Doing Rude things

Off-Topic Chat
1

Ok, so I have a boy who is 5yrs old. He has some issues, and doesn't always understand what is socially acceptable and what isn't (More so than the average 5yr old)

Recently he's been pulling his pants down a lot and showing his bum, especially in school. I know in most cases it's a 'what 5yr old doesn't do this?" I've tried taking his toy's away and putting him in time out ect but nothing seems to prevent him from doing it. I've also tried talking to him and explaining that people just don't pull their pants down! This more so isn't what I have an issue with, due to other things with the way he is social services are involved due to him being a danger to himself when he's in the outside word he has no fear, runs off, doesn't understand that cars can hurt/kill him ect, the school have also informed social services about him pulling his pants down which has now resulted in us having to have a meeting with them in regards to his 'sexulised behaviour' which I initally thought what a joke?! He's a 5yr old who on occasions pulls his pants down.

However tonight when he was in bed I heard his silly giggle (As all parents know your child has some tell they're doing something they shouldn't be doing) So as I went in he's playing with one of my neices dolls, a small barbie like doll, all clothes are off it so I told him off and to give me the doll get back in bed and goto sleep. In which he then went to get out of bed to give me the doll but lifted himself up (Bum up) and slid his PJ bottoms and boxers back on.

Is this me just being parranoid due to all the 'sexulised behaviour' comments that have been thrown around recently, or is that just really weird?

2

can I ask are you a single parent, we had similar issues with our daughter when I was working away from home.....took us 10 yrs and a huge amount of money to get things straight

3

Yeah I'm a single parent. I guess, I am in a realtionship but it's LD and not with my son's dad. We split not long after my son was born.

I just don't understand where it's coming from, he never watches anything on TV that shows those kind of things, and he's certainly never witnessed anything like that. I'm at my wits end with it. Especially adding on all the other things Autism, ADHD ect, it's a constant stuggle. All this ontop is driving me potty.

4

I have a 9 year old boy who hasn't done anything like that but went through a phase and still does laugh and words like bottom or shampoo because it has the word poo in it, which is typical boy behaviour. My daughter who is nearly 12 isn't interested in rude behaviour half as much.
I would be a rather worried though especially if it's causing a disruption in the class and if he thinks its funny. I'm not sure how I'd go about dealing with it in as each child is different and responds to different ways of discipline. For my daughter effective dicipline is stopping her seeing her friends or watching TV, for my son stopping him using the wii or computer is effective.
It depend on what you know is effective for him. I'd also be tempted to talk it through with your GP see what they have to say.
School can be very insensitive when it comes to picking up on childrens personality, the trouble with this day and age is that there's a label for everything. It can be so hurtfull.

Bigs hugs Angel I feel for you. X

5

angel it was attention seeking with our daughter..make sure he has plenty of attention which isnt of the physical kind (and I am not for a moment suggesting physical attention with a small boy is in any way sexual) boys confuse physical attention with sexuality and get it all screwed up.

good luck

6

angel it was attention seeking with our daughter..make sure he has plenty of attention which isnt of the physical kind (and I am not for a moment suggesting physical attention with a small boy is in any way sexual) boys confuse physical attention with sexuality and get it all screwed up.

good luck

7

angel it was attention seeking with our daughter..make sure he has plenty of attention which isnt of the physical kind (and I am not for a moment suggesting physical attention with a small boy is in any way sexual) boys confuse physical attention with sexuality and get it all screwed up.

good luck

8

angel it was attention seeking with our daughter..make sure he has plenty of attention which isnt of the physical kind (and I am not for a moment suggesting physical attention with a small boy is in any way sexual) boys confuse physical attention with sexuality and get it all screwed up.

good luck

9

He doesn't stop saying Poo Mrs A, for some reason he thinks it's hilarious. Now I think times have changed a lot, because I've seen pics of myself when I was younger and about his age running around bare sun cream on in the paddling pool in the yard, and my sis and stuff and most of my friends all recall the same when they was young, but could you imagine doing that now, the school and social services would have a feild day, they seem to blow everything out of proportion. I was initally are you kidding me? With the sexulised behaviour, it just seems silly to me that a 5yr old can be sexual.

