Hi,
My gf doesnt wanna go on the pill or use an IUD. I dont wanna use a condom, I really wanna experience sex skin to skin to the point of this dream being mentally really stressful for me. I was considering vasectomy as a 23 yrs old (yeah its reversable but costly)… What am I gonna do? 
How long have you and your girlfriend been together? Can you see yourself settling down with her? How do you both feel about kids? What does she say when you tell you want to have sex without a condom?
Honestly, you are 23 and have plenty of time to try sex without a barrier method so is your relationship worth more to you than your obsession?
You wearing a condom is a lot less invasive than you partner taking a tablet or having a foreign object placed inside their body. You should research the side effects, bc if you did, you wouldn’t want your partner to have to experience any of it.
And you would actually consider a vasectomy rather than wear a condom, what way are you getting on? Thats ridiculous.
I really think you should just not have sex, on the off chance that you get her pregnant.
I must agree with @JoCat and @Calie the vasectomy at your age /life experience is a non starter. If no condoms or pill etc I think you should abstain from PIV. May be it has to be oral or anal
@Universe1
I appreciate condoms are mood killers - but it’s a great way of having sex with no risk of pregnancy
As others say you are too young for the snip
Find your ideal condom - there are some good ones out there. - just don’t force her into the coil or pill as they both have nasty side affects
Why not ask her to put the condom on for you - it’s so sexy and then you can just go for it
I don’t understand why young fertile women who don’t want to have kids just yet are opposed to taking control of their own fertility. That she trusts somebody else’s condom use is foolish, in my opinion. Especially when IUDs are so simple and the copper non-hormone ones have been used for years with pretty good success.
Condoms suck. I certainly wouldn’t want one used on me. And getting a vasectomy at 23 isn’t a great idea, since you’ll probably feel differently in a couple of years.
As others have suggested, its time for a serious talk with your girlfriend. Find out if the relationship is leading toward marriage and family. If so, 23 isn’t too young to start. If the relationship isn’t going somewhere substantial, you might consider looking for a more sexually compatible partner.
If you can wait, I don’t believe that the male contraceptive pill is far away from being prescribed in the UK.
Else you could use the withdrawal method, though it is not without the obvious risks.
I was on the pill and had the mirena coil, I had a terrible time on both of them. I had to wait 6 months to be allowed to get the coil out and every day I had it was horrendous. Women end up pregnant on all types of contraception and she has decided for her own reasons that she doesn’t want it.
Nope, nope, nope. I am on my 3rd coil and had 3 different medical professionals insert them. 2 of them didn’t use any anaesthetic (the first I didn’t know to ask and the other was such a cow I felt she would ignore me if I asked). Even the one who clearly had a lot of experience and was amazing couldn’t make it a painless procedure. Plus the bleeding and cramping for days after. Was it worth it? For me, yes. Does that mean they are for everyone? No. There is also a small chance of complications, such as infections.
I get what you are saying about taking control of your own sexual health, but please don’t belittle people’s choices and concerns. Condoms are one of the most effective contraceptives when use correctly. Buying and having your own condoms is taking control of your sexual health.
Stick a condom on its not hard amd use it part of the foreplay , tablets and coils are quite invasive and messes with the ladies hormones…
It is not always reversible!! I would strongly suggest that you don’t do that just to have skin to skin contact.
It’s less reliable than a condom, but a cervical cap or diaphragm might be an option. A female condom might also work.
I think recommending items that are less effective than condoms is irresponsible.
Only mentioned withdrawal as we used it for many years successfully, at the end of day each individual has to take responsibility for their choice of contraception remembering that no method of contraception apart from abstinence is 100% effective.
Yeah, the Mirena coils have issues, like all hormonal birth control. I can understand not wanting to go that route. The old-fashioned copper ones don’t have the same issues as the ones with hormones, and they last for 12 years an not just 5. Take them out any time. In the past, I’ve seen Planned Parenthood giving them away to lower-income folks - 100% free installation and removal.
I disagree with the idea that a girl buying condoms is 100% taking control of her sexual health. She’s still relying on the cooperation of her partner. Of course, that’s not the point at issue here in this thread. After all, the OP is actually so cooperative he’s considering a potentially irreversible surgery!
I believe that the attitude of “just put on a condom, its so simple” has some real drawbacks. The first of which is blaming the male partner automatically for anything that goes wrong, or for his desire not to use one. Even used properly and willingly, they can definitely be a cause of male sexual dysfunction, and their reliability is questionable in spite of statistics. And those statistics all assume regular, proper use, condoms being in good condition, stored properly, and before their expiration date…
The ugly truth is that there’s no such thing as “safe sex.” The media has lied about that. Either you’re sexually compatible or you aren’t. Either you’re in a secure relationship or you aren’t. Sex outside of a compatible, secure relationship is always a greater risk than sex within those boundaries. So I definitely encourage @Universe1 to have those necessary conversations at this point. I suspect that contraception is only the surface issue and something deeper needs to be worked with.
I think I’ll take a step back on this, this all feels very manipulative and whether thats the intention or my projection, I’m unsure. So I’ll leave it here.
That’s fair enough in my opinion, it’s her body and her choice. The side effects of the pill /IUD can be really unpleasant for some people. If she’s researched her options and has made an informed decision then you’ll have to respect her wishes.
What condoms have you been using? Not all condoms feel the same so it might be worth changing brands. I find Skyns (not to be confused with Skins) Elite to be the best.
Saying that, I also understand your dislike of condoms since I hate them too but they are, in some cases, the only option and better than no sex at all. Has your girlfriend looked into natural fertility methods? If done correctly, it can be very effective. I don’t mean mobile apps or withdrawal, those are very risky and I wouldn’t trust it. Have a look at fertility uk website. I used it for a while and training to learn the method is available on the nhs is some areas. It’s not a miracle, she would have to be really committed because she has to measure her body temperature every morning at the same time so no sleeping in. If your results fit the correct pattern, you should be able to identify about a week when she is not fertile and it’s safe to have sex. The rest of the time you’d need to use a condom. It takes about 3-6 months to start to see a reliable pattern (if one exists - it doesn’t work for everyone) so you have to be patient. I thought I’d mention it in case she hasn’t considered it but it’s not for everyone and she might not feel comfortable having unprotected sex at all.
At the end of the day, it’s her body and her choice and you’ll need to accept her decision.
As a penis-owner I can appreciate the angle of sex not feeling quite the same while wearing a condom.
Tough.
Yeah I said it.
The reality is, whether you like it or not, it’s the owner of the vagina who gets to make the decision. At 23, you’ve got life and experience ahead of you. Plenty of time for more experiences, and not time to start thinking about the snip.
My wife now has an IUD, and thankfully it’s ok. We don’t use condoms now, but always used to.
You’re getting stressed because you don’t want to wear a condom?!
What about the stress of your girlfriend if you insist she uses chemicals or an IUD so that you can have your fun?
I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship.