Erection issues

Sex Tips & Talk
1

For those of you who remember the last thread I started, I have been struggling with porn addiction this year, more specifically getting erections without porn to help me out. I had sex again a couple of days ago after a two month break and I started off with the same problems I had last time, it all changed through when I started foreplay on her. I almost instantly became as hard as I should be and from that point on I was back to being capable of sex. I did have a couple of up and down moments which were recoverable, but it was a turn around from before.

I had sex again later that evening and only lost my erection once during a position change, which came back fairly quickly.

This is a big improvement from the issues I had a couple of months ago, but I still don't know if my problems are gone. In my youth I could constantly stay hard from as soon as I knew I was going to get some action and the woman wouldn't even see me floppy. The only redeeming factor is that in all occasions this year it has been bitterly cold and this may be the root of all the problems I have had this year.

So my questions are whether my problems merely a result of cold weather or do I still have other issues? And do other people have problems with the cold?

I have not been near any porn for two months but I am less sure that my issues are porn related.

2

It could very well be an issue with the cold, or even mild temperature changes.

Whilst I've not experienced issues with the cold, I have had similar with heat.

The physchological can play a part but I wouldn't worry about it until you've explored all the environmental options. Something as simple as maintaing an erection as you turn down the temperature in the shower could give you a few hints, that's how I found out my own limitations when it comes to heat.

Hope this helps a little, and don't lose sight of the massive changes and improvements you've made in beating your addiction, keep to the positive.

3

Mine srivels away to nowt when it's cold but I do like to put it somewhere warm

4

As a woman you can't help but feel it's you, my partner has had times when he goes soft and then I can arouse him some more and other times when he's over thinking it and it loses all life for that session.

Have you got any advice for me? It's hard not to take it personally as it hasn't happened to him before and we are pretty new. We have lots of sex and he always makes sure that I get my pleasure too but it's definitely more mental, probably just the same as when I can't cum for whatever reason.

He's in his early 40s, is that just what happens as you get older?

5

Gem276 wrote:

As a woman you can't help but feel it's you, my partner has had times when he goes soft and then I can arouse him some more and other times when he's over thinking it and it loses all life for that session.

Have you got any advice for me? It's hard not to take it personally as it hasn't happened to him before and we are pretty new. We have lots of sex and he always makes sure that I get my pleasure too but it's definitely more mental, probably just the same as when I can't cum for whatever reason.

He's in his early 40s, is that just what happens as you get older?

Yep as you get older its more difficult to keep going. Its natures way of making sure there arn't too many older fathers . As you get older you will find toys become more important and sex in otherways other than penatrative sex.

Its just part of the natural aging process but it doesn't mean you have to miss out on the fun

6

I don't mean to pry, but are you in a long term relationship? I have had similar issues recently, where on occassion, my erections let me down.

So I put in down to the fact that I may not find sex exciting anymore, which is why we now actively use and seek new toys and explore ne scenarios.

I might seem like I'm saying something that you've tried before - but it works for me.

In terms of reaction to cold, an erection is merely blood filling the tissue in your penis. I would say that getting under the covers and getting hot and sweaty during foreplay might help the blood flow?

It is important not to worry and be anxious about this - you are fine because you are able to get an erection, meaning you don't suffer from a reduced libido. It's now about cancelling out external factors that may affect your erections.

Hope any of this helps.

7

Sexanalyist wrote:

I don't mean to pry, but are you in a long term relationship? I have had similar issues recently, where on occassion, my erections let me down.

So I put in down to the fact that I may not find sex exciting anymore, which is why we now actively use and seek new toys and explore ne scenarios.

I might seem like I'm saying something that you've tried before - but it works for me.

In terms of reaction to cold, an erection is merely blood filling the tissue in your penis. I would say that getting under the covers and getting hot and sweaty during foreplay might help the blood flow?

It is important not to worry and be anxious about this - you are fine because you are able to get an erection, meaning you don't suffer from a reduced libido. It's now about cancelling out external factors that may affect your erections.

Hope any of this helps.

I am not in a long term relationship and I never really have been. The cold and the fact that I'd just got off a plane are the main common factors. I have no doubt that I needed to be more sexually aroused, so the point about not being excited enough about sex is probably right.

My problem now is managing things like porn and masturbation. I thought porn was the root of my problems at first. Now I am thinking that having heating up and edging soon before may be the answer. My point is that I don't know what started my problems or how to control them.

