I have been suffering with this condition for a while and cant seem to fix it :(
I can get a really hard erection when playing by hand and can stay hard all the way to finnish but when with my wife by the time im in position to "put it in" its gone! Being able to to keep hard when masturbating makes me think its not medical but in my head, been with my wife nearly 30 years love her to bits and find her extremly sexy :) .....never kissed another woman never mind been unfaithful so no guilty feelings to consider. I do have a enlarged prostate but it hasnt affected anything ( can still pee ok) and am type 2 diabetic ( but not overwieght 5"7 and 12 stones)
Tried a cock ring but that didnt keep me hard enough for penetration! I have been prescribed viagra by my gp so that will be my next step, a little worried that wont work either!...is my head the biggest problem do you think if so how do you get around it??
I wouldn't like to rule out a psychological barrier here. I don't get a positive feeling about trying viagra. All you can do is try different things and try to stay positive. Maybe you could take a step back from penetrative sex until you're in a better mind set.
+1. My O.H. suffers and has tried viagra it did nothing for him. We have found relaxing taking our time not always having PIV sex works. We both know it's in his head. ( His ex it appears was not a caring lover. And it would seem very closed minded ) however with time and No pressure we can and do have a very enjoyable sex life. I've introduced oral sex to him. For which he will be eternally grateful! As well as toys so he knows I don't expect it to be PIV all the time.
Diabetes can play a part too as diabetes can effect nerves / nerve endings. So that could be the cause. Good luck. X
I am sure many members will be on hand to offer some great advice.
Can I ask have you tried a pump? This is something many doctors recommend when having medical issues such as enlarged prostate and diabetes. You can also combine the pump with the use of a cock ring. We have some pump information here:
Don't disregard the prostate the diabetic side of things too. Have you had a recent MOT (medical check up)? Also, are you on any medication for the above? Do you take any blood thinners at all?
You may have also become reliant on your own touch and pressure through masturbation, perhaps try to have your partner help with masturbation.
Position yourselves in a way that feels like the right type of touch, like when you touch yourself. The slight difference in pressure can make all the difference to your sexual cycle as your brain plays a huge role in arousal.
If you feel it is in your head there are therapists who specialise in sexual health and medical issues to help couples.
If you have a smart phone there is a great app called SAA:
Hey Trev, welcome to the forums. It's quite difficult as a man to actually speak about some of these issues so be proud that your willing to take that first step for you and your partner.
By the sounds of things it's a lot of pressure your putting yourself under to perform and we all get like this from time to time. As Leanne said you can try a pump as this will increase blood flow and make it a little easier to achieve and maintain an erection, but you will need to dig deep in your head and see what's causing the barrier.
A lot of people like to build up a mental scenario in their heads and it slowly spirals, so instead of going into the bedroom just focusing on wether your going to have a few troubles, just focus on what turns you on. Maybe spend some time on the missus by teasing her etc and take the focus away from yourself. As a man iv struggled occasionally and I'm sure others have too, for instance at times when your thinking "why am I not cumming yet" and because you start to build up this huge pressure on yourself to achieve the big O it seems to never happen.
So my suggestion would be to try a pump, and just focus on other things in the bedroom other than anything negative, you need to be 100% relaxed so maybe look if you have any fetishes etc, if you watch a particular type of porn then maybe add a bit of this into your love life.
I have written quite a lot about ED here on LH as I have had intermittent ED for some years now - I'll try to find links in a bit.
There is no doubt that psychological effects play a huge part. If you have just one instance of ED it is almost impossible for you not to think “is it going to happen this time” and that thought is enough to make sure it does. From then on it just feeds on itself.
I can go months without any issue at all and then, out of the blue it happens and I'm doubting myself again. And the degree to which the failure occurs can be total even though, from past experience, from waking with massive morning woodies, etc I know there is no physical reason.
I have found that pelvic floor exercises help. Partly I think this is because a stronger pelvic floor gives you a firmer erection for a given state of arousal and this helps with the psychological aspect - starting penetration with a real throbber gives confidence that it's all going to be OK this time.
Taking the performance pressure off has been good as well. For us this is a strapon that I can put on if ED strikes. It saves all the (usually fruitless) attempts to kick-start an erection that has failed. I can satisfy my wife (which is really the most important thing for me) and often I'm then so turned on I'm able to penetrate and bring myself off without any other pressures.
You say you have been with your wife 30 years - has this happened before?
- if so try and remember it wasn't permanent last time try be patient and do non PIV sex for a while
- if not and your Dr hasn't found anything already mentioned , give the Viagra a try you never know
Have you had blood pressure checked?, high BP can affect erections. Viagra (or Sildenafil by its medical name) can help lower blood pressure if taken regularly
Good luck and as the others have said - try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
I cant really add much to whats already been said.
However if its a psychological issue then perhaps you need to start thinking and try and identify the issue. I had a similar condition some time ago and mine was the fear of getting my wife pregnant. Strange as her chances are pretty much remote due to our ages but because I read some where that a woman can get pregnant if she still has monthlies no matter the age , then that kind of put me off and stayed in my head .She is now slowly going through the change so things are back on track for us.
My point is it could be something as simple as that which is preventing you. But I also think it could be good to discuss this with your GP and also to rule out physical conditions that can also affect .
As a 72 year old who's suffered from ED for a number of years and has hypertension and type 2 diabetes, I'm pretty well placed to comment. I suspect that your problems are part psychological but likely to be medical as well. Type 2 diabetes in particular can really give erection problems.
I would certainly give viagra a try and it's very cheap to buy nowadays. However, levitra (vardenafil) is particularly recommended for type 2 sufferers and for me it works much better than viagra even though it's more expensive (but will be cheaper next year when its patent expires).
Most importantly, I would be very cautious about being put off by people who argue against using drugs which help with ED. They are a solution to a known medical problem, their mechanism is well understood, they generally have few side effects and they have changed many, many lives - mine included!
As a 72 year old who's suffered from ED for a number of years and has hypertension and type 2 diabetes, I'm pretty well placed to comment. I suspect that your problems are part psychological but likely to be medical as well. Type 2 diabetes in particular can really give erection problems.
I would certainly give viagra a try and it's very cheap to buy nowadays. However, levitra (vardenafil) is particularly recommended for type 2 sufferers and for me it works much better than viagra even though it's more expensive (but will be cheaper next year when its patent expires).
Most importantly, I would be very cautious about being put off by people who argue against using drugs which help with ED. They are a solution to a known medical problem, their mechanism is well understood, they generally have few side effects and they have changed many, many lives - mine included!
Good luck!
vardenafil levitra
This is great advice, as much as I hate taking drugs, in some cases needs must, and you still need to want to have sex to get an erection.
I had an issue some years back, there was a mishap with a girlfriend and I was "injured"! After that I struggled to get and stay hard with her. We parted ways eventually and the problem persisted with my next partner but I went to see a sex therapist about it and she asked if my partner would attend which was fine. She ended up giving us 3 months of sensate focus excercises. The idea is you remove all performance pressure and slowly build back up to it. Was supposed to wait the full three months before we had intercourse again but after six weeks I was ready and never had an issue since.
Sometimes mind, breaking the flow to put a condom on isn't that nice and can cause a bit of deflation lol, but just get your partner to incorporate the condom into foreplay so it's not an interruption.
that states "The pelvic floor muscles are active in normal erectile function" and goes on to discuss the effectiveness in trials. Like almost everything medical there are lots of surveys with different results.
The activity of two muscles is involved in transforming a mild erection into a servicable stiffy. I posted a bit about this here:-