I've had erectile disfunction over the last couple of years that we (myself and wife) have largely overcome now (pun not intended). This was not due to high blood pressure/diabetes/overweight which is something that the GP needs to check.
Does this affect anyone else on here? If so, then it might be useful to share experiences. If not, then there are already dedicated forums on other sites and this thread can whither and die.
Hello =) let me start by saying your not alone my partner has ED and his only 24 I'm 22
and in all honestly it doesn't really bother me like you say you overcome it and finds ways around it his seeing the doctors about it and still had to have a few tests.
The main thing that bothers me about it is that is can get pretty annoyed with himself about it and down. Also if he puts a lot of work into getting hard then goes soft right away he gets annoyed and don't want to do it anymore.
But you get use to it doesn't really bother us anymore :) x
I have diabetes and like Mr lollipop can find it frustrating when you spend a while getting hard only to lose your erection.
We are not atcally sure why he gets erectile disfunction yet .
the docs think its cause he also has heart problems so its like a side effect. X
Perhaps dysfunction in my and possibly your partners case isnt the correct term. like most things the more you think about it the more anxious you can become making it more difficult?
That's very true.
I always tell him to relaxed not worry about it or think about it.
But sadly the doctors have said he has got erectile disfunction. X
If I'm honest I think all guys will experience erection problems at some point. I will admit I have I've put it down to stress. Problem is when it does happen I end up putting more pressure on myself to perform and that makes it more difficult to get it up.
The best bit of advice I can give is to relax, don't worry about it when it does happen and just enjoy the other bits of sex that don't involve penetration. And then try not to worry about it before your next session, if you think you will have trouble getting an erection then you will have trouble
With me it started a couple of years ago which I initially put down to too much to drink causing it the first time and then performance anxiety. I went to the doctor and I'm physically fine.
I must stress that you should go to the doctor first as this could be the symptom of something else.
The doctor prescribed Viagra which worked, but was expensive as I'm not diabetic and I didn't want to become dependant on the blue pills.
After a while it was increasingly hit and miss without Viagra so I did a search for other solutions online. The advice is broadly for five things:
1) Physical things. Diabetes, heart condition, overweight, unfit etc.
2) Mental things. Stress, performance anxiety etc.
3) Minor physical things. You can take a variety of things (garlic, ginseng etc.) that thin the blood. Also alcohol/any other drugs can cause a problem.
4) Porn. There's so much freely available porn that you can train your mind to require it to maintain an erection.
5) Pelvic floor. A strong pelvic floor can maintain an erection.
So for me, I'd ruled out points one and three (although I have cut down alcohol and avoid it completely on nights that are likely to end in sex). I'm not under stress and my wife has been superb at helping remove performance anxiety, so that's two ruled out as well.
Point five has been important. I hadn't done pelvic floor exercises ever and I think the muscles down there were practically non existant so that was something to deal with.
Point four is the big one. From the stories online, I was a classic case. Start with a bit of porn, then it gets a bit more hardcore. Ultimately I was masterbating to porn about three times a week and had trained my mind that this was the way to erections and orgasm. Unless you're married to a porn star then this is not the same as the experience in the bedroom however attractive and adventurous your wife is.
So I completely cut out porn including erotic fiction. I also cut out masterbation and I'm doing regular pelvic floor exercises. From reading online it can take six months to get rid of a porn dependency. I'm about three months into this now and have had amazing results to the extent that the other week my wife asked if I'd taken Viagra. Now this might not work for everyone which is why I stress to check with a doctor first and have a think about the five points and how they might apply to you, but I would be careful about how, and how often, you use porn.
The good thing about this is that the doctor is happy to prescribe Viagra and now this has become an occasional marathon sex session drug rather than something I need every time.
mine was caused by medication for high blood pressure but my gp as me taking viagra,you still need the stimulation but the tablet works,i am so hard as i watch my wife with other men to stimulate me and i go for ages before i come.
My partner has heart problems so can't take Viagra.
He has been waiting nearly a year for them to sort it now. X
My partner had no sex drive and had problems getting aroused he had lost all interest in sex at the time i thought that it was me i was unattractive fat and that he had gone off me because he just use to sit on his xbox play his cod and chat to his friends til i went to bed we spent nearly 2 years of not speaking about sex or even cuddling or kissing or being intimate was a lonely time for me a very sad one i spent more time out of the house with friends and out on the town we had become strangers well during one of my nights out i was a victim of a nasty assault it effected me badly that i did welcome how my partner was about sex and sexual contact well anyway we had drifted apart and one day i was sat crying and he came out with it that he had been in denile that as a man he felt embarrased and shame that he could not get aroused or have any interest in sex it was never my fault ,it was then that it finally clicked it was not me and we needed to get professional help to get the relationship back so i spoke to somebody about being assaulted he spoke to his doc and was placed on testostrone and three years on the testostrone seems to be working but he still as problems so as now been given viagra and me i still see somebody about what happend to me but im getting there and i finally think our relationship is back on course we dont have an active sex life yet but the cuddles kisses we massage each other and being close is nice he knows now that he can come close to me without it having to lead to sex just being close to each other means everything to me i love him even if we never get our sex life back hes still the person who makes me laugh smile sex isnt everything
I used to date a guy with ED but from a massive crystal meth habit it turned out (along with other things). If I'd have known I may have shown less sympathy!