I don't know if I have mentioned this before but I am not a particularly sexually experienced guy which may also work against me.

8

flaneur wrote:

I don't know if I have mentioned this before but I am not a particularly sexually experienced guy which may also work against me.

Are you nervous at all during sex or stressed? I find myself struggling with erections when I was nervous/stressed/anxious even if the cause wasn't sex itself (e.g. Work worries). I sometimes put a lot of pressure on myself to perform and that sometimes killed my erections.
9

In my experience the fact that you're not sexually experienced would only count against you if you're nervous.

If you watch porn - I would watch it less because it can affect your libido. Empytying the old sack too often to porn may count against you.

Porn is nothing like real sex - and this may subconciously affect you when you are having sex - that it's not going like a porn clip? Try watching female friendly porn which gives you a more realistic sexual image.

Whatever the problems are, you have to experiment what works and doesn't work for you. And try to be upfront about your sexual inexperience with your partners. Sounds daunting, but I'm sure the woman your with would be determined to knock that experience into you, if you know what I mean?

;)

10

mysteron wrote:

Gem276 wrote:

As a woman you can't help but feel it's you, my partner has had times when he goes soft and then I can arouse him some more and other times when he's over thinking it and it loses all life for that session.

Have you got any advice for me? It's hard not to take it personally as it hasn't happened to him before and we are pretty new. We have lots of sex and he always makes sure that I get my pleasure too but it's definitely more mental, probably just the same as when I can't cum for whatever reason.

He's in his early 40s, is that just what happens as you get older?

Yep as you get older its more difficult to keep going. Its natures way of making sure there arn't too many older fathers . As you get older you will find toys become more important and sex in otherways other than penatrative sex.

Its just part of the natural aging process but it doesn't mean you have to miss out on the fun

Sexanalyist wrote:

I don't mean to pry, but are you in a long term relationship? I have had similar issues recently, where on occassion, my erections let me down.

So I put in down to the fact that I may not find sex exciting anymore, which is why we now actively use and seek new toys and explore ne scenarios.

I might seem like I'm saying something that you've tried before - but it works for me.

In terms of reaction to cold, an erection is merely blood filling the tissue in your penis. I would say that getting under the covers and getting hot and sweaty during foreplay might help the blood flow?

It is important not to worry and be anxious about this - you are fine because you are able to get an erection, meaning you don't suffer from a reduced libido. It's now about cancelling out external factors that may affect your erections.

Hope any of this helps.

Thanks Mysteron, a brilliant help as always x

11

Irie wrote:

flaneur wrote:

I don't know if I have mentioned this before but I am not a particularly sexually experienced guy which may also work against me.
Are you nervous at all during sex or stressed? I find myself struggling with erections when I was nervous/stressed/anxious even if the cause wasn't sex itself (e.g. Work worries). I sometimes put a lot of pressure on myself to perform and that sometimes killed my erections.

I haven't generally felt anything worse during sex than I have at any other times during the day. I was a little bit tired on both occasions but didn't think it could be anything more than a minor factor. On the first occasion I tried masturbating again later that night and had no problems at all.

I am convinced that lack of arousal is a factor and the cold is too. Work worries don't affect me severely during masturbation anyway.

12

Sexanalyist wrote:

In my experience the fact that you're not sexually experienced would only count against you if you're nervous.

If you watch porn - I would watch it less because it can affect your libido. Empytying the old sack too often to porn may count against you.

Porn is nothing like real sex - and this may subconciously affect you when you are having sex - that it's not going like a porn clip? Try watching female friendly porn which gives you a more realistic sexual image.

Whatever the problems are, you have to experiment what works and doesn't work for you. And try to be upfront about your sexual inexperience with your partners. Sounds daunting, but I'm sure the woman your with would be determined to knock that experience into you, if you know what I mean?

;)

I agree about the lack of experience counting against me. I am probably going to try and limit porn and masturbation to see what happens. As for the cold, I shouldn't have that issue again until later on in the year.

For a slight positive, the frequency of erections has been higher in the last seven days since I had sex.

13

Hi flaneur 👋👋 WB

14

Hi sub, good to see you about.

15

Erectile Dysfunction issues can be pschological, if a man can maintain an erection during masturbation or wakes up with a hard-on but can not fully erect during sexual intercourse with their partner, then the chances of the ED issue being Psychological are pretty high.

