Hi Everyone. I hope you can give me some advice from both the Dom and Sub side. Someone has recently asked me to be their mistress and this is something I haven’t done before. I was just trying to see if I have a dominant side and it turns out I do and seems to be attracting those that wish to be my slave. It wouldn’t be a sexual related Mistress/Slave so we wouldn’t be having sex so I wanted some advice on what the boundaries are and the things that can be done to keep them mentally happy as well as physically. They like things such as treading, whipping, being fully dominated etc. I’m just in new waters with this so don’t really fully know the rules as=nd I’d rather hear from people that live the life rather then just words online. Are there things that make it more exciting or things that have actually gone too far?
Boundaries are what you and your partner set and will be unique to each dynamic. Sit down separately and then together and discuss what you each are willing and can do, as well as things that are a hard no. This should be in terms of what you are both physically capable of (for example, if you have never whipped someone then you need to practice and get some instruction before going anywhere near another human being) as well as things like what you actually have the time to do. Some people love the idea of tons of rules, but in practice sticking to them/monitoring them can be almost impossible. For example, making them ask every time they use the bathroom is fine when you are together but what if you are both at work and they have an upset stomach and you are in a meeting?
Start slow and small. Learn some skills (you mention impact and trampling so start there) and then add in some simple protocols. For example, you choose the clothing they wear while you play, or they have to open doors for you if you are out and about together. See what works and then add a bit more.
You will also need to discuss things like health, availability, exclusivity and what you are both hoping to get from it.
Successful dynamics are built on trust and respect and that doesn’t happen over night.
There are quite a few good books out there including the Mistress Manual, Absolute Guide to Domination, The New Topping Book and probably many more. You can also look for your local kink community (joining sites like Fetlife will help you find them) and there are lots of workshops, social events, play events etc that will help you learn more
My dynamic is sexual so cant contribute a huge amount. What i would say though is although its great hearing from others, every dynamic is unique and kink is customizable. The number one rule is communication so you need to sit with your slave and find out from them what they like, what they dislike, what is a hard and soft limit, what their safe word is if they feel like they need to use it, is the dynamic going to be all the time even when youre out together or just certain times indoors etc. You also need to discuss all of those things from your perspective aswell. You could also visit some kink events in your area or find a munch (a gathering of kinky people in a vanilla setting like a restaurant) so you can talk to like minded people. You could find online gatherings, seminars etc and i would definately advise doing online research. A good start would be looking for sunny megatron. She is an amazing sex and kink educator with a podcast and lots of info on her website.
Just to say it again though, communication is key. You have as much control as your slave. Everything you partake in must be consenual from both sides.
Enjoy your journey!
Thanks for your response @Calie and @Kh1985. We have started online as we are too far away for face to face play on a regular basis. In the future I don’t even know how often we can meet but I have been up front about that. We have limited it to 2 days for the dom/sub play as they are his days off and I have freedom to completely dominate in and out of the house. Well, this is what he has said so far but also wants to stay in contact on the other days too but I have told him that I will keep that limited due to time clashes and our general lives. We do need to talk about boundaries and a safe word which of coarse we should have done first. I has only been a few days so we’ve done nothing too intensive. I have added the podcast to help with my education and I love the idea of meeting up for a munch (any site names or apps?) as well as attending other events. Any sites or chat forums would be a great help. I’ll be looking into any advice given and be sure to keep communication open at all times. I love that I can learn more about myself from this experience as well as broaden my skills and kinks. I feel like with each experience and conversation a bit of myself comes out and it’s giving me a real sense of freedom.
I’d say with anyone that gets into this kind of stuff it’s important to firstly discuss the boundaries and set a safe word for incase it gets too much.
Then it’s mostly down to what they find pleasure in as there’s such a vast array of things and all at different levels of pleasure.