ghostgirl wrote:
FrozenAngel don't be scared of social workers, I went through the whole child safety review thing because the school thought ( wrongly) that I had a drink problem, anti Ds cause shakes that look like alcoholic DTs
My daughter is on the spectrum but we also got bounced back by CAHMs. This behaviour could be enough to put him into that criterial so talk to the GP again. If he is doing this inschool they need to be pushing for the assessment because if he is being excluded regularly they are failing in their duty to educate him.
If the SENCO is not helping then complain, in writing to both the head and the chair of governors.
xGGx
Aw I'm sorry you went through that GG, It's not really that I'm scared of them because I'm not actually doing anything wrong, I provide for my child, he's happy, healthy, well taken care of and I don't drink, do drugs or anything else. It's more that they don't listen and blow everything up when there's nothing really there that drives me mad. In regards to them constantly going on that my mum has the parential role when all she does is take him to and from school. I wouldn't mind so much if she did have the parental role lol but they can't handle my son, so unless he's at his dads for the school holidays, I don't go out, I don't have nights out, I can't even watch a movie at the cinema because no one can handle my son and as such I wouldn't be able to leave him with someone for two hours whilst I went out.
Fluffbags wrote:
I understand what you are going through to some degree. I sometimes wonder if it because we, as adults, understand sexuality and "place" those same thoughts onto children. Social services saying sexualised behaviour is taking it to the extremes IMO.
Anyway I can tell you that I have 2 children and my girl went through an EXACT same stage of pulling her pants down. You say your son hasnt been watching anything sexualised, it doesnt need to be. Do you wanna know what started by daughter pulling her pants down? She watched it on a cartoon. I can;t for the life of me remember now which cartoon but some elephant wiggled its butt at another animal and BAM...my daughter was doing it....constantly, even in public.
One time my mum (Who had my kids for the weekend) phoned me concerned because my daughter pulled down her pants and spread her bum cheeks and wiggled her butt to everyone in the room. Oh the amount of talks we had with her, from telling her off to explaining why it was not polite to do that. She continued for about a year.
This is not the worst of it. My partner (Not the father) came downstairs after bathing them one night recently and told me she had told him she likes washing her vagina with the shower hose because it "feels nice" and that kinda freaked him out a little.
On top of this I have, on a few occasions, witnessed her trying to insert small thin objects (pencil, toothbrush) into her vagina!!
All of this behaviour really makes me feel like....should this be happening? Is this normal? From what Ican gather though it kinda is. If kids get attention for something (even negative) it can be encouragement and a lot of the other stuff is simple experimentation in my opinion. I know my brother used to worry my mother as he used to enjoy sticking lego up his bum!! I also remember getting a smacked arse when I was younger for "Mooning" family (Pants down). LOL. I laugh now but when it is my kids I think...am I doing something wrong here? I have always been careful to not expose them to sexual material (I plan to have "The talk" with them when they are in their teens but my daughter is 8 and my son is 6) I honestly think this behaviour is just kids, thinking they are being funny. I really think they do not understand the sexual connotations of this kind of behaviour and don't see it in a rude/sexual way, just "funny"
My daughter would often ask "Why is it rude to pull my pants down" or "Why is it not allowed for people to see my private parts" How do you answer that? Its kinda difficult being a mum or dad eh!
I have suspected my daughter for behaviour issues for a few years. It is something I have put off getting tested for unless her behaviour gets so extreme but wow, this girl has some energy. From the moment she wakes she is bouncing off the walls, won;t sit still for 5 minutes and just can't stop chattering. It is very tiring. She is the same at school and often I get reports that she is easily distracted and has to get split up from her mates for giggling and not focusing.
My son is the opposite. Very quiet and thankfully keeps his pants on! lol
I don't know what to say, or what advice to give really. I have just tried to do the best to curb that behaviour and thankfully, she is starting to grow out of it this year. The pants have stayed up!
I agree with the taking it to the extremes.
Oh wow Fluffbags, that is a lot with your daughter bless you!. She sounds exactly like my son, he loves to wiggle his bum around lol and with the hyperactivity he's usually up around 5am and doesn't sit still for a second, constantly running around after him and yeah it's extremly tiring!
But thanks for sharing, it's actually made me feel much better about the situation that it's not just my child, the way the school make it out to be is that he's the only one who does it and it's wrong.
