes, some people make big mistakes but they can learn from them and better themselves as a person. Some people don't though, but don't be too quick to think it is impossible.
keep safe, and you are welcome to email me (address in my profile) if you want to chat about it. xx
I do get on with my brother really well, the reason why he wants me to see my dad is that my friend's dad passed away a few months ago and my bro dosen't want me to have any regrets if anything happens to my dad.
Good idea Mr Tall, don't go at christmas it's a day that should be relaxed and enjoyable. The boxing day thing sounds a good idea or even one weekend in the new year.
People can change but take it easy one step at a time, and christmas is filled with high expectations so not a good time to test the waters.
Hope you have a good christmas, and hope things work out with your dad in the new year. Go with your gut hun.
Myabe you should give him a call or something beforehand? have a talk before you properly make up your mind. Its completely your choice and if you cincerely don't want to go then don't. I hope you have a happy christmas whatever you decide :) x
I'm conflicted a part of me thinks I should see my dad and be a good daughter and pay my dues, but another part of me really does not want to go, plus my brother is a lot less jaded then I am.
It sounds that you would much rather not go, don't ruin your own christmas by making yourself unhappy. Explain to your dad that you're not ready. And maybe meet up in the new year?
It sounds that you would much rather not go, don't ruin your own christmas by making yourself unhappy. Explain to your dad that you're not ready. And maybe meet up in the new year?
To be honnest I don't think my dad cares if I don't show up
Well, why should you turn up if he doesn't care =/ Maybe you want to make your brother happy by going. But only thing i can say is think of yourself, and your happiness. If you go to your dads and your'e unhappy people will pick up on that and the atmosphere won't be pleasent.
It's not nice to be in such a situation, i'm not close with my dad but nothing like you and your dad. I hope you can make a decision and are happy with that decision. Sorry for not being much help.
I can only agree with what others have said. Christmas day really isn't a good day for testing relationships. I think if your dad is genuine about wanting to mend things between you he has to put your needs first, realise that it may take some time and that you may have other priorities. I can understand wanting to make your brother happy but if you agree to meet up some other time i think he would understand. Hope you have a good Christmas whatever you decide to do x
I hope you all had a nice christmas, I ended up not going to my dad's I stayed at home with my mother getting xmas dinner ready. My brother went over though he said my dad was ignoring him the entire time and making him feel really unconfortable