I am new to the forums but I thought this is the best place to vent about this issue. I am a trans man (attracted to men!) who has been on testosterone over 9 months now. I am trying to branch out with toys and exploring myself and while I can orgasm externally with touching myself or vibes, I am incapable of doing it any other way. No guy or toy has ever gotten me there and I am starting to worry that I might be broken! I don’t know if anyone has any tips or if this is simply normal but it would be great to know what the issue might be!
I don’t want this to damage any future relationships with guys as well as being down my own confidence hence why it is important to me.
Hi @Thane Welcome to the forum. I’m not a trans male so I can’t relate from that point of view, I’m biologically female but questioning my gender because I just don’t feel “female” (sorry if thats not the right way to put it but that’s how I think of myself and I guess I’m a bit confused at the moment). I have the same issue regarding orgasms as you, I can orgasm relatively easily using my fingers (and sometimes vibes but fingers are my preference) externally but haven’t found any other ways of orgasming. I can’t orgasm from penetration, vaginally or anally (although I think I have come closer through anal play) and my husband can’t make me orgasm (we’ve tried his fingers externally, vaginal and anal penetration and oral but nothing works).
To be honest I think it is very normal for clitoris owners to only be able to orgasm from clitoral stimulation. It does bother me sometimes but I still enjoy playing with my husband, I just have to take responsibility for my own orgasms! That being said, I’m always on the look out for new suggestions and toys to try. It doesn’t seem to upset my husband either and we’ve been together for 17 years x
What toys have you tried in the past? And do you still get pleasure from using them even if they don’t make you orgasm? A bit more information about what you like might help others to give you some suggestions.
First off gender identity is down to the person. If that’s how you feel then it isn’t incorrect in the slightest. Before I actively became male I did go through feeling very gender neutral so adopting not really any gender at all which I found very comfortable! Maybe you should look into the neutrality a little more (which is the opposite of gender fluidity!)
When it comes to toys I have used different vibes (though ones with increasing speeds are my preference. I have one that I dislike because it just starts off too strong.) and I have tried using dildos, usually smaller with less girth because otherwise I’m just uncomfortable! Ive tried ribbed, ascending girth as well but neither have done it for me.
I hope all that makes sense!
I’m really glad to hear it doesn’t affect your relationship though. I enjoy pleasuring my partner! It literally just becomes an issue when it comes to me.
Have you tried orgasmic breathing?
Placing giggle balls for a while before you plan to properly play?
Perhaps you need a slow build, perhaps a very long warm up. Stimulate your mind as well as your body to really work yourself up before you even start touching.
Perhaps then combining your usual way of orgasming with a way you would like to orgasm.
For example use your fingers as you normally would but have a dildo in place. Do this a number of times then start moving the dildo in time to your rhythm of your fingers. Over the course of weeks, months.
The idea is to open up another neural pathway to orgasming. Our brains can get fixed on one way and it just takes a bit of work to convince it that it can do it other ways.
Soon your body will associate the new way with the pleasure of the old way and eventually you should be able to get pleasure from either way.
To add to the complexity, don’t go in expecting a release, remove the pressure to climax just focus on the sensations.
Every body is different and yours is not broken, we all have a code to unlock and reconnecting your mind with your body will help - if you get mad at your body for not doing something you are pushing yourself further away from finding out how to get it there.
I hope this helps in your considerations.
Welcome
Have you tried relaxing and enjoying the experience instead of stressing and thinking somethings not right because you cant have a hands free orgasm?
I personally, dont know anyone who can, other than what I’ve read on here, and again personally, its hard to believe some of the things ive read on here over the years.
Try a show and tell exercise, where you literally show your partner how you like to be touched.
It helps to describe what you’re feeling physically, literally put their finger on the spot that feels good.
Grind against their fingers so they feel the rhythm you like, describe it because some men are basic creatures and need to be told.
I never had an orgasm through penetration until I met my current partner and even at that, they’re not leg shaking, body convulsing orgasms. They’re mini fireworks, unless my clit is stimulated and then theres a massive firework display.
Penetration with a penis or a dildo while I’m orgasming from clit stimulation, makes my orgasm stronger, the fluttering around the ‘visitor’ makes me pop
So basically, you’re not unusual. Definitely find a good wand, maybe someone can recommend a low power wand. When I masturbate, I start with a clit suction toy and use the 1st and lowest to start a nice build. I have one that is too strong initially, so that would be a 2nd orgasm toy for me, I have to already be well warmed up before I use it or it’s not enjoyable. It feels like an exorcism, like the orgasm is being dragged out of me.
@mrssaffa
I love that you reference neural networking/re-pathing. This is such a new realm of Neurological Study (as in 10 year publication rate post proving through Clinical Trials, however long that takes to prove the validity of a Neurological Trial Vetted statement of fact), that it always thrills me to see another reference this.
And your advice is spot on with regard to what you’ve said so I sincerely hope it helps @Thane
I’ve proven to myself and many many previous partners the effect of pleasure association with one erogenous zone to the stimulation of a “not accepted as a typical erogenous zone body part,” and with a little time and practice have proven to them that the “Not usual erogenous zone,” can in fact be stimulated by itself to the point of orgasm.
Until the “other area,” is tied to the pleasure center response by itself. At which point it becomes an area capable of stimulation to the point of orgasm with no other stimulation.
(Neural re-mapping/pathing of the Brains pleasure centers response to accept different stimuli as pleasure.)
I’m fully aware to most reading this that it sounds like absolute B.S. However, these “neural re-mapping/networking/pathing” concepts are able to be read by many Clinical Psychologists of over 30+ years of Clinical Practice. They just aren’t applied textually to sex and orgasms but they are able to be applied in that manner if you dedicate yourself to working towards that end.
This book is a great place to dip your toe in if you want to understand things that are not yet accepted as psychological fact. I’ve never recommended or lent this book to anyone, who hasn’t said it has changed their lives to the point it scared them. I offer a money back guarantee and will re-buy it from people I tell about it in person and have never once had someone take me up on the offer.
And to be clear, this book is written only with non sexual self benefit as its intended audience. From a Clinical Psychologist of over 30 years of practice who I am in no way associated with other than how this book changed my life post coma.
Welcome to the forum. I’m not a trans male so I can’t relate from that point of view, I’m biologically female but questioning my gender because I just don’t feel “female” (sorry if thats not the right way to put it but that’s how I think of myself and I guess I’m a bit confused at the moment). I have the same issue regarding orgasms as you, I can orgasm relatively easily using my fingers (and sometimes vibes but fingers are my preference) externally but haven’t found any other ways of orgasming. I can’t orgasm from penetration, vaginally or anally (although I think I have come closer through anal play) and my husband can’t make me orgasm (we’ve tried his fingers externally, vaginal and anal penetration and oral but nothing works).