FrozenAngel wrote:
ghostgirl wrote:
FrozenAngel don't be scared of social workers, I went through the whole child safety review thing because the school thought ( wrongly) that I had a drink problem, anti Ds cause shakes that look like alcoholic DTs
My daughter is on the spectrum but we also got bounced back by CAHMs. This behaviour could be enough to put him into that criterial so talk to the GP again. If he is doing this inschool they need to be pushing for the assessment because if he is being excluded regularly they are failing in their duty to educate him.
If the SENCO is not helping then complain, in writing to both the head and the chair of governors.
xGGx
Aw I'm sorry you went through that GG, It's not really that I'm scared of them because I'm not actually doing anything wrong, I provide for my child, he's happy, healthy, well taken care of and I don't drink, do drugs or anything else. It's more that they don't listen and blow everything up when there's nothing really there that drives me mad. In regards to them constantly going on that my mum has the parential role when all she does is take him to and from school. I wouldn't mind so much if she did have the parental role lol but they can't handle my son, so unless he's at his dads for the school holidays, I don't go out, I don't have nights out, I can't even watch a movie at the cinema because no one can handle my son and as such I wouldn't be able to leave him with someone for two hours whilst I went out.
My message timed out whilst I was writing it,
But I've wrote letters to them all, waiting for information back. Even got the local MP involved, and call his office everytime he gets suspended. Think I may have gone a little OTT on one occasion when he was excluded and blamed the MP for the budget cuts, him not getting the help he needs and me as a 'single' parent not getting the help, since I'm on warnings already in work for the amount of time I've had to have off when my son gets excluded from school. I've threatened to go to the papers in regards to them no longer helping children (Unless they're suicidle - which is what was told when I phoned up the head office) and that they're making parents go back to work (Which I agree with in an extent, I like to earn my money) however since my son is getting excluded all the time, it's likely at some point I'm going to get sacked, no job in their right mind would hire me since it's a continious occurance which is going to leave my ass on JSA. And since it's not only me this is happening too, children all over the country who need the help aren't getting it.
FrozenAngel, admittedly I don't have children, so feel free to instruct me to zip-it.
For what it's worth, as far as your child's behaviour is concerned, I don't think you have anything to worry about just yet — it could well be a phase and it's all too easy to label him with various conditions that sadly he'll find himself saddled with for the rest of his life. He's five. Five-year-olds can be very naughty and find even the most innocuous of things highly entertaining. Sometimes they do things people find highly disturbing. We often review our childhood behaviour with rose-tinted spectacles, so I wouldn't necessarily use your own as a benchmark by which to judge your child's. If you can, perhaps you need to discuss what he gets up to when he's with his father (I expect such a conversation will be no easy feat, even meeting with resistence from said father).
With social services and his teachers it's anyone's guess. The world being so fucked-up, everbody is on edge more-or-less about absolutely everything. They're like wounded animals.
It's anecdotal I know and could well be an exception to the established rule but…
My sister's boy was pretty much the same as yours — he had an obsession with removing his trousers at will regardless of surroundings or company. I took him to the cinema once to see 'Flubber' and he suddenly decided he was the green goo, ejected from his seat boucing around in the isles removing all of his clothes. At six, by and large he was unruly everywhere. Aound four or five he also became fascinated with his genitalia, asking constantly to compare with any chap within ten feet. His brother and sister who are only two years younger are very well behaved. His parents and grandmother (a retired matron) believed he was just being very naughty. I have only a passing aquaintance with pædiatric psychiatry/-cology so have no cause, effectively as an outsider, to question their judgment either way. They were probably correct.
Like me, both of his parents are Doctors; both rarely saw the children because of work commitments, so their grandmother looked after them until one or both parents arrived home from work. Despite his early childhood behaviour, my nephew is about to complete a degree in physics with a double first and is planning to begin a doctorate next term. Whenever I mention the Flubber cinema incident he has absolutely no recollection and thinks he was sat quietly for the duration munching his popcorn. Me suspects a case selective-amnesia and rose-tinted spectacles!
FrozenAngel wrote:
Fluffbags wrote:
I understand what you are going through to some degree. I sometimes wonder if it because we, as adults, understand sexuality and "place" those same thoughts onto children. Social services saying sexualised behaviour is taking it to the extremes IMO.
