At the beginning of my relationship with my OH sex seemed to last quite a while and I could have many orgasms during one session. The first few times my boyfriend found it hard to orgasm (probably just because of nerves), but then things got more relaxed and the sex was fantastic! We could both go for a long time and it would result in many orgasms for me and a powerful orgasm for him!
But now it feels like the roles have reversed. I am finding it much more difficult to orgasm through masturbation, foreplay and sex, and my OH now seems to orgasm much quicker (after 10-15 minutes, rather than after 30-35 minutes). The sex still feels pleasurable, even though I barely get as wet as I used to. My OH is very kind and not selfish at all! Even after he has had an orgasm he uses his hands and toys to try to make me cum.
I’m going through a stressful time at the moment, and I changed my contraceptive pill to Yasmin 4 months ago. This pill seems to have made me much more horny than I was on my last pill, so I’m not sure if it is the pill that is making it harder for me to orgasm.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation, or is there something really wrong here? And what can I do to make him last longer/make myself orgasm quicker?
I think it is fair to say that anything can potentially affect your sex drive and your ability to orgasm including stress and change in medication/contraception.
I'd suggest first to try not to worry about it as this could further add to the stress and frustrations in wanting to orgasm faster etc and it can become counterproductive. I think you should also speak to your GP or to the GUM clinic about the potential side effect of the new pill and if it's possible to perhaps change it? Althought it may just be a temporary effect.
I'm not sure about delay creams! I don't want my OH to be offended (he doesn't know that I wish he would last longer!) Do you think he would know if i gave him a delay condom without telling him?
Also, I'm not thinking of going back to my GP/nurse just yet! I've changed pills quite a few times throughout the past few years, and this orgasm problem seems to be the only down-side to my new pill. But I will definitely keep it in mind!
I'm going to look into the female orgasm products. My and my partner have both mentioned how difficult it is to make me orgasm lately, so at least I can have fun experimenting with different products!!
Does anyone else have any tips or advice for me? I'm at a bit of a loss at the moment, and very sexually fustrated!
I had this happen once - was luckily only for a couple of days, and was because I was stupidly over-tired and stressed - and I found that, with my partner being more than happy to keep going until I came, I was feeling more and more guilty that he was 'having' to do that instead of just snuggling up, and of course that just made it harder as I was stressing myself more, and made him laugh as I'd start apologising like a pleb.
I think first step is to stop thinking that it relates to him at all. Trying to make him last longer doesn't necessarily mean that he's too fast, just that he needs to be slower to match you. You say you've both recognised that something's wrong on your end, so as long as you're approaching it from the angle that the delay cream or whatever is to help you with your issue, and nothing to do with him having any issues, there's no reason for him to be offended. I've never tried any of them, so won't advise you on the do's and don'ts for that, but the one thing I will say is to not be tempted to sneak a delay condom in or some such: the deception will probably make you more antsy as you wait to see if he notices, and that plus the guilt of lying to him (lying through omission still counts!) is likely to make your problem worse.
Do look into adding creams and toys to enhance your own pleasure. Maybe something like a cock ring to provide you with added stimulation while keeping him harder for longer? That's a lot less invasive than many toys, and might even have an effect on both of ye, so ye can meet in the middle so to speak.
Other than that, all I can say is to try and stop focusing on the orgasm. The more you see it as an aim or goal, the farther away it will get. Try to focus on enjoying the sex, and it might sneak up on you. easier said than done, but keep it in mind that it's not all about the big finish.
I think sometimes people think that sex goes in stages, and that once you get to penetration you are committed and that's what you'll be doing untill someone cums.
Maybe you could try penetration for a while, then switch to manual or toys or oral for a while, then back to penetration, rince and repeat ect. This would give you a chance to get more stimulation while giving him a rest from the constant stimulation to himself.
Or just varying speed. I was thinking that maybe he could stay inside you but thrust or move gently while a toy or hand is being used on you. =)
BashfulBabe wrote: Maybe something like a cock ring to provide you with added stimulation while keeping him harder for longer?
Thanks for the tip!
We have used a cock ring on 2 occasions before, and it felt really good for both of us! I suggested using one the other day, but he didn't really want to. Sometimes he just isn't in the mood to be more kinky and adventurous, and I don't feel like I can straight out ask him sometimes, because I want the sex to be good for him too, and he wouldn't be happy if he felt like he was pushed into using a cock ring when he didn't want to.
Pixieking wrote: switch to manual or toys or oral for a while, then back to penetration, rince and repeat ect. This would give you a chance to get more stimulation while giving him a rest from the constant stimulation to himself.
