There are probably 1000 related posts to this, but non I could find apply to my specific stituation.
My girfriend (25 years old) and I (26) have been together for 3 years and have been living together for 2 years now. We are very happy with eachother and our sex lives.
Unfortunately I am a bit more open minden sexually than my girfriend. This bothers me because a few months ago I have told her about my life long fantasy of being pegged (by someone I love & trust) for the first time. She has fingered and used toys on my butt before. Not because she loved it so much but to please me. I sometimes use a prostate massager when she is not home and she knows about this and is ok with it.
She reacted quite well to my confession, but also immedeatley told me she did't want to do it because she thinks it is weird. Now a few days ago I brought up the subject again and again she told me she did't want to wear a strapon because that wouldn't make her feel sexy. As a matter of fact, I KNOW that will make her look super sexy! (To me atleast)
My question is, how can I convince her that she would look super sexy wearing a strapon? Do I just buy a strapon and ask her to try it on after a few drinks? Should I rest my case for a few moths and try again? Should I shut up about it forever?
I am quite desperate becasue I know what I want and what I like. I just don't want to pressure her into it.
I don't think you should buy one without asking her. Maybe have a couple of drinks and then ask if you could look at strapons together and see if she finds something she could wear.
For the dildo, I think you guys should start out with something that is not realistic which may make her feel better about it.
But if she does not want to, then you might have to wait a bit and see if she will change her mind later. You can always play with yourself in the meantime :)
Sometimes we have to accept things as a hard limit with our partners. We are all slightly different . There are things i would like my Mrs to try, like being more dominant without having to do it in a role play. She has told me its just not her and I have to accept that .
I wouldn't try and coherse into doing it as this could cause some friction or resentment .
What I can suggest you do is that like us about every 6 months do a sex survey on each other and to see if her stance has softened. Sex surveys are very useful tool in setting boundaries and exploring new and exciting things to try.
Agree with the above.....buying one without asking her and then expecting her to use it when she's said it's not for her isnt going to work. And how do you know you're going to like it if you've never tried it ?
Its comfortable and not intimidating. If she's not keen on the idea, then you need to have a long and honest chat about it but at the end of the day...if she dosent want too, she doesn't HAVE to, does she ? x
You can discuss this with her but if it's something she's really not into then perhaps a comprimise of using toys there but not an actual strapon. It's a two way street :)
You can't force her on something she does not want to,because it may cause a counter-effect in your relationship. Every now and then try to talk about it with her.
Welcome to the forums!
You definitely don't buy one that's for sure! It's basically saying to her that you don't care at all how she feels. And asking when she's drunk suggests that you know she doesn't want to but when she's drunk she will be less able to refuse. You say you're desperate because you know what you like and what you want. But a relationship isn't about you and what you want, it about what your partner wants. And in this case she doesn't want. You can't convince her. You can let it be and maybe in the future she'll read something or have urges and ask you about it. But you cannot force her. Imagine for a second she wants something you don't. Like a threes one with another man. Now imagine you tolerate it a bit by letting her play with dildos during sex. And imagine she asks every other months. And imagine she gets you drunk and brings a man over and asks again and maybe because you're drunk you agree, then you wake up in the morning. Would you feel anything other than betrayed and violated? No. Sorry if it's harsh but this kind of question always riles me. "How can I convince my patter to do something they have very clearly said they're not comfortable doing?" You don't. You respect them. I'd love to peg my OH but he doesn't want to, I've tried fingers and such which he enjoys, but has made it clear he won't go further. So I haven't mentioned it for years. And I won't. Because he said no.
You definitely don't buy one that's for sure! It's basically saying to her that you don't care at all how she feels. And asking when she's drunk suggests that you know she doesn't want to but when she's drunk she will be less able to refuse.
You say you're desperate because you know what you like and what you want. But a relationship isn't about you and what you want, it about what your partner wants. And in this case she doesn't want. You can't convince her. You can let it be and maybe in the future she'll read something or have urges and ask you about it.
But you cannot force her.
Imagine for a second she wants something you don't. Like a threes one with another man. Now imagine you tolerate it a bit by letting her play with dildos during sex. And imagine she asks every other months. And imagine she gets you drunk and brings a man over and asks again and maybe because you're drunk you agree, then you wake up in the morning. Would you feel anything other than betrayed and violated? No.
Sorry if it's harsh but this kind of question always riles me. "How can I convince my patter to do something they have very clearly said they're not comfortable doing?" You don't. You respect them.
I'd love to peg my OH but he doesn't want to, I've tried fingers and such which he enjoys, but has made it clear he won't go further. So I haven't mentioned it for years. And I won't. Because he said no.
After what he has told us, the main problem seems to be that she does not feel sexy and comfortable in herself wearing a strapon. She might have the wrong idea of how strapons look nowdays. Therefore it would be good if they looked together and she could decide after that, and then he will respect her decision.
She might find that some strapons don't look so weird and that she could wear one without feeling unsexy.
I just don't think people should be so fast to bash a person, because we don't know the whole story.
You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. She has already fingered you and used toys on you before so you should continue with that if she feels comfortable. Maybe use toys on your own too. Just give her time and experiment with other things first, if you love her you will respect her decision not to use a strap on with you for now!
You can discuss this with her but if it's something she's really not into then perhaps a comprimise of using toys there but not an actual strapon. It's a two way street :)
I have the first one and I LOVE it! Like your gf I initially was a bit hesitant to try pegging. I came round to idea and we bought that one because it is feminine and sexy, rather than being black and "dominatrixy". I also purchased dildos that I liked (I didn't want anything realistic looking) and now I love pegging!
To reiterate what's been said above, if pegging is a hard limit for your partner, then unfortunately no means no and you'll just have to keep it a fantasy. I too had a lifelong fantasy involving receiving; I even slept with a guy once to see if it was for me, but I only wanted him for one thing and very few guys do it for me. Women are so much more attractive and I've been lucky enough to be pegged by a few now.
If her hesitancy is purely on harnesses being unsexy then I have a few suggestions that might help you both take the plunge together.
Search for RodeoH - these harness undies are great. We've owned two pairs, both excellent, and allow your OH to feel sexy in cotton and lace if the domme look doesn't appeal. Check my profile for reviews.
Plugs - have you tried wearing a plug during sex? You can even get penis shaped buttplugs... would your partner be happy inserting one for you?
Of course, if she recoils at any point, then that's where you step back and accept it's not going to happen. We pretty much all have fantasies that aren't practical.
Good luck and stick around to let us know how you get on :)
Thanks for the many welcomes :) Some of you may have the wrong impression of me. I only listed like the 3 first things that popped in to my head and I have no intention of forcing her to do anything she doesn't like, I also stated that I dont want to be pushy or anything. I know the only thing to do is probably talking about it(which we do) and maybe in the future it'll work out.
I was only asking for ways which could help her change her image of strapons etc. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/members/sxleksaker/ Gave some solid advice on looking at some unrealistic looking models together. Thanks for that!