So some of you know my back history about how H and I have gone through a long ‘stale’ patch where it was basically functionally sex, both usually coming and whist once we were in the moment it was good, loving etc for me it was kind of just going through the motions.
So until recently I’d not really given H many blow jobs etx and whilst I’d play with his cock never really gave him a proper finish because we would always use it as forplay and be on to the main event.
So when we started to explore more I started to be a little more adventurous and started giving him handjobs / blow jobs as part of forplay (I’d given him maybe 3/4 blow jobs in 17yrs (and with the always panic of him Cumming in my mouth never really relaxed / enjoyed or did it for long) due to issues in my past). Cut to now... my H really struggles to come unless we are having penetrative sex. At first I thought it was me, not doing it right, having never done it before etc not being good enough. We’ve talked about it and he’s assured me that it’s not me?? I always wondered how he knew (but again some know he also had a online affair last year and he told me in all their cybersex session he never once came. I told him I didn’t believe him and he basically eventually convinced me. Especially by talking to his counsellor about it.)
This first time he came with me giving him a hand job was a few months ago. I was using the release lube and just playing around with my hands etc. all of a sudden he came all over my boobs and arm. He was as shocked and pleased as I was that he had managed to do it. It’s happened once more since but that’s it. I tried everything to bring him off tonight and although I get him extremely hard very he cant seem to cum. (He also has this problem when enjoying solo play too - not always but regularly).
So my request for help... firstly... any tips on the hand jobs / blow jobs. Apparently so he tells me I’m already great but I’m sure there must be better things I can be doing. Secondly, has any had any experience of themselves or partners struggling to cum without penetration? We’re kind of unable at the moment due to me having a further op on Monday, and I’d like to be able to help him along if that makes sense?
If it's not something he's used to it'll take him some time/practise to get the hang of it. On the upside you've already had some success so that's brilliant 👍 (that release lube does make for an excellent hand job 🙂).
A lot of it is probably psychological. If he doesn't think he'll be able to do it any way other than PIV then it can often become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I remember when I was first circumcised many years ago and I thought I couldn't masturbate or enjoy blow jobs any more (not that I'd had many at that point). It wasn't until I had a particularly pleasurable one that the wool was lifted from my eyes and I realised I'd been so wrong all along. 🙂 Once I'd had that successful one it was much more likely that I'd do it again.
I think it's been mentioned on here before that bodies can get used to certain stimulation, which they then come to rely on to the exclusion of everything else. I think with a little patience you can retrain his pleasure receptors to be a little more inclusive. 🙂
Everyone likes it a bit different, but some general guidelines/tips to start you off - Don't go too fast too quick, don't be too rough, and try licking his nipples at the same time. 🙂👍 Mrs Chimp also picked up some great tricks by watching some porn, so you could have a bit of that on in the background while you both practise. 🙂
Most importantly, don't stress, stay relaxed, enjoy yourselves. 🙂
my SO had a bit of trouble like that and then one day I was giving him a bj and started teasing his butt at the same time. Then slipped a finger in and deep throated him - bingo! Massive cum. I'm not that keen on cum in my mouth, but as he was in my throats it was easier. But maybe it would have been possible to whip him out to cum. Just a thought. Good luck with it, go slowly. You may get to love it!
It took a couple of years with my Mrs before I came from a blow job. When it happened we weren't doing anything particularly different, something just clicked. Even now some days I just can't reach that 'point of no return' but it happens more often than not.
As Ian Chimp says, a bit of porn can give some good tips. I jokingly sent her a link to one of Camille Crimsons 'Art of Blowjob' videos when she asked me what I wanted for Christmas. To her credit I got one for Christmas embracing some new techniques. It's been amazing ever since!
Great advice from all above! All I can add is listen to him. If he is vocal I'm sure he tells you what feels good or not so good. Mr John is less vocal so I started paying more attention to the quiet moans and ummmms (occasional swears 😋). Adjust the pressure / suction, this was the key for me. With a HJ try telling him how great he looks, what you are thinking about etc. Good luck, enjoy the journey.
My ex would never let me cum in her mouth during blow jobs either then was allowed and I found I couldn't. Thought it was a mental block. After we break up I was surprised then when I could cum easy with other women (1 girl in fact had no problems making me cum) but with other girls I did find that if I was playing / licking them at same time and hearing them moan that's what would make me cum. That's just me though
Also (I'm on a roll here). If you can position your other half sitting on a bed or chair with a long mirror in front of him, in your best undies get between his legs. He will get an eye full of your bum and a different view of the action. It's a big favourite in our house.
I'm no expert but too much focus may be part of the problem. I there was something that could distract him from the "oh god...i'm not going to be able" thoughts it could help. The mirror, you playing with yourself at the same time, pornporn, getting his to talk dirty if you're into it...
