Encouraging the wife

how can i encourage my wife to wear sexy lingerie Iv always a massive turn on, but she’s never been that keen

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Not a lot of info to go on here but you can’t “encourage” her to wear lingerie. There may be relationship issues involved or body type insecurities. Dunno. Why not try on the lingerie yourself and see how she reacts just for fun?

As stated you cant “encourage” her without talking to her about why she isn’t keen. Due to medical issues my wife lost confidence in her self and did not like wearing sexy lingerie. We discussed things and over time I would buy her the odd pair of knickers or baby doll/Chemise set (items that she could wear as a night dress) and it gave her confidence in her self. The last order we got a free bodystocking which she absolutely loves (I did not think she would go for it at all).

Its all about communication and not rushing things. I love her in her sexy lingerie (and out of it of course) but it is up to her when she puts it on.

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Why has she never been keen do you think? Just not her thing? Uncomfortable? Already hot and doesn’t need it :wink:

What sort of thing had you hoped for? Stockings and such like or just a simple matching set?

I felt like a bit of a tit the 1st time i wore suspenders for example but the reaction was very encouraging, i stuck to nice thongs, crotchless pants and the encouragement i got and the more i was asked to wear ‘the black pair’ the more confident i got.

Maybe start small, one or 2 items.

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Great post @CurvyCandy2 Love the line “I felt like a bit of a tit the 1st time”. I can totally relate but for different reasons.

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Communication try classy rather than trashy, she may not like skimpy, Crotchless thongs etc. Look at styles she likes then possibly buy them in different materials

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You could try complimenting her, make her feel beautiful, generally. Also understand that what you want to see her in and what she likes to wear may be very different things. For example, you’ll never see me in red. Although my acne has calmed down considerably when compared to my younger days (largely thanks to the mini-pill), I still get the occasional pimple. Nothing, and I say this sincerely, nothing makes an angry-looking pimple look more angry than the colour red, so unless my skin is looking peachy perfect (and well concealed), I avoid it at all costs. Instead, I prefer black.

I’m also conscious of my tummy, so you won’t see me in a bra and thong. I prefer a babydoll; it allows me to feel cute and comfortable. That my husband likes me to submissively wear nothing on the bottom is irrelevant, it’s a happy compromise for him allowing me to wear something that makes me feel both beautiful and secure.

Talk to her about lingerie and lingerie styles. Ask her if she likes any of it, if she thinks she’d like to wear any of it, but if she rejects the topic, understand her and don’t push her. Remember, the sexiest thing that anyone can wear is confidence.

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…the sexiest thing that anyone can wear is confidence.

I want to put that on a T-shirt!

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Fine but I’ll have to charge commission, it’s only fair lol.

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If she doesn’t want to wear them, can’t really encourage or force her too! :frowning:

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Well you need to talk to her and find out why she isn’t keen, but more bc you want to understand, than with a view to change her mind.

I hated lingerie, and wore it purely for my partner, and it wasn’t until I bought something that I actually liked, that I felt good wearing it.

I had previously bought what I thought looked sexy on the model and then when it didn’t look the same way on me, it knocked my confidence. What you might want to see her in, may not be what she would want to wear, if she did like to wear lingerie.

Example, unlike @Tenshadesandme, I love red for when I’m feeling slutty and a bodysuit is more my style, with stockings and I hate babydolls. Sometimes I open the door wearing just a suspender belt and stockings. This is just to explain that lingerie isn’t a one style suits all type of thing.

Really though, your wife has said no, that should be enough for you.

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Put some on yourself and show her …

… it’ll be funny, which should help her relax about it. You’ll also be showing that you’re not just asking her to do things that make her uncomfortable, but you are prepared to ‘muck in’ too … super important.

… and of course she’ll know she’ll probably look ‘better’, which will boost confidence.

I’ve learned to never ask my wife to do something if I’m not prepared to do it (or similar) myself. It’s a leadership thing … lead, and she may well follow

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So many reasons why a woman would reject lingerie. The most likely one being the lingerie which is on a man’s shopping list. It doesn’t matter how sexy you think a woman will look, if it’s out someone’s comfort zone it’s wasted money.

I am not great at this and have messed up several times but it’s always worth asking about colours, fit etc. the answer might take you to M&S lol.

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Maybe see and ask what sort of thing is her favourite to wear. Sometimes people don’t feel comfortable or confident in skimpy clothes like lingerie so have to kinda respect that and see if there’s any ways you could help them to feel more comfortable it wearing should they choose to :slightly_smiling_face:

Hmmm
As @JoCat said, if it’s an outright “no” then you need to walk away.
You said that “she’s never been that keen” so only you know where she really stands.
If there is a window, then I would say it’s less about encouraging her and more about letting her know what your wishes / fantasies / desires are for your sexual relationship.
My wife was the first person in our relationship to suggest, and purchase, sexy lingerie. But that was a long time ago, before we had two kids.
Our sex life died a death and we had to do a lot of work to get it back on track.
Kids, jobs, perimenopause, fatigue and stress … all passion killers for us.
We clashed over sex and things like lingerie and we ended up in therapy - which was the best thing for us.
In a session, my wife said she resented me wanting to dress her up like a doll - she had lots of issues around it.
To cut a long story short, we both discussed what our wants and needs are and she saw it in a different light.
She looks amazing in sexy lingerie - and I think that was hard for her to get head around.
In the beginning, she was happy to have an agreed ‘container’ for sex, that would include lingerie.
Over time, she got more and more used to it and has now given herself permission to view herself as a sexy lady. Now she has lots of favourite items and lingerie definitely adds to our sex life - for both of us.
She realises that I adore her and her confidence and comfort level has boosted massively.
Communication, respect, patience … it takes time but for us, we have ended up in a position that is beyond my dreams with our sex life.
Good luck in your journey x

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If you do manage to encourage her to wear sexy lingerie (i am NOT suggesting you do) she wont enjoy it . Would you be able to enjoy it if you knew she didnt want to be wearing it and was only doing it to please you ?
We have drawers full of stuff my husband purchased for me whilst trying to “encourage” me a few years back , it all has tags on still and never been tried . I dont know why i have even kept it , it just reminds me that he thought i needed more than myself to be sexy or arouse him (he didnt feel like that but thats how i saw it)
Basically i’m saying be very careful the more you push it or keep suggesting it the more she will say no , every piece of lingerie he purchased knocked my confidence and had me reaching for my pjs .
But … Im more than happy to dress up now and will purchase it myself so its the right size/fit/style for me .
Talk to her and then talk some more and be prepared for this might just be something she has no interest in and doesnt want to do .
I might go and do some clearing out of unwanted clothes now :grin:

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Sell it! New with tags things could get you some treat money :wink:

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Thats my plan :grin:
One womans trash is another womans treasure
Will add its not trash , just not my choice .

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Absolutely! I sold all the things I had bought and felt horrible in!