hi, im new here but there is an issue thats been bugging me for a while. my partner has invested in quite a few fleshlights, now i know this is proberbly gona make me sound like a complete looney but its really got me down. its knocked my confidence as its made me feel like ive had to take a back step and become second best. all he ever seems to do is talk to other people about how much it satisfies his lower region, discussed in quite erotic detail i must add. yet i never hear him talking that way about me. am i just being stupid, someone please help, its really affecting me.
Hello I'm new here as well,welcome I might be a bit of a prune but what is fleshlights? as I say new to this scene so I'm really a verging at this.
You're not a looney, this is a totally normal and common reaction when one partner builds a collection of sex toys. It happens to guys when their lady friend indulges in too many vibrators/dildos as well.
Is he new to sex toys? People tend to have an explosive buying and overusing period when they first discover the joys of sex toys. It levels off in time, but when it happens it definitely can feel like they are replacing their partner.
Just a thought, but perhaps he talks about the Fleshlights in such detail and not you because he respects you and doesn't want people to know everything that happens between the two of you? I certainly do this, I talk about sex toys to my friends a lot and they talk to me about theirs, but we never get into any gritty details about what we do with other people because, well, some things are private right?
Fleshlights do feel good, they are designed to do so. Again, I understand the need to talk in detail about all your different Fleshlights and how all the inner textures make a difference to the feeling because I've done it, and I'm a female haha! It's basically technical talk. But while they feel good, it's important to realise that they'll never ever replace the intimacy and warmth that comes with having sex with another person. They don't even feel like sex, they feel like plunging your cock into a well designed but inpersonal textured sleeve. They are not the same, and they are not 'better than the real thing'.
Have you tried using the Fleshlights with him? They're an amazing assistant to us girls to spice up the standard hand job. They're not a solo toy, at the end of the day, they can be used together :)
Have you ever considered sex toys yourself? To put a positive spin on your partner's collection, you have yourself a very open guy in terms of exploring the very exciting world of sex toys. It's the perfect time for you to jump in and see what the fuss is about, if you haven't already. You could both use your toys together. You can set out clear guidelines from the start that you'd like there to be x amount of time where it is just you two, no toys allowed, then the rest of the time you can use the toys on each other, use the toys on yourselves together, use the toys for foreplay, use the toys to finish, etc etc.
Of course, if you have no interest in starting your own collection you could simply let your partner know that you'd prefer the toys to be put away for some of the time that you are together, with the compromise that you will watch him/use one on him at other times to try to get yourself comfortable with them. I wouldn't go as far as telling him that he can only use the toys while you are not around as that is a tad controlling and won't help your insecurity, but you could emphasise that they'll be taking a back seat and be more for when you are not available as really, it's selfish of any partner of any gender to make a sex toy the first choice for their orgasm when they have a partner who feels they are being dunted into second place.
You can even get yourself involved in the solo use when you are not around, if you're up for it, through sending him naughty texts or photographs that he can use as 'inspiration'. He could well be thinking of you while he is using them anyway!
So no, you're not being stupid but it is insecurity talking rather than solid fact. The Fleshlights can't physically replace you and no matter how much he talks about them or how pleasurable they are, it won't cancel out the fact that he still thinks about you and still very much enjoys the intimacy of being with you :)
Lovebirds_x wrote:
But while they feel good, it's important to realise that they'll never ever replace the intimacy and warmth that comes with having sex with another person.
This!
Sex toys are amazing, for both men and women, but they just can't replace intamacy. I don't think you should be worried, just embrace it and use it to your advantage.
thankyou so much for your reply. its definitly made me feel so much better x
Yeah use them on him. Tease him with it. He will love that. 👍🏼