I met a guy friend on an online mental health support group a few years ago and we became fast friends. We’d chat for several hours each time. At one point, he decided to ask if I also felt we had an odd relationship, saying that if he had a girlfriend, he would have felt guilty about us.
I agreed that it was sometimes odd, but I assured him that we were close friends and that I genuinely treasured the friendship. It’s extremely hard for me to find someone I could open up this much to regarding mental health issues. Often, just because two people are struggling with the same issues doesn’t mean they would instantly make a connection. But we did.
Anyway, the conversation didn’t go well. He wouldn’t let the question go no matter what I answered, I got tired of it, he started picking on certain words I said. He lost his temper and said a lot of horrible things to me, called me names, basically just verbally abused me
I asked him to please stop. He refused. I blocked him. After that, weeks later, he reached out again via another social, I thought he had calmed down, but he said he wasn’t sorry and refused to apologize. I felt I deserved better, and heartbreaking as it was, I ended it with him. It simply wasn’t a behavior I was willing to accept.
One year later he texted me something brief like, “hope everything is going okay”. I ignored him.
Another year and a half after that, he texted me a super long very emotional apology, saying that he had behaved that way because our closeness made him uncomfortable. But this apology was littered with so many disclaimers - about how he still didn’t think what he did was wrong, etc. He was basically apologizing that he had hurt me from asking me about the nature of our friendship (which I had already clarified to him multiple times long ago that I was not at all upset about) and not for the fact that he had called me names and said extremely horrible things to me (which is what really hurt me - I did tell him then that this was the reason I was upset)
In his recent text, he said he was worried and just wanted to know that I was alive and well.
Emotionally, I’ve moved on from this friendship. 2.5 years is long enough. I do wish him the best but I do not trust him anymore and therefore I really don’t want to have anything to do with him. I don’t understand why he’s now suddenly writing such deeply emotional things to me. It felt weird and not at all validating. I also felt annoyed that he did not acknowledge the barrage of verbal abuse and accusations he had hurled at me.
The thought of even responding, “I’m okay” makes me feel uncomfortable. But one part of me feels bad that someone is worried about me. Then again, I think maybe this is him just having some surge of nostalgia and that it would pass.
What should I do?
