Dating sites

Off-Topic Chat
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I've been feeling really down and lonely recently. I'm at uni but I don't live anywhere near the campus because I have to live near my work placement area which is an hour away from the university. Therefore, any clubs or societies where I could meet new people and make friends aren't available to me.

I live in a flat with another girl but she spends a lot of time with her boyfriend and I'm alone a lot of the time. The other night I was incredibly bored and I decided to join a dating site just for the hell of it. I don't know what I was expecting but the response has actually been really good! I know that you can't judge someone's personality over the internet very well but there seem to be some genuinely nice and good looking guys contacting me!

I'm enjoying the attention and some harmless flirting online but it's gettting to the stage now where I've been asked on a couple of dates as you would expect on a dating site! I'm really not sure how I feel about it. I've been single for 6 months but the relationship I ended was a very long one. I've never really been on a first date and I don't know how I feel about it, especially when it's with a complete stranger.

I'm not sure what to do, I haven't told anyone about the dating site. I know my housemate would pretty much laugh in my face and I'd rather people didn't know to be honest, though I obviously wouldn't want to go on a date without telling anyone where I was going for safety reasons.

Anyone have any advice? Any success or horror stories about dating sites would be good to hear x

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There's a couple of threads here that may have some useful stories whilst waiting for some replies.

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/299004-internet-dating/

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/erotic-fiction/424653-dating-websites-that-actually-work/

Personally speaking I've had a fair few dates from online chat/dating sites etc, and some have been good, some have been terrible, in fact, my friends tell me I should write a book about some of my experiences they're that entertaining.

I guess in terms of advice, it's the usual, pick a place where you feel comfortable and where you can leave from quite easily should it be a disaster and I'm not saying out of the toilet window ;) Don't agree to a meal, it's far too much pressure and if there is no chemistry there, too lengthy, a coffee or a drink in a pub is enough for the first time. It's only a meeting so you can actually see if you think there is enough of a spark there to meet again.

Be prepared for the person to be completey different to their online persona, cos boy does that happen... and I'm not just talking about the obvious use of fake/out of date pics etc.

Just be yourself, think of the things you already know you have in common with them and chat about those. the purposes of a first date isn't too determine if they would be a suitable person for a long term relationship, it's too see if you even want a second date.

Be prepared for the worst case scenario that they will just disappear in to the night after the date, when they have decided that you're not for them and they don't have the balls to tell you that. Internet dating is like going to Tesco for a bottle of wine, there's hundreds to choose from and if the one you pick doesn't meet your criteria over the smallest thing then you just choose another.... Yes it's fickle but it's true, and this is not just my experience but friends too. If the person does do that, see the positive, you had a lucky escape from a useless guy.

If it goes well then fabulous, don't go all mega keen after it, relax and see what happens, If another date is on the cards then brilliant, if not, jump straight in for the next :)

Hope that helps for now :)

Just go for it, it's just a drink with someone you've been chatting with, who you get on with so far so give it a try, it could be great :)

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I'm unable to speak for Internet dating sites, but I had a lot of dates through dating agencies when I was in my early-twenties. Almost all of them were fine, and even the ones that were a bit of a disaster weren't this way due to any malice or deceit on either of our parts. Although I didn't meet anyone with whom I went on to have a romantic relationship, I met plenty of women who were lovely, friendly and "normal" -- albeit a little damaged in some cases. My main regret is that I didn't stay in touch with some ladies who could have been good friends -- the nature of the dating game is that one tends to regard anyone with whom romance isn't an option as on a "discard" pile.

Obviously, I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't take sensible precautions. The dating agencies used a human agent as a proxy -- both people sent their details to the agent beforehand and gave feedback afterwards -- which tended to discourage misrepresentation and lying. I imagine that there's much more scope for bad behaviour on an Internet site. My main message, though, is that there are probably still a lot of lovely people on these sites who, like me at that time, just weren't meeting potential partners in more conventional ways.

Hope that helps a bit. Good luck if you do decide to go ahead with some meetings!

