Me and. Y other half has been together 10 years. Now I don't mind him pleasuring himself but last night he was doing it in the bedroom whilst I was asleep well it woke me up he shot off the floor into bed. Am I silly to be hurt he hasn't touched me in ages and I am starting to lose attraction now. I am knyl 4dt 10 and have a little bit of a tummy on me but am trying to excrise and eat healthier but this has but me in a really downer today.
The main thing is to talk to him about it don’t feel that it is you that’s at fault or him ? If you do not talk it through with him you will never know, it may be nothing I do not think you should be feeling down and to worry about it with having the conversation, talk it through and see where it takes you 😘 good luck
It's the shooting up off the floor onto the bed I would have the issue with.
Gazza is so right. Talking about your issues (not just this one) in a non-judgemental way is the way forward here. These won't be easy conversations, but they need to be had.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been hurt by this. It sucks to feel excluded! It’s difficult on the other hand, to know why he hasn’t paid you much attention. It’s quite likely not for the reasons you’ve assumed! Perhaps he finds it difficult to talk about or initiate sex? Or perhaps he has a particular fantasy or kink that he’s embarrassed to discuss? Perhaps he’s depressed or stressed? I have no way of knowing these things, but hopefully you might be able to work it out with him. Masturbation is a healthy, normal thing to do, but it sounds like it would be really good for you to understand why he doesn’t focus more on both of your pleasures. Talking through it in a positive, supportive way, and being open to him expressing his sexuality without shaming would be a great approach in my opinion. In my own marriage, being heard, understood, and feeling desired, is a sure-fire way to reignite the passion. Good luck!
1 Like
Maybe he was just shocked at you catching him having a crafty wank instead of waking you? Do you have young kids, stressful jobs, or just not make time for each other? You need to talk it through, you say he hasn't made a move for ages, but have you rebuffed him in the past? Do you make moves on him? You say you have a bit of a belly, but is it your lack of body confidence that's putting a damper on things? As stated previously, talk it over with him.
Hey there thanks everyone I am going to talk to him. Its not that I mind him doing it at all it's more the shock of him doing it in the bedroom next to the bed when I was asleep that upsets me. We have recently talked about toys so maybe it's the waiting on that. I have recently been very girly recently (Totm) so maybe that why. We ate definitely a bit stressed we have a little one at home who's up all day and doesn't stop at all. I've rebuffed him once in our reelationship but not recently. I've never made a move on him no that's due to me unfortunately I don't know how to. I bought a Teddy
Misamisa wrote:
I've never made a move on him no that's due to me unfortunately I don't know how to. I bought a Teddy
Assuming you don't mean that you bought a teddy bear, just put it on and surprise him with a caress or two and say something like "I bought this for you - I hope you like it"...
I hope you get things sorted!
1 Like
Misamisa, it certainly seems to me, that you need to talk, make time for yourselves (not easy with a child i know) and maybe make a move on him. As for saying you don't know how, just put the Teddy on and tell/ask him straight, it's that simple! I ber he doesn't need asking twice.
WillC wrote:
Misamisa, it certainly seems to me, that you need to talk, make time for yourselves (not easy with a child i know) and maybe make a move on him. As for saying you don't know how, just put the Teddy on and tell/ask him straight, it's that simple! I ber he doesn't need asking twice.
This!
Doesn't always apply, but the "average" man (particularly in NZ where I'm from) are pretty crap at reading signals or interpreting hints, outright always works. As for how to come on to him or initiate sex
Have you tried grabbing his crotch when watching tv or, grabbed his hand and brought it to your own? That is a pretty clear signal that sex (in whatever form) is on the cards.
Have you tried leaving sexy notes?
You say your bought a teddy, standing in front of him and stripping down to that would do it for most men.
One thing that could help in the conversation with him, rather than saying "I don't mind you masturbating", implying that he needs your permission to do it, say "I want you to enjoy masturbation as part of our sex life" and then spell out what the other part of it is (e.g mutual masturbation so you can both enjoy it, you could "lend him a hand" from time to time etc).
I try and be perceptive to Mrs Sen's needs, we both work full time and whilst our kids are late teens, she is still very much a mum first, woman/wife second. We have a fairly routine like sex life, making time on the weekend mornings and very much rarely outside of that time (as I say, work, life, kids etc) but that time set aside is our time. It does somewhat remove the pressure of feeling like either of you have to ask for sex (which even in a long term committed relationship can seem like a daunting task) but some don't like the lack of spontenaety (spelling) that this "scheduled sex".
If you have started looking at toys, choose them together. Each spend some time on LH and create a wishlist, then together go through each list / item. This can help the discussion about what excites you or your partner and can open discussions further to expand your sex life.
Good luck
Some great advice on this thread and I hope you can work it out. Just to pick up on your comment about having a bit of a tummy, this is something my wife worries about, as she thinks it will be a turn off for me. But I find it amazing, as I know what her body has been through to produce our three kids. I love her all the more for it. Be confident of how you look, women’s bodies are super sexy in all their different shapes and sizes.
1 Like