Consent rant - looking for advice

Seriously, if it were me I’d give him the elbow! Obviously it’s entirely your choice but it seems as though this guy has very little respect for you or your decisions.
He sounds a bit immature and dare I say it, selfish. He needs to learn that you don’t always get what you want in life when you want it.
You need a man who will show you some respect and calling you frigid is certainly not that!

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He’s there for one thing only, your body. Clearly not interested in you as a person- if he was he would respect your decisions and wishes!
I’m guessing you want more than just a physical relationship so get rid of him early

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Seconding what everyone else is saying. Run to the hills. :heart:

Hubby was early 20s when we got together, he still took no as no because he was a nice guy! As many others said, I had this once, and it turned very nasty.

Also, sex which you have been coerced into is not consentual. Being emotionally forced or frightened into having sex is legally rape.

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Hopefully to never be seen again.

That alone is pretty shocking!!!

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I think, show him the door, asking him to close the door and not return until he respects you. Move on to someone that does respect you. @sharbur

Calling you ‘frigid’ because he couldn’t get what he wants is horrific. Name calling of any kind should be a no-no in a relationship. He’s throwing a tantrum/trying to manipulate you by making you feel bad to get his desired outcome. That’s not a healthy relationship. Red flags everywhere!

You can either tell him explicitly that his behaviour is categorically unacceptable and you will not be guilt-tripped into sex at any time ever again and give him ONE chance to grow up or, alternatively, get rid of asap. I would favour the latter option. He’ll either take a good look at himself and his conduct and change his behaviour or he’ll stick to his creepy ways and just carry on with subsequent girlfriends, either way, it sounds like you’d be well shot of him.

It’s not your job to teach him how to treat women, he’s a grown man and should know better. My first serious boyfriend had a better grasp on consent at 16 so his age is nothing to do with it. He sounds entitled, immature and, potentially dangerous. Life is too short to be with someone who makes you feel like this.

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Stay strong @sharbur, you’re in a horrible position. Sending huge hugs and know we’re all on your side to support you xxx

Innit tho. I was born in 1958, and “frigid” was a term I heard used often in the 1960s during the era of so-called “sexual liberation”, to diss any woman who wasn’t willing to immediately drop her drawers at the behest of a man. The idea that a modern-day 20-something is still using this archaic insult is worrying to say the least!

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Aged 19, one of the most empowering things you will ever do is leave him. And it might actually be good for him too. Looking back at my life, there are times I should have more quickly left people that treated me badly, and times that people should have left me (before they eventually did) and I understand why on both counts. I think I ended up a better person, but regret not being more proactive, or a better partner. Mutual respect is great, and it comes so much easier when you have respect for yourself.

Read back through this list of replies and find one that tells you to make a go of it… If you don’t find any, then you know what you need to do.

So, you know what you need to do and your older self will look back and thank you because you gave yourself the opportunity to meet more fish, and then eventually someone who respects, loves and supports you as half of a team.

One more thing: start contributing to your pension now!! I am staring down the barrel of retirement and wish I had squirrelled more!

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The bravest and best thing you can do for you is tell him to sling his hook! Easier said than done I know however don’t fall into the same trap I did and end up wasting nearly a decade with an a**hole. I’m lucky I now have someone who completely respects me but having previously been in a relationship like what your describing I can now look back and see it wasn’t good and I should have left a long time before he cheated (he did me a massive favour). No means no! No matter how huffy they get, how much they complain of blue balls or that you started it (your allowed to change your mind)!

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Some of my earlier male partners were abusive, and even though I knew it, it took me a while to get away. I suggest you get out as soon as possible, as time only makes it harder. (And he won’t change, so don’t even think he will - he’ll just move on to the next victim).
A hard lesson I learned is that you can’t find the right partner if you are still with the wrong one. I missed out on years with my now (wonderful) husband, whilst I was wasting space on an arsehole.

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Sorry he’s treating you this way. His behaviour is out of order and shouldn’t be using you just for pleasure. Always listen to your gut feeling.

I would have a serious talk with him and if doesn’t listen or isn’t willing to take your concerns into consideration, then think about ending it.

My ex was like this and I hated it and made me awful. He would do it in public too, including in front of friends, touch between my legs, grab my boobs, force me to kiss him and he wondered why I constantly pushed him away because it simply wasn’t appropriate behaviour, time and place for everything.

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Well first off the dude sounds like a player, and a PUNK… This is the tell tale sign that he has no intention of keeping or wanting to get to know you. He just was hoping to get in your pants and brag to his buddies. Talking to him about these high school actions,may work.(just see how he listens and acts, eye contact usually will rat out his intentions.) And take it from there. Dont put all your eggs in 1 basket hun… And if you intend to see this guy again…PLAY HARD TO GET…and start to stand by your “NO” with sterness and if he sticks around, he will know not what to do, good luck and keep us informed.

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Wowzers sounds like your dating a Randy dog :dog:
I can definitely see the pressure side to how he’s making you feel and wonder if you’ve tried looking at the relationship holistically cause if he’s only about the sex and your not being fulfilled in the ways you want to be then maybe this relationship isn’t the right sort for you…

I’d suggest having a frank talk with him and say what you want from a relationship.

Never let someone think they can ignore you when you say NO! People who control need that for their appetite for destruction of who they are with before moving on. Love yourself first. Go by your gut feeling

You’re spot on, the guy is after only one thing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be mauled every now and then, but not constantly and getting a hissy fit sent your way if you say no. If he was truly interested in you for you, he would respect your boundaries, especially physically.

But then, I’m kinda old-fashioned that way!