First time subbing for my wife

[SubCharles]

Congratulations! Sounds like you’re at the start of a great journey.

I only speak from experience of my relationship with my other half. I told her of my submissive desires slowly and tried to add the odd toy / restraint in. She seemed to be game for it so we experimented a bit more slowly but surely mainly myself suggesting things. The other option would’ve been me to sit down with her and say I really want to try all of these things, what do you think? But that wasn’t going to happen. I’d been single a long time, we were only been together for a few months and we are both naturally quite shy.

My only real tips is to make sure you walk before you can run and really try and think about one or two things which in your mind really turn you on and try baby steps towards that. For instance the idea of my OH really humiliating me turns me on but I know that’s unlikely to happen so I’ve gently asked if she’d be comfortable with occasionally speaking down to me etc which she says she enjoys.

Practically I’d suggest looking on LH with her (or if she wants you to surprise her) look on your own at a few outfits with a BDSM twist you think she’d look good in. Although obviously you don’t need the clothes to be dominant.

Beyond all feel really lucky you’ve found a partner willing to embrace your submissive side and even if she won’t go as far as in your mind you’d want her to, just be grateful she’s going further than a lot of people would (and no judgment made against those who don’t want to embrace this side).

Just a final thing. There’s a lot or talk about aftercare for the submissive which is obviously important but after we play I always really focus on her and make sure she’s ok and explain how amazing she was, how beautiful she looked and how grateful I am. And I try and make sure I only make the kinky sex every so often so she gets her vanilla fill too.

[ScorpioDaddy]

@SubCharles thank you for sharing your experience, some really good advice here. I actually bought her some of the LH fierce/wet look stuff that came with cuffs and that may have been one of the initial dipping of our toes in the water. I definitely agree with taking things slow and not getting in above our heads or comfort levels, but luckily we both seem to be pretty excited at some of the novelty of all this. I should reiterate that we’ve both talked about how we are likely both switches and that she tends to be more submissive whereas I tend to be more dominant, and I definitely still have some scenes and such in my mind where I am the one in control, but it’s been so wonderful to finally flip the script and experience this stuff as well. I just bought some fetish wear for myself and can’t wait for it to arrive and for her to grab me by the harness and have her way with me.

And yes, I do feel very lucky and, like you, like to compliment my wife and focus on her afterwards. I’ve recently told her that I appreciate how she is making so many of my fantasies come to life and how she genuinely seems to enjoy them as well.

[Sexterminator]

I hear you. My wife has a similar history with exes who were very domineering and controlling, as well as constantly putting her down. So as a natural submissive, it was easy for me to hand the reins over to her sexually and rectify that power balance. One might argue that I’m getting the raw end of the deal with being, “her b*tch” (in the misogynistic vernacular), but nothing could be further from the truth. My wife has blossomed with her overall confidence and self-esteem, and now cannot imagine a life without me in it. And for my part, I enjoy an intimacy and closeness with her that is truly mindblowing. There are no downsides to this, for us at least.