Anyway I can tell you that I have 2 children and my girl went through an EXACT same stage of pulling her pants down. You say your son hasnt been watching anything sexualised, it doesnt need to be. Do you wanna know what started by daughter pulling her pants down? She watched it on a cartoon. I can;t for the life of me remember now which cartoon but some elephant wiggled its butt at another animal and BAM...my daughter was doing it....constantly, even in public.
One time my mum (Who had my kids for the weekend) phoned me concerned because my daughter pulled down her pants and spread her bum cheeks and wiggled her butt to everyone in the room. Oh the amount of talks we had with her, from telling her off to explaining why it was not polite to do that. She continued for about a year.
This is not the worst of it. My partner (Not the father) came downstairs after bathing them one night recently and told me she had told him she likes washing her vagina with the shower hose because it "feels nice" and that kinda freaked him out a little.
On top of this I have, on a few occasions, witnessed her trying to insert small thin objects (pencil, toothbrush) into her vagina!!
All of this behaviour really makes me feel like....should this be happening? Is this normal? From what Ican gather though it kinda is. If kids get attention for something (even negative) it can be encouragement and a lot of the other stuff is simple experimentation in my opinion. I know my brother used to worry my mother as he used to enjoy sticking lego up his bum!! I also remember getting a smacked arse when I was younger for "Mooning" family (Pants down). LOL. I laugh now but when it is my kids I think...am I doing something wrong here? I have always been careful to not expose them to sexual material (I plan to have "The talk" with them when they are in their teens but my daughter is 8 and my son is 6) I honestly think this behaviour is just kids, thinking they are being funny. I really think they do not understand the sexual connotations of this kind of behaviour and don't see it in a rude/sexual way, just "funny"
My daughter would often ask "Why is it rude to pull my pants down" or "Why is it not allowed for people to see my private parts" How do you answer that? Its kinda difficult being a mum or dad eh!
I have suspected my daughter for behaviour issues for a few years. It is something I have put off getting tested for unless her behaviour gets so extreme but wow, this girl has some energy. From the moment she wakes she is bouncing off the walls, won;t sit still for 5 minutes and just can't stop chattering. It is very tiring. She is the same at school and often I get reports that she is easily distracted and has to get split up from her mates for giggling and not focusing.
My son is the opposite. Very quiet and thankfully keeps his pants on! lol
I don't know what to say, or what advice to give really. I have just tried to do the best to curb that behaviour and thankfully, she is starting to grow out of it this year. The pants have stayed up!
I agree with the taking it to the extremes.
Oh wow Fluffbags, that is a lot with your daughter bless you!. She sounds exactly like my son, he loves to wiggle his bum around lol and with the hyperactivity he's usually up around 5am and doesn't sit still for a second, constantly running around after him and yeah it's extremly tiring!
But thanks for sharing, it's actually made me feel much better about the situation that it's not just my child, the way the school make it out to be is that he's the only one who does it and it's wrong.
I am glad it made you feel like you are not alone, and that your son is not the only child doing this behaviour. That was why I felt the need to comment and share my story. I felt like, if this were me, I would want to know that I am not alone and that it is kinda normal kid behaviour. Judging by Mr Socks post, there is another story to prove this is kinda normal. Maybe not appreciated by us adults as we get embarrassed but kids don't have shame lol
Mr Socks, that just made me LOL in regards to him thinking he was Flubber, that's rather funny, however I don't imagine it was as funny for you at the time!
Fluffbags, that's it just knowing I've not got a 'weird' child makes me feel much less stressed out than I was!
Thanks all =) xx
FrozenAngel wrote:
Mr Socks, that just made me LOL in regards to him thinking he was Flubber, that's rather funny, however I don't imagine it was as funny for you at the time!
I probably wasn't the least pleased of those present; there were enough parents expressing everything from mild amusement to outrage at my young nephew bouncing around having first exposed himself. What more could I do than catch, re-dress and tell-him-off? Yes I was a touch abashed, but it wasn't worth getting too flummoxed by. He wasn't allowed back for at least a year. Doesn't feel too amusing even now. What irks me is his outright refusal to believe it ever happened even if he doesn't recollect.