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agree with MTC a coffee or a drink in a public place is a good idea

or pick something you both shall enjoy.

one of my more interesting "dates" was with someone who had lived in the city I'd just moved to - we went to a free museum that he'd been to as a kid and i wanted to see, so he had something to talk about to me ( "i remember this!" "once me and my dad got to sit in this car" ect) and we wern't always trying to think of stuff to say

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You can use OKCupid to look for friends, I've meet a few people that way whom I wouldn't date but we go to the pub and stuff. I know you say there are no societies but is there not a local university near you? In one of my placements they had a fortnightly 'study hour' where students from across the site all got together and we were suppost to share learning experiences etc and build on our multi disaplinary knowledge. If they don't have anything like this it might be worth suggesting to the trust placement co-ordinator. The other thing I would suggest is if you have a particular interest of hobby that can be social to make an effort to get your self to an event and make friends (maybe someone you know from uni could come up and join you the first time). Myself, whan on placement me and my uni friends would meet up once a month, plus indroduce eash other to anyone we knew who would be in their local area. If your anywhere in the north east I could point you in some usful directions :D

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Hello,

I agree with the advice MTC gave. I actually tried it once, did not work out, but I gained a friend, which is also a good outcome. And once I visited a modern art gallery which I would otherwise not do, but in the end I feel that it was a gain, as it was something new.

Hope you have some fun.

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I met my wonderful fiance on a dating web site. I think as long as your careful then there brilliant x

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Thanks everyone. Generally, people seem to have positive attitudes towards dating sites but for some reason I just have this fear of actually telling anyone I know about it! I can just imagine being laughed at which I know is silly.

I'm going away for a week so I've got some time to think about what I really want to do. I'm not getting my hopes up about anything and I'm by no means desperate for a relationship so if it doesn't work out I won't be gutted.

I just want to meet people in general, if I get a relationship out of it then that's a big bonus but it isn't necessary.

x

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Several people i work with and have worked with in the past used dating sites. I met my husband on one of them just a month after a colleague suggested the site to me. Shes married with two young children and has been with her husband over 7 years. We also got married and have been together 7 years, our first marriage for both of us. I was pretty lucky with the dates I had but then I was careful too. You can text, email and phone for as long as you want to before actually meeting them.

Good luck whatever way you end up finding love!!

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I'm bias and love the OKCUPID dating website. I met my partner on it after talking through okcupid, emails then finally after chatting on Skype for a while. We are very much in love 15 months later and have been for a long time. I feel very lucky as he is a lovely sincere guy (which i think is very important) You can find love but be careful!!!!!!!!!

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I've had success with OKCupid too.

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Try plentyoffish.com as well, completely free and a pretty fun place just to meet some people

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I used Match and POF, after a major break up and moving back to my home town, not knowing anyone local I thought internet dating would be a fun way of getting back into dating and start to make some friends and links within the town.

I met a few through Match to begin with who with hindsight were a better type of pers ( can I say that) as there is a subscription fee. However, on meeting with most it felt cold and clinical, esp with no contact afterward to say something along the lines of I felt no spark, so I tended to do that to them instead, basically the two fingered salute and a your completely rude in electronic format. I did meet and date someone for 6 or so months, but again a rude and cold ending.

Skint I started to use POF, but found many were just insincere about their intentions, so ended up using it just to chat with blokes after work. As I worked odd shifts by then it was nice that there was no commitment to anyone, but I got to know people and chat about things that interested me and them. Anyway thats how I met BF, he was one of the blokes who I was talking to, but the only one I felt any connection to...So much so I didn't want to meet him for fear of spoiling things.

My point is that you need to give it enough time to find mutual ground, but not enough that you feel too connected without even meeting. Not everyone uses dating sites, esp free ones as a way to find mr or mrs right, but for intimate liasons, which if that is what your looking for then good luck to you, but I think being clear from the outset is the key.

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Well I have good news! I told my housemate and she was actually really nice about it, I don't know what I was so worried about. I've had lots of messages from some nice guys and lots of offers for dates!

I was really nervous about going out on dates at first but I think I just needed some time to get used to the concept and stop worrying about being judged for it!

I went out on a date with a really nice guy, we just chatted and had a drink. I'm not sure that there was much of a spark but it really doesn't matter! I'm getting myself out there and not sitting inside by myself which is great!

I have five dates planned over the next few weeks and feel really positive about it all :) thanks for all your wonderful advice everyone!! xxxx

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That's good to hear! Good luck and have fun :)

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Glad to hear that it's going well. Hope you have lots of fun and maybe meet someone special.

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I met my husband over 7 years ago on an online dating agency. Always met guys in a public place. Never had any really bad dates .. maybe i was lucky.

Just enjoy it. I was nervous at first, but after 2nd or 3rd date it got easier.

Plus you get to meet some really interesting people that you probably would never meet in say a pub or bar.

Good luck

x