Heavens Poison wrote:
My partner had no sex drive and had problems getting aroused he had lost all interest in sex at the time i thought that it was me i was unattractive fat and that he had gone off me
I think that this is really common and is very hard to deal with. Convincing your OH that you find her attractive is half the battle, but if you don't then this just adds to the problem and it spirals out of control
StHubbins wrote:
Heavens Poison wrote:
My partner had no sex drive and had problems getting aroused he had lost all interest in sex at the time i thought that it was me i was unattractive fat and that he had gone off me
I think that this is really common and is very hard to deal with. Convincing your OH that you find her attractive is half the battle, but if you don't then this just adds to the problem and it spirals out of control
so very true
StHubs. Mines become a "little lazy" of late, and I found some of the same answers as yourself. Been doing the male pelvic floor too. It's taken a while tolearn how to not squeeze the rectal muscles at the same time,but I'm finally gettting there. I crack myself up when I try to do the hanging towel test though.....should've started with ahand towel, not a full sized bath one!!
*Why can't I lift it??Why?!*
You are not alone my friend. Nowdays I blame too much alcohol - but even when I was 16-17 and was not drinking at all I could have problems. But when I was in a serious relationship, in my early 20s it was fine. I just need to feel comfortable I think, I hope. It works fine when I'm on my own - a lot is in the mind I think?
I'm in a new relationship and my new partner struggles maintaining his erection.... I think that he has performance anxiety and he feels insecure as I'm more experienced than him... Unsure how to make him feel more relaxed with me, I've tried several things so far to not much avail :-/
StHubbins I am glad that you are getting over your ED now. I know how difficult that issue can be.
I suffer from the same problem, however, my doctor is completely useless and blames everything she can on my depression - IBS, that's your depression, headache, that's depression, broken arm, you know you're depression is a major problem here.
Okay, last one I am joking, but she is so useless that I don't have any faith in her at all and don't want to see her (especially as ED can have a route cause from depression). The point is, I am not suffering from a depressive episode at the moment, but she just wants me out of her office with as little work as possible. I would try another surgery, but the others nearby have equally bad reports about them and the good ones are full on their books - so is it bettter the devil?
I thank God that I don't get it everytime we wish to make love, but it is happening more and more. My OH is understanding about it and is a blessing to me, but I know how it feels to be in the mood and not to stay hard.
I have thought about trying a penis pump, because I have read somewhere that these can help, but I really don't know just how much truth there is in it or how effective they are.
Its really weird, last week I would have said no, but I've cut back on drinking recently as part of my health kick.
We were playing last night, and I got sent for a shower (I'd had one that morning, but she insisted). I stayed hard long enough to shower and come back for my treat.
We've swapped from missionary to doggy and I've lost it before!
Reigniting this thread looking for advice!
My partner of 6 years has suffered from mild ED for the entirety of our relationship. At first it wasn't too bad, I'd noticed that he never quite seemed *completely* hard but honestly in the beginning I thought I was just not pleasing him well enough. He's circumcised and none of my previous partners were so I genuinely thought maybe circumcised guys need different 'techniques' to really get them going. We never really talked about it, although I did mention once or twice that I wished I was better at certain things as I felt I was getting it wrong, he would just say that what I was doing was great so not to worry. He never said he thought it might be ED.
Over the last 6 months or so it has got much worse, and now it is difficult to have sex at all as he simply can't get hard enough to penetrate me. I know it's immensely frustrating for him and have reassured him that I don't think any less of him and am not disappointed in him in any way. There are lots of ways to have sex, it doesn't have to involve him penetrating me with his penis.
In any case, he has been to see his GP about it for the first time and then came home and told me it was ED, he's been for some blood tests for which we'll get the results this week. He doesn't really want to go on Viagra if he can help it as he is already on several medications for various things, plus he says it's not available on the NHS?
We are still quite a young couple - he's 32 and I'm 27, and I really want to be as supportive as I possibly can while still having a sexual relationship with him. He is aroused easily, that's not the problem, he just can't get hard.
If anyone could give me any advice on this I'd really appreciate it. How do I support him through this?
Thanks so much. - Sarah