Just goes to show any child can behave oddly or badly for many a reason, even if they have parents the vast majority perceive as being ideal. He was like that until around twelve and then spontaneously calmed down and got stuck into his school work. This seems to be true of many an unruly child.
Naturally one can't be absolutely certain things will work out with your child, however, the best advice I can give (despite dirth of own children), is to try and keep on top of things as much as possible and wait until he gets a little older — so long as he isn't committing any criminal activity — before considering alternative rationale for his behaviour. It could just be attention seeking.
Lets hope you can get everything sorted so you can enrol at Medical School. (I would re-confirm your deferred entry though, some colleges only allow a years' deferral, which means you'd have to re-sit the OMAT / MVAT or whatever the entrance exams are these days and re-apply).
FrozenAngel, I have a son (14 now) who has various learning difficulties including dyspraxia, dyslexia and ADHD. He lives his life at 100mph and didnt sleep through the night until he was 12. I have a little experience with learning difficulties and I would say he sounds like he may have Aspergers (a form of autism). My best friend's son has Aspergers and your son seems to have a lot of the same traits, but I am by no means an expert.
I was lucky, my son was statemented at 4. I think you may need to go down that road too. They're not naughty or sexualised, they just have no understanding of their actions, or they do things that feel good, or they get angry or hurt other children because their empathy skills are lacking, but this can all be taught.
Are the school sympathetic? I would say try and get the school involved and on side and maybe bring in an educational psychologist, they were brilliant with pinpointing my son's needs and the help available.
Mr Socks wrote:
FrozenAngel wrote:
Mr Socks, that just made me LOL in regards to him thinking he was Flubber, that's rather funny, however I don't imagine it was as funny for you at the time!
I probably wasn't the least pleased of those present; there were enough parents expressing everything from mild amusement to outrage at my young nephew bouncing around having first exposed himself. What more could I do than catch, re-dress and tell-him-off? Yes I was a touch abashed, but it wasn't worth getting too flummoxed by. He wasn't allowed back for at least a year. Doesn't feel too amusing even now. What irks me is his outright refusal to believe it ever happened even if he doesn't recollect.
Just goes to show any child can behave oddly or badly for many a reason, even if they have parents the vast majority perceive as being ideal. He was like that until around twelve and then spontaneously calmed down and got stuck into his school work. This seems to be true of many an unruly child.
Naturally one can't be absolutely certain things will work out with your child, however, the best advice I can give (despite dirth of own children), is to try and keep on top of things as much as possible and wait until he gets a little older — so long as he isn't committing any criminal activity — before considering alternative rationale for his behaviour. It could just be attention seeking.
Lets hope you can get everything sorted so you can enrol at Medical School. (I would re-confirm your deferred entry though, some colleges only allow a years' deferral, which means you'd have to re-sit the OMAT / MVAT or whatever the entrance exams are these days and re-apply).
I bet it would be outright annoying that he just either doesn't remember it hapened or just is unwilling to admit it. I think I would have been one of the parents slightly amused whilst feeling sorry, since my son does things like that, I seem to feel real empathy for parents with boisterous children.
I had to re-read my post about Medical school, and then remembered I put it in for another post! Thanks; I honestly think it's a pipe dream now since he currently gets excluded from school on such a regular basis that I wouldn't have the time to do it. I know I have to re sit the entrance exams again now. My OH has said when he comes and fully moves to the UK he'll make me go. We'll see, I'd feel like I was palming my son off on him if I did that.
Curiousgeorgie wrote:
FrozenAngel, I have a son (14 now) who has various learning difficulties including dyspraxia, dyslexia and ADHD. He lives his life at 100mph and didnt sleep through the night until he was 12. I have a little experience with learning difficulties and I would say he sounds like he may have Aspergers (a form of autism). My best friend's son has Aspergers and your son seems to have a lot of the same traits, but I am by no means an expert.
I was lucky, my son was statemented at 4. I think you may need to go down that road too. They're not naughty or sexualised, they just have no understanding of their actions, or they do things that feel good, or they get angry or hurt other children because their empathy skills are lacking, but this can all be taught.
Are the school sympathetic? I would say try and get the school involved and on side and maybe bring in an educational psychologist, they were brilliant with pinpointing my son's needs and the help available.
Thanks Curious!
We had an Educational Psychologist at the school observing him within the school enviroment last week, so just waiting on their evaluation now.