When im with my OH,i dont orgasm, i cum but dont realise and im wet ? i dont know if its because im still nervous and too afraid too let go, its not him though,he turns me on alot and im too afraid to say what i dont like and what i do because i dont want to offend him?
You have to let him know what you want and like same as for him to you. if you 2 dont work together it probaly wont work for you. talk it out and let yourself go both and enjoy the sex together
JayBee_x wrote:
When im with my OH,i dont orgasm, i cum but dont realise and im wet ? i dont know if its because im still nervous and too afraid too let go, its not him though,he turns me on alot and im too afraid to say what i dont like and what i do because i dont want to offend him?
Hi JB, communication. It is for some people the toughest thing to do with your OH, but the absolute most important. It is so rewarding and essential to a good relationship in and out of the bedroom. All so once you have gotten over this hurdle every thing becomes so much easier. Good luck and keep posting
I have been with my OH for 10 years, and it is only in the last few months that I have started to have orgasms. I always thought I was relaxed and really into it, but I have recently realised that I was holding back a lot. Suddenly after getting a kindle for christmas and indulging in a lot of erotic reading, I found a new confidence to say what I wanted, when I wanted and how I wanted it and it has been amazing.
Hubby is not in the least bit offended when I say what I want, i think he is just so turned on that I am asking for pleasure from him, that the point of whether or not he was doing it right/wrong before doesn't even come up.
You don't have to start with everything you do and don't like all at once, just start with one thing and take it from there. If you don't feel you have the confidence to say it out loud, maybe a sexy text would be a good start
Good luck x
Yes relaxing is the key to it and your other half will prob thank you for telling them as they will want to please you and any tips always help on what helps you get off
i hope it is because im not letting go because im still nervous,not got alot of confidence in that department yet,i dont even know how to bring it up :/
JayBee_x wrote:
i hope it is because im not letting go because im still nervous,not got alot of confidence in that department yet,i dont even know how to bring it up :/
Hi JB, well done for posting this thread. Don't worry this is very common problem. Confidence especially sexual confidence is very difficult. But in Joining the LH forum you have made a massive start. Keep posting and don't be shy in asking for help or anything you want to know.
Now to try and help. There are very few men that are not thrilled that their OH's want to talk about their sex lives. Don't forget even if your OH comes across as confident and you think he knows what he is doing, it's seldom that true. Even if it doesn't go well first time don't give up chances are he will be embarrassed too. This is usually shown when a man trays to just brush it of, male pride is a very strange thing. Especially male sexual pride. We are supposed to be big strong and now what we are doing. Admitting we don't is very tough, but really worth it learning and exploring together is what makes a relationship grow and draws you together. In this modern era of mobile's,emails and Facebook we have so many forms of media but it doesn't make us any better at communication.
Try good old fashioned writting , who doesn't love a love letter put down that you are not very confident but you now you want to communicate. My wife and I have been married for 25 yrs and even today there is still a little embarrassment talking about sex, we have come to find it a little of a turn on pushing that boundary. You are in the car driving somewhere and there is something sexual you really want to do or ask for. It's just like any other difficult thing you have to do in live. Your concerned, you feel anxious, so your heart beats faster, the adrenaline is flowing. These symptoms are all the same as sexual arousal if you can channel them to make you communicate it will in the end become as sexy thing to do and if you are lucky a turn on. This is what we do, we are seldom on our own children ect, so we go shopping to a superstore that is further away to have drive time and sex talk time. We both envoy going shopping now
. However it is a hurdle you have to get over some how, because once you have this whole issue will change so dramatically. What you are feeling is totally normal. Do I look sexy ? I am I doing this right? What is he thinking? Is he enjoying this? With all this spinning around your head whilst making love you want relax and enjoy it. Good luck
JayBee_x wrote:
i hope it is because im not letting go because im still nervous,not got alot of confidence in that department yet,i dont even know how to bring it up :/
I would imagine that is most probably the reason, which is good news, because it is something you can overcome.
When I first decided that enough was enough I started really small, I decied on a few things that I definitely wanted and just took it one at a time.
Firstly I found an outfit I really wanted to wear, my hubby had alays said he wasn't into crotchless, but the idea of it really turned me on, so i just got one. I figured if I felt as good in it as I thought I would he would learn to love it, I was right, best lingerie buy ever :)
The next things I wanted more of were really simple and quite basic, so didn't seem a massive deal to mention them, I wanted more kissing before any sexual touching and also during, and more playing with his fingers. I just waited until we were in the moment, and said it as simply as 'more kissing, your kissing is so good', then when the time felt right and his ear was within easy reach I just whispered really quietly 'use your fingers more'. I felt more silly having to say things in such a simple, non sexy manner, than I did actually saying it.
It worked though, all he heard was me telling him he was a great kisser and that I was desperate for his fingers to touch me, don't think he cared one bit how I said it.
Since then I have got braver, and more confident. That's when I started adding in the kinkier stuff, all which has gone down well.
If you really can't find the words just yet, maybe try moving his hands to where you want them during sex and then saying how good it feels. I think it's okay to go back to basic when you feel nervous, anything that gets the ball rolling is good in my book.
On lots of other posts, people have recommended some of the boards games you can get, we haven't tried any yet, but I quite fancy giving one a go, as I still think we have a lot to explore and that seems a fun way of doing it. With less pressure of having to find a way to say it/bring it up etc. x
You could try getting him to give you a good massage first to relax you. If he needs encouragement, you could tell him that you will probably both enjoy sex more afterwards. My OH loves a good massage.
a few times he has finished himself off over me and i did myself and i did have that amazing feeling but i guess youre comfortable with yourself? too afaird too squirt if i can do it because a few times ive felt the wee feeling or like when you need a wee and someone presses your stomach,like you need to let your wee out,sounds horrible but im crap at explaining,this is my first sexual partner.
thankyou for ALL your replies,defo helpful :)
There is a squirting thread somewhere on here which could of help to you.
yeah ive just seen thankyou :) too afraid too
Nothing to be afraid of, all in good time lass. Enjoy each others company, thats the most important thing i recon.
defo i agree thankyou
No prob, thats what this site is for after all 
JayBee_x wrote:
a few times he has finished himself off over me and i did myself and i did have that amazing feeling but i guess youre comfortable with yourself? too afaird too squirt if i can do it because a few times ive felt the wee feeling or like when you need a wee and someone presses your stomach,like you need to let your wee out,sounds horrible but im crap at explaining,this is my first sexual partner.
Hi JB, Having reread your post I would like to just clear something up in order to hopefully help. Is what your saying that you orgasm but don't squirt?. Do you or have you squirted when you masterbate. It's just that squirting isn't an orgasm it can happen when you orgasm but it can all so happen with out. But if you are one of those lucky few who hE both at the same time then you should let go with your OH. Most men find it an amazing turn on all most a sexual compliment. However if what you are actually saying is you havnt squirted at all, then that is a little different. You will have to ask the ladies on here,I think you are orgasming but not squirting. Don't get hung up over it to Mich and just enjoy it. Great avatar by the way very sexy.