Hi everyone I am new to to the forum. I have to admit I love how comfortable everyone is here it makes it easier to communicate with people with the same interests.
anyways I've heard the saying. " a good sub is a reflection of their dominant partner. "
I want to start a thread where each person adds one bit of advice/tip/secret to being a good dom. Try keeping it short and sweet and then hopefully we can add all these to our own to do lists to get the best experiences.
ill start by saying; always listen to your submissive and their body when starting new, to prevent serious injury and understand what your sub enjoys.
Improve your communication skills. Not just in what you say, but in understanding what they are saying too, whether in actual words, reading between the lines or through body language.
Make sure that you reward your sub as much as you punish them. This will make them more willing to submit to you mentally and also crave to please the dom even more, knowing that they will be rewarded. Witness how much more your sub will get into it and how much sluttier they become when you punish and reward appropriately.
Let your sub know that you are the boss, using your body language, vocabulary and eye contact. Use all of them, to show confidence and that you own the room. Make it seem like you know what you want and what your doing at all times, at a comfortable pace for both of you. A confused dom with no confidence is not sexy and will not be taken as seriously.
Set limits for your sub and always know how far they are willing to go into kinkier territory e.g. whipping, pony play, watersports etc. Don't take advantage of their submission. Both of you need pleasure from your play :)
Actually wish i could edit mine to be worded better to how i meant it as reading back its not very clear. I meant there's a fine line between dominating and abuse, a sub might not speak out or be too in the moment to realise something might be dangerous (should they partake in being sat on, choked etc that if done for too long or taken too extreme could endanger their health) I meant keep vigilant, and be prepared to stop if something is risking endangering their health, or yours, even if it means you break role and instead of being a dom, you're just being a person looking out for another person, even if it spoils the mood/flow, safety and health first.
Simplicity. I love when my dom requests a simple instruction like to undress slowly in the middle of the room. What is normally a thoughtless process becomes a highly sexual vulnerable moment.
Communicate at all times, use the traffic light system if it calls for it, always reward your sub when they have been good, and always show them when they have been bad, dependgin on what level of sub and dom we are talking about here, depends on how far the control factor really goes.
Make sure to keep some thigns a mystery such as not telling the sub what the daily task is until last minute( unless this is something that causes problems) but either way it gives you the element of surprise.
Always remember when they say stop they mean it, so dont carry on a bit and be like aww its ok just a little longer or oh but I didnt cum, no that is abusive and in no way honours what the sub/dom relationship is truly about.
There is and should always be mutual respect for one another, remember also that the dom's true purpose is to push and stretch the sub's abilities to their liimit while always aiming to fulfill their desires,even if it appears they are fulfilling yours, its technically reverse both ways.
Last but not least, should anythign go wrong, stop immediately and reassure your sub, do not under any circumstances try to carry on where you left off, you have to make them your everything and to ensure the trust is never broken, like all relationships this is no different, should the trust ever be damaged or broken then there is no relationship full stop.
Ask if the submissive has any health contiditions which may interfer with play (diabetes, heart conditions, epilespy, etc), so you are able to add the right safety measures needed and can avoid harmful equipment.
Have safe words or signals in place - safe words don’t mean that you don’t trust your partner. They are there to protect you both on a physical and emotional level. We personally use the traffic light system. GREEN to let Mr Scorpius know that I am comfortable to continue - especially during a new activity or something that is more daring.
AMBER means ‘slow down’ or ‘I’m close to my limit’ and RED means ‘all play stops immediately’.
The most important thing is that the sub feels safe. Honest communication between the Dom and sub will help you to understand boundaries, fears & desires. Know each other’s limits and always respect them.