Switching from penetration to other things is a good idea! I will try that next time me and my OH have sex!
We wont be seeing each other for 2 weeks, so I want to have lots of different ideas etc to spice up the sex next time we are together!
I think that my stress is having a huge effect on me. I haven't felt very sexy or fun for the past month or so, but hopefully my stress will reduce and then I can concentrate on having fun, rather than worrying about things and worrying about whether i'm going to be able to orgasm when I'm with my OH!
I was thinking that maybe he could stay inside you but thrust or move gently while a toy or hand is being used on you. =)
I have been having problems with orgasming lately (i think because of new medication), but as Pixieking says the introduction of a toy (a bullet in my case) whilst the OH was penetrating me helped in no time!
Kasumi wrote: I have been having problems with orgasming lately (i think because of new medication), but as Pixieking says the introduction of a toy (a bullet in my case) whilst the OH was penetrating me helped in no time!
Thanks! I have a bullet somewhere, so I'll definitely have a hunt around for it before I get to see my partner again! :D
Hello again, I thought I'd post again on here because there have been new developments.
Over the past few days I have been very horny, and it has been easier for me to orgasm by myself. I have to do it at least 3 times just so that I can actually focus on my work!
My boyfriend, on the other hand, isn't being sexual or flirty with me at all. We will see each other in about a week, but no matter how hard I try to encourage him to even talk to me about anything sexual, he just laughs, says a few comments and then moves on to talk about something else.
I have sent him a naughty photo, and said flirty things to get him to react, but he doesn't really seem too interested.
He tells me every day that he loves me etc, but when it comes to the sexual things he doesn't really talk about it as much as he used to. We've only been together for just under a year, surely the sexual side of our relationship can't be 'winding down' already?!
I really think I will find it easier to orgasm during sex with him if i just relax and maybe bring some new lubes and toys into the bedroom...but I'm now worrying that I won't even get him into the bedroom anyway!
I know he loves me and definitely doesn't want to break up..but how do I get him to respond to my sexual comments?
Do you think that I could have scared him off by not being able to orgasm as much with him lately?
Hi LED, at least you've been finding it easier to orgasm, a positive thing I'd say!
I don't think you've scared your OH off, sometimes one partner just has a lower sex drive. Often it is down to medication or hormones, sometimes it may be due to other things like being tired or perhaps something is on his mind.
He might have some problem he is worried about or it could just be something really simple, he might not even realise it has been happening!
I think talking to him about it is the best way forward. Explain to him that it is not a joke, it is something that is important to you and that is upsetting you, let him know that you want to discuss it properly as a couple.
Satoshi wrote: I think talking to him about it is the best way forward. Explain to him that it is not a joke, it is something that is important to you and that is upsetting you, let him know that you want to discuss it properly as a couple.
Thanks Satoshi.
Do you think that the conversation should be face to face?
We wont be seeing each other for at least a week, so I'm not sure if it is something that we can discuss on the phone. I find it much harder to convey messages through phone conversations.
Seeing my partner's body language and facial expressions may make it a bit easier for me to assess whether he is comfortable with the conversation, or whether he is filtering his thoughts etc.
I really want to be able to deal with this in a sensible way, and don't want to risk upsetting him on the phone or making him uncomfortable or angry without me being there to comfort him and explain things to him properly.
Also, our phone conversations rarely last 5 minutes because he never has been very good at talking on the phone without getting distracted!!
In my opinion serious matters should always be discussed in person if possible, as you said - body language and expressions are very important and a cuddle can go a very long way
Also, if you aren't seeing him for a week then you wont need to worry about the issue until then anyway!
I think you should stop focusing so much on your or his orgasm. As mentioned stress or work pressure is a huge factor. Just have a little kiss and cuddle for a week and soon enough you will both be ready. The more you ponder the troubles of not being able to come/coming too fast, the worse it gets xxxx
I think you should stop focusing so much on your or his orgasm. As mentioned stress or work pressure is a huge factor. Just have a little kiss and cuddle for a week and soon enough you will both be ready. The more you ponder the troubles of not being able to come/coming too fast, the worse it gets xxxx
Thanks. I'll try to relax more the next time I see him.
I probably am just focusing on our orgasms too much. I've just never had this problem before and I didn't know how to sort it out.
Once we have a discussion about our relationship and my problems, everything should be out in the open and we can then focus on having fun and enjoying our time together!
Once we have a discussion about our relationship and my problems, everything should be out in the open and we can then focus on having fun and enjoying our time together!
