So my wife and I are still working towards being more open and active with our sexual practice. I used to be incredibly nervous/repressed with a lot of it and have learned to overcome that now but she is still in that place where I was and supporting her where I can to get through it.
My question is, for anyone whose been there, how do you satisfy that feeling of wanting to be desired and feel incredibly sexy? I’ve bought toys for self play etc and use videos when I need a bit more but nothing quite matches that feeling of raw, animal sex
A lot of the time it’ll be trial and error but try taking small steps to introduce new things into your sex life and see if in turn it helps awaken your wife’s desires more
Nice to know someone else feels the same. Watching sex/life on Netflix helps cause that is a great problem at exploring that feeling and raw passion but then that reminds me and makes me want it more.
I hope your situation improves soon for you but if you have any successes then please let me know
I’ve tried to do small steps and work up based on the things she will tell me she wants to do but after a day or so again her interest just nose dives off a cliff and again nothing happens again for weeks, even then that is only when I make the moves
So I tried buying one of them as a soft way to explore but she found them funnier than erotic which is fine because we are all different.
For the longest time I had accepted that she is just not that way but when she does open up about her drive or desires, she always says she wants to get better with it which is the confusion
When I started having sex at 26, I was very repressed. Due to a repressed background and a mother who told me that nobody would want me, it took GF a long time to break me out of my shell.
I never saw myself as attractive. Still don’t, really. So it wasn’t so much about feeling desired as it was absorbing the idea that being desired was actually possible. I nearly ran away from her when we first met…partly because she acted a bit odd and was sniffing me and circling me. But I thought she was super hot…my one chance to catch a girl of her level. So I ignored the crazy vibes and we started dating.
First sex took longer. She had to convince me that I was safe, that she wasn’t just going to dump me afterwards. My husband tells me that she really loves me, because she’d never put that much time into somebody before. Once we started having sex, it took close to 2 years for me to really get into it. Being with my GF and my sister and joining my husband’s family finally solved some of my vulnerability issues. Some might feel threatened by multiple partners, but for me being in the middle was the answer to the fear of abandonment and unwantedness.
It isn’t so much about what to do or what techniques or toys to use as it is about generating a feeling of security. I’m not sure what your wife’s love language(s) might be, or what makes her feel secure enough to accept the thought of desire. Not sure what issues she might be carrying from her past.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, always appreciate what others have been through.
So I’m very aware of that emotional side of things and always encourage conversation about things and support with any challenges that come up, such as helping her deal with her anxiety and pressures in life such as work, people etc but none of them seem to resonate with the intimacy issues