Thanks Ian, I wrote a long winded reply to you not long after you posted and some how I must of deleted rather than posted in my half awake state. In essence I was thanking you for your rational thinking and some really good advice, he does like his nipples being stimulated so that does work for him, I just need to focus on not stressing out and just having fun xx Gran thank you, I’m not sure I’ll get to like but never say never as the saying goes. He like anal play and we’re also currently trying to work on him getting a prostate orgasms but no luck so far. We’re baving fun trying for him though. xxx Kneeslider im starting to realise I’m putting too much pressure on myself for him to cum, he always tells me it’s fine and he’s enjoyed it etc but I do worry. JT2OU - I remember you saying about the book now on another thread. I’m guessing it’s worked well lol. Maybe I need to pop it on my wishlist and I can order it when payday comes xx hope your well hun Mrs John - I generally avoid mirrors at all costs but I think he would love this. He does love my bum! Don’t get enough - the first time he did cum from a hand job was when he was going down on me also. So distraction definitely plays a part. Sole I’m going to try the mirror and other distractions :) Thank you everyone for your advice and comments. Going to put them into practice ASAP xx
To add to the kneeling between his knees with a mirror behind, you could also try riding a suction cup dildo at the same time. I get massively turned on by the OH being penetrated by a toy whilst she is performing oral, being able to watch it as it slides in and out is a great sight.
Technics i have found work well is licking OH tip and teasing him with my tongue first and for me while i suck i wiggle my tongue over his tip and i also play with his balls at same time :-) maybe just explore some different technics for me it is quite difficult to think of new things but alot of the time i just make things up like deep throating and wiggling it at back of my throat always seems to add alot of pleasure for him :-)
Unfortunately there is no handjob/blowjob to rule them all as everyone is different, but the fact you have had some success is excellent! Maybe talk to your partner and find out what he enjoys most about porn or whatever he uses during solo play? He may be a visual type of man so maybe getting a costume he enjoys or doing your hair in a certain way could help, also have you tried maybe using a bullet vibe on the tip of his penis? This can feel amazing and push things over the edge.
i know personally how it feels to be nervous etc when receiving attention, I had quite a bad experience when I was growing up and even the thought of someone touching me would panic me so I would instantly just do all the work and not bother with me getting any attention. I felt like a spotlight was on me and this would be a real mental block. Somethings helped me though, like turning down the lights and putting music on. Also dirty talk does a lot of wonders for me and a few others I have spoken too, just little sentences like “wow your so big” or “you taste so good” etc. Sex isn’t just the physical, it’s every sense we have and you can play on all of them, visual stimulation is just as important as physical. I even had an experience with a partner where she would do everything possible to get me off and nothing worked until one day she sat on my chest in reverse and the sight of her butt just took me from 0 to 100 in seconds. My suggestion would be to find what turns your partner on the most, don’t interrogate or embarrass him but find out what sort of thing he enjoys and play around with it. Remember with plenty of toys on Lovehoney you could do a whole host of different experiences, maybe buy a dildo with a suction base and let him watch you use this and work on him at the same time? Or buy a blowyo toy for his pleasure or a stroker, even a tenga egg for example will be a new sensation.
To add to the kneeling between his knees with a mirror behind, you could also try riding a suction cup dildo at the same time. I get massively turned on by the OH being penetrated by a toy whilst she is performing oral, being able to watch it as it slides in and out is a great sight.
Just Don’t think too much..... enjoy it and once he can see you enjoying it naturally and getting off on what your doing then he will enjoy it more and hopefully Cum.... All the best x
Thanks for all the reply’s, some really good stuff :).
I do understand that he is worried about oral and I know that is because he knows I’m still not not keen on him cumming in my mouth. If it happened I’m not quite sure how I’d react but I’m guessing I’d just dispose in a tissue. But I think I know his cues so would probable just try to whip it out. Hand jobs though I not sure why it’s an issue but we’ve both been through some pretty tough crap the last few years and he’s been really depressed. He also has immense guilt (he says) from having the online affair. Which I think plays part to a lot of the issues but I don’t know?
I only started giving him regular BJ during what the experts call hysterical bonding. And initially it was because I felt so worthless and felt I needed to compete with a virtual person who from what I’ve read basically hooked him and reeled him in and he fell for it. She was the opposite of all the things I hate about myself and wish I was was she was skinny, adventurous, very sexually confident etc. (I do try to make myself see who’s word do we have on that photos could of been anyone etc). Anyway... during this I realised I actually enjoyed it and told him so and also said I kinda feel like I’ve missed out on so much of what I could of been enjoying. - much like the toys. Initally it was I felt I had to because that’s what he wanted. But then found out I was enjoying this new found pleasure lol. (I have since told him this)
Due to the above Porn is a issue for us, he was using it a lot to make him feel better, then he went to online strip poker... and met her. So he kind of decided he wanted to not watch any porn even together. He’s only also had one solo session since I found out. So I’m not sure what he does now lol. He does tell me slower or faster etcor when it’s too sensitive. He also said I make him harder in a couple of minutes than he ever gets solo so I presume I’m doing the right things? That it’s the pressure to cum that he’s putting on himself?
The suction dildo idea sounds interesting lol when I first read it I was thinking I can’t do that 😊 but he loves using a dildo on me, and loves my bottom so I’m thinking lingerie mirror and possibly a dildo may drive him mad 😂. I do generally play with his balls and have started to trail vibrators / bullet on his cock. Think I may get some airways too 😂 Thank you again for all the help. Xx
Get some long, good quality satin gloves, make him watch as you slowly put them on, then undress him and gently caress his sensitive areas before giving him a HJ to remember. Gloves stay on until he’s cum all over them.