It's just with the doll thing this evening that's got to me. To me it's very strange, it could also just be that he's a very curious little boy (Which he is) Stressful!

I have a GP appointment with him coming up, I'll bring it up with them, but I know it'll go either two ways a) it'll be a phase that he'll grow out of (I'm still waiting for him to grow out of the 'terrible twos' as they put it when I took him in before he was 2 due to hus hyperactivity and telling the DR that he just wouldn't sleep a week and only an hours sleep a night wasn't normal but as they said it was a phase and offerred no other guidence

Or 2) They'll have social workers swarming the place with their sexulised behaviour talk.

10

I have to say I do see the irony of the sexulised behaviour and me talking about this on a 'sex' site.

11

Going to the GP shows that you are a loving and concerned parent who doesn't have all the answers but is willing to accept help and advice from others to bring up your child in the best way you know how. If they can't see that then there's some thing wrong with the system. Sitting back and doing and saying nothing isn't going to help you or him.
Stay strong, all kids need is your time and your love. Everything else is secondary. You GP will see that you care.

12

Sounds innocent to me, he was probably comparing his big bum with the doll's little one or seeing that the doll didn't have a penis and finding it very funny.

13

mrs average wrote:

Going to the GP shows that you are a loving and concerned parent who doesn't have all the answers but is willing to accept help and advice from others to bring up your child in the best way you know how. If they can't see that then there's some thing wrong with the system. Sitting back and doing and saying nothing isn't going to help you or him.
Stay strong, all kids need is your time and your love. Everything else is secondary. You GP will see that you care.

Yeah I don't mean it in a non caring way if that makes sense, my son is my world, just getting sick of everything, teachers, DR's the lot.

My son is very violent towards things and we're working on it, it was suggested last week that this is learnt behaviour and the psychologist wanted to know if he'd experianced any domestic violence and/or I'm violent both are very much untrue.

I think caring for my son is also showing him that people go to work to get things they want, and not sit about getting them. However since my mum will drop my son off at school and pick him up as I start at 9am and finish work just as he finishes school then I'm classed as an absent parent and the school and social workers suggest that my sons problems are due to the fact that he obviously doesn't see me as a parential figure and he see's my mum as his mum, she literally just takes him too and from school. (Even though I work whilst he's in school I don't see how me sitting around at home whilst he's in school makes me more of a parent? Or dropping him off at school/picking him up. Isn't it far better that I'm there to wash him in the mornings, make his breakfast and get him dressed? And there every night to bathe him, give him dinner and tuck him into bed with a story?

The school tell me not to 'punish' him for too long because he doesn't understand what he's done wrong, but yet almost on a weekly basis suspend him for 3-5 days which is completely contradicting what they're saying to me.

And the DRs just always seem to say it's a phase he'll grow out of it, don't be concerned everything will be ok.

It just seems like they want to nit pick at things that aren't really an issue.

14

Kasumi wrote:

Sounds innocent to me, he was probably comparing his big bum with the doll's little one or seeing that the doll didn't have a penis and finding it very funny.

Quite possibly true Kasumi, Though have you seen dolls 'areas' recently some do look like they have one! lol

15

Hi, Schools and outsiders usually don't know what is best for our children, we parents do. we spend far more time with them. We have two boys and have often had to stand up for them in schools. My advice would be the complete opposite of what you have been given so far. I think that your boy is a completely normal adventurous high spirited child. More than likely he is both bored and seeking your attention. Spend as much time as possible with him, reading, playing board games etc and rather than punish him do the opposite and tell him that you will reward him with a treat for each day he is good in school and a bigger week end treat for each week of good behaviour. It is also not that unusual to see young boys playing with dolls. Hope this helps.

16

This must be very upsetting for you - you also mention autism and ADHD. How much support do the two of you get? The violence sounds to me like he's frustrated by things and if he's not getting the support from social services he needs, alot of this could be down to frustration. Make sure you mentin this all to your Dr and they SHOULD do their best to ensure he gets the support you both need. There should be support groups too where you can talk to parents in similar situations to yours and this could give you another angle to approach this from - again your Dr should be able to help you. All I can do is wish you the best of luck!

