Hi, i'm new here and recently in a relationship. My bf likes to be spanked hard but i don't want to hurt him. I'm not really into spanking. How should I deal with this? I'm asian, was caned at school so I have some bad memory as well about this.
If you've had a bad experience with spanking/caning, then it's natural for you to be apprehensive about doing these things now. If you don't get anything from it at all and don't enjoy doing it, then you need to communicate that to him. If it upsets you to do something then you shouldn't do it, even if it's something that your partner really likes to have done to them.
If there is a want from you to fulfill his spanking desires, then I think this could actually help you deal with the bad memories. I had a bad sexual experience when I was younger and have actually found exploring things has helped to begin the healing process. If you take a negative memory and turn it into something positive with someone you love, it can change how the activity affects you.
If you are comfortable with spanking him but are worried about hurting him, start slow and build up, spreading the sensation across the area evenly. Have a safe word in place and ask that he use it if he feel he needs to. You can use the traffic light system if necessary to gauge his reactions. Amber means that he's enjoying it, but he's reaching his limits. Red means stop and green means I'm good, continue.
Just to reiterate my main point, don't do it if you're not comfortable with it. It's completely up to you what your limits are and if spanking is one of them, then he will respect that if he loves you.
Hope this helps!
You need to comunicate with him. Tell him your thoughts and feelings on this subject. It could do more harm than good if you dont talk through this.
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My take on this as a reluctant spanker is to give it a go. There is a world of difference to the brutal punishment you endured in you School years and to what your OH craves for. Thankfully Corporal punsishment has now been outlawed in the UK for some time now. If you restrict your session to hand spanking and on target only, you are unlikely to hurt your OH .I would introduce it as part of your role play and keep the spanks to very light and sensual.
^ +1
I do think you should talk it through with your partner and discuss your fears. As Mysteron has said there is a world of difference between corporal punishment and spanking someone you share a loving bond with.
You might find that you actually enjoy it and you may even want to be spanked yourself eventually. It is very much like having an itch you need to scratch, a scab you need to pick sort of thing. Pain can be such a pleasure 😊