Hi, hope someone can explain this for me. I am married to the most amazing man and our sex life is great, we like to try out different sextoys. I have just found out that he have bought a fleslight without telling me…I am not sure what to think about it. Any men here who have bought a flesligh and not told his partner? And whats the reason behind it
Could be something he was curious about trying alone during masturbation before suggesting you use it on him.
Did he buy it before you both got into toys or after?
Best advice would be to have a calm, non judgemental conversation with him and see if theres something you could help him with etc
Hello and welcome @MrsClark1
What sex toys do you normally buy? Maybe he just fancied one of his own? Is there an issue with him buying things for himself?
Like @zombifiedguy said, you’d need to talk to him about it really.
He bought it after.
No, there are any issue him buying things for himself. I am just suprised, thats all
Have you spoken to your husband? He’s the only one who can tell you why he decided to buy it.
I bought one when I was working abroad a lot and never told my wife with no intention of deception.
I suppose it just depends at what stage your relationship is at (and the two of you). For the past ten or more years I have always involved my partner in toy buying but twenty years ago - no.
I purchased one without my partner knowing years ago. She wasn’t very happy to start with and said it’s like I was cheating on her, but what’s the difference between a woman having dildos and vibrators shaped and sometimes even moulded off real penises ? She has started using them on me and has purchased 3 for me since then.
I wouldn’t try look into it too much as he probably was intrigued to try one out but didn’t want you to think anything of it so said nothing at the time
Well, there are no difference between woman having a dildos and men having their sex toys, I totally get that. My issue is buying a sextoy without telling your partner. Maybe I am about sensitive, thats all
Thanks for the reply
I will speak to him
Maybe he felt like he couldn’t tell you he wanted one ?
I would highly recommend having a chat with him about things. Personally if he’s anything like me in it toys and just keep them under the radar from the wife as I only really keep it for ‘alone time.’
Once you have spoken perhaps suggest helping him out sometime using it. I know when my wife did that I loved it
I have one and use it when the OH is not available or not interested, people have different sex drives. I wouldn’t pick it over her at any point, but it does have a place. I wouldn’t over thing it and as discussed have a calm discussion.
Some people just feel funny about these things - silly/embarrassed/intrigued.
A bit like how some straight guys feel about having anal.
Worried they may be judged or something.
I get where you are coming from, it’s just the fact that he didn’t tell you - like as if you would have reacted badly.
I would say that if you confront him, it may seem like there’s a problem. So instead, maybe offer to help him use it or say you would like to have a try as it looks interesting.
Get him to open up and talk to you about the toys so it becomes more ‘normal’ then he may not feel he has to hide them in future.
Maybs ask him if there’s anything else he fancies trying like a butt toy get him to feel comfortable talking about these things.
As always @Cupc8kes has hit the nail on the head I think. There could be any number of reasons why he didn’t say anything. My first butt plug was a secret purchase cause I wasn’t sure how she would feel about it (this was before I came out btw so it was v much “why would a straight man like it in the butt” reaction I was worried about). When she found it she was great about it. She asked why I bought it and why I hadn’t said anything and after we talked her exact words were “yeah I’m gonna need to see you take it now”
Moral of the story is I guess, talk to him about it. If it’s not the toy itself that’s the issue then ask why he kept it secret, work out how to deal with that in future and reassure him it’s okay. And let’s be real, watching your partner use toys is super hot so it could be a fun revelation!