17

Thanks El Rojo! We spend a lot of time together

We don't really get any support Foxache, we've been told he has both Autism and ADHD, but due to budget cuts he's not been 'offically' tested since he was 3. Which is when they said he was boarderline. Both the school and the DR have sent seperate requests to CAMHs to get a diagnoses which would also ensure extra help, however on both occasions CAMHs have refused to do an assement because he doesn't fit the 'extreme' critera box that they're only looking at due to funding and being outstetched as a deperatment, as such he doesn't get the extra support in school, and we don't get any extra support.

18

hey, this sounds a bad situation but more the adult input than your son's.
kids have their odd phases and the authorities can take it to seriously which can be distressing.
but, there's a huge variety of traits and scaryasit sounds disorders that can make things difficult.

don't panic, seek some help and don't feel judged. authorities HAVE to account for the worst so they can seem cold but they're to help. could bee nothing and he just needs so guidance. Gah! lots I could say but don't worry and happy to talk if you want to email

19

FrozenAngel don't be scared of social workers, I went through the whole child safety review thing because the school thought ( wrongly) that I had a drink problem, anti Ds cause shakes that look like alcoholic DTs

My daughter is on the spectrum but we also got bounced back by CAHMs. This behaviour could be enough to put him into that criterial so talk to the GP again. If he is doing this inschool they need to be pushing for the assessment because if he is being excluded regularly they are failing in their duty to educate him.

If the SENCO is not helping then complain, in writing to both the head and the chair of governors.

xGGx

20

I understand what you are going through to some degree. I sometimes wonder if it because we, as adults, understand sexuality and "place" those same thoughts onto children. Social services saying sexualised behaviour is taking it to the extremes IMO.

Anyway I can tell you that I have 2 children and my girl went through an EXACT same stage of pulling her pants down. You say your son hasnt been watching anything sexualised, it doesnt need to be. Do you wanna know what started by daughter pulling her pants down? She watched it on a cartoon. I can;t for the life of me remember now which cartoon but some elephant wiggled its butt at another animal and BAM...my daughter was doing it....constantly, even in public.

One time my mum (Who had my kids for the weekend) phoned me concerned because my daughter pulled down her pants and spread her bum cheeks and wiggled her butt to everyone in the room. Oh the amount of talks we had with her, from telling her off to explaining why it was not polite to do that. She continued for about a year.

This is not the worst of it. My partner (Not the father) came downstairs after bathing them one night recently and told me she had told him she likes washing her vagina with the shower hose because it "feels nice" and that kinda freaked him out a little.

On top of this I have, on a few occasions, witnessed her trying to insert small thin objects (pencil, toothbrush) into her vagina!!

All of this behaviour really makes me feel like....should this be happening? Is this normal? From what Ican gather though it kinda is. If kids get attention for something (even negative) it can be encouragement and a lot of the other stuff is simple experimentation in my opinion. I know my brother used to worry my mother as he used to enjoy sticking lego up his bum!! I also remember getting a smacked arse when I was younger for "Mooning" family (Pants down). LOL. I laugh now but when it is my kids I think...am I doing something wrong here? I have always been careful to not expose them to sexual material (I plan to have "The talk" with them when they are in their teens but my daughter is 8 and my son is 6) I honestly think this behaviour is just kids, thinking they are being funny. I really think they do not understand the sexual connotations of this kind of behaviour and don't see it in a rude/sexual way, just "funny"

My daughter would often ask "Why is it rude to pull my pants down" or "Why is it not allowed for people to see my private parts" How do you answer that? Its kinda difficult being a mum or dad eh!

I have suspected my daughter for behaviour issues for a few years. It is something I have put off getting tested for unless her behaviour gets so extreme but wow, this girl has some energy. From the moment she wakes she is bouncing off the walls, won;t sit still for 5 minutes and just can't stop chattering. It is very tiring. She is the same at school and often I get reports that she is easily distracted and has to get split up from her mates for giggling and not focusing.

My son is the opposite. Very quiet and thankfully keeps his pants on! lol

I don't know what to say, or what advice to give really. I have just tried to do the best to curb that behaviour and thankfully, she is starting to grow out of it this year. The pants have stayed up!