Main causes to the psychological ED issues are:

  • Depression
  • Relationship issues
  • Anxiety

I didn't see the original thread or I do not know your full history but why did you delve into porn so hard (no pun intended), what drove you to that? If you can work out that issue, then you are onto working out why you are not full sustaining an erection. It could simply be that your mind needs to recondition it's self to perform with human interaction, rather than visual TV types.

Good luck x

16

Blueeyes82 wrote:

Erectile Dysfunction issues can be pschological, if a man can maintain an erection during masturbation or wakes up with a hard-on but can not fully erect during sexual intercourse with their partner, then the chances of the ED issue being Psychological are pretty high.

Main causes to the psychological ED issues are:

  • Depression
  • Relationship issues
  • Anxiety

I didn't see the original thread or I do not know your full history but why did you delve into porn so hard (no pun intended), what drove you to that? If you can work out that issue, then you are onto working out why you are not full sustaining an erection. It could simply be that your mind needs to recondition it's self to perform with human interaction, rather than visual TV types.

Good luck x

The answer is fairly simple for that, I have a strange (not violent or sick) fetish which I ignored for most of my life. Then after a long time without a relationship, I started embracing my fetish. After I started this I wasn't far away from being able to climax just from cleaning my cock in the shower. I then kept enjoying my fetish and added sex toys and was enjoying whole new levels of pleasure. I did eventually start going through the desensitisation phase when I returned to being normal after a while still getting pleasure with toys and fetish based porn.

I know that this sounds similar to how drug addicts get addicted. If you're wondering why I didn't see the signs, it's because I felt like I was just getting the same pleasure people in a physical relationship get without the need for another person. So I had replaced relationships with a fetish and a load of sex toys.

After I had sex after a break of many years, I found it difficult to get and stay hard, and I was glad when I had finished, but it left me wondering why I wasn't really turned on when I got to put an end to a long time without sex. It wasn't long before I had come to the conclusion that it was down to how I got my pleasure.

For the last two months I have been avoiding all kinds of porn. Last week just before I was going to have sex again, I felt cold and flacid. I tried to get hard with my hand without success, but I looked at my old material on my phone and got hard again pretty easily. I decided to have my phone ready during sex this time in case I needed it. When I had sex later on, I started with the same issues, but after I started foreplay on her I was then rock hard, and when I had sex again that night, it went well too.

Once the night was over I was glad that I'd had successful sex twice. I still don't know exactly what my problem was. I was convinced that it was the porn, but it doesn't explain why I returned to being functional as soon as I started foreplay on her.

17

Can I ask if you have enjoyed your fetish as part of sex ? (I think I know what it is as I've remembered from an old thread). Would you find sex more arousing and exciting if this was part of it.....if it isnt ?

I can understand your concern but it does sound to me as though you're overthinking it all, which in itself could be a part of the problem. Sex doesn't have to be about you staying hard for ages. Enjoy other things. fingers, oral. toys, massage etc. Try different places for spontaneous sex so that you're not actually thinking about it as much before hand. You say that once the night was over you were glad you had successful sex twice and I'm sure you were....but it almost sounds like you thought you sitting an exam ! Its meant to be enjoyable, not worrying and stressful. Let go of the importance of you being and staying hard (easier said than done I know) and concentrate on making it enjoyable for both of you xx

18

Would you be ok with sharing what your fetish is?

19

Sounds as though your putting pressure on yourself to stay away from your fetish.

Probably the reason u had two successful sessions was beacuse in your head you had that back up plan (your phone)

20

@TerriJJ I haven't told anyone about my fetish to their face and I wouldn't be able to involve it in sex. I can have sex without becoming too emotionally attached, but if it involved my fetish I probably couldn't. So I wouldn't go there unless I thought they were the one.

You may be right about over thinking sex. This is caused by me suddenly finding it difficult to get hard which has been challenging to deal with.

@Blueeyes82 I've never discussed my fetish before other than in a forum devoted to it. It involves a kind of female domination anyway.

@sassykitten;) I thought that staying away from my fetish was the cure for my ED. I'm not sure if the phone as backup was the reason, because me doing foreplay on her was the point where things turned around. As far as my fetish goes, I don't know whether to manage or abstain entirely. I'm sure that multiple daily masturbation which I did in the past is a bad idea.