Having a tiny rant/vent/cry for help x

Off-Topic Chat
1

Hi all,

In Feb I decided to leave Yorkshire and move back to where I'm from in the North of Scotland. Due to be leaving in October - it's all organised. I'd been single for over a year and had no hope of meeting anyone as I work long and unsociable hours so didn't really have anything to stay for seeing as ALL my family are still in Scotland.

Anyway, what do I go and do? Meet a fantastic guy in March!

We are still seeing each other, I wish I hadn't gone on that first date as I really don't want to leave him.

It's like a big black cloud hanging over us, and in addition he hates dogs and I have a lovely Jack Russell so even if I did stay, we could never be together properly as he couldn't have the dog in his house.

I can't stay at his because I can't take the dog with me, and he rarely stays at mine because it's such a hassle keeping the dog away!

This guy is so nice to me, makes me feel amazing, my confidence has gone through the roof and the sex is AMAZING. And without going on about him too much, he'sjust a genuine all round nice guy with good prospects and a lovely personality.

We are drifting apart now because of the fact I'm leaving and I have a dog and it's very upsetting tbh!

I know I will meet someone else when I move away.

On one hand I want it to be over now so I can move on, but on the other hand, I don't want to be without him.

I know he feels the same as we had a heart to heart last night. He wouldn't still be with me if he didn't think I was worth it, but just as I feel, his head is pulling in a different direction to his heart.

Obviously there are possibilities but I will never be without a dog and he would never want to come between us so even if I stayed / he moved with me, it couldn't work, it just shouldn't be as much hard work as it is :(

Anyway, I'm not looking for answers on here, just some virtual hugs and kind words!!

2

Aw hunnie, big hugs coming your way.

Unfortunately there is nothing I can say that will change anything or make anything any better. I hope you work it out xxx

3

virtual hug :) xxx

4

I mainly just wish it was October now and I was leaving today! Coz then I'd HAVE to leave him, instead of maybe finishing it now and knowing he was only a couple of miles away.

I do like a drama :/

5

Hi HI,

Difficult situation,

For what its worth -

Maybe if you can both agree to make the most of the last few months together?

If the relationship was getting ever more serious then maybe you need to rethink things?

Is the relationship only really breaking down because of the pending move? if so, again you need to look at the move?

Im sure if you both really wanted to be together then youd work around the dog situation.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

xx

6

Yeh this is it DD, it is getting serious but he doesn't want me to resent him if I stayed and it didn't work out, he doesn't seem to want to work around the dog. I don't know whether thats because he doesn't want us to work because he doesn't want to hold me back, or if he just doesn't think he can.

I'm quite annoyed too because I told him from the start that I was leaving, and his reply, every time was 'you never know what will happen' so really, he got us to this point and is now backing out!

ARGH!

I am just wanting to enjoy the time we have left but these blimmin barriers are in the way ALL the time! :P

Nice to hear from you again DD, it's been a while x

7

Well first and foremost I do not neglect my dog's needs what so ever. What I meant when I said it's a hassle to keep the dog away is, as he's a Jack Russel and quite a young one, he wants to play with everyone. And I understand that even if you do like dogs you may not be comfortable with one in your face all the time as my one can be.

I would never consider putting anyone before my dog's needs, I have sacrificed a lot to be able to look after him and provide a good life for him as, like you said, when you decide to get a dog, it's a commitment that lasts as long as their life is long.

I think that the reason it is so difficult is BECAUSE I put my dog first.

I don't mean to sound rude but I didn't post on here for someone to make judgement on my pet ownership skills.

8

Big hugs :( x

I am sure Ork did not mean to come accross as critical as he seemed.

For what it is worth, I would enjoy all the time you can with him. Life throws all kinds of stuff our way, so savour the really sweet bits. This coming from someone who worries about not having stuff to worry about, so I cant take my own advice! :)

9

Who cannot love dogs? I dont have a dog but I know for sure I might want one in the future.

You did have your dog before this guy, and all dogs grow out of that playful stage and i am sure you are training him well.

I guess they can take up your time and you have already committed to your dog and whoever is willing to make a relationship work with you will have to accept your dog. Much like if you were to have children.

Maybe enjoy what time you do have together and who knows maybe something will change in the future so that you can be together again.

All the best.

x

10

Thanks Noon. I think we are both subconsciously distancing ourselves from each other but I did tell him last night I wanted to just forget all the rubbish and enjoy each other.

Here's hoping!

11

Thanks Dee, One of the reasons I am moving back home is to give my dog a better life as my family will be around. I moved down here on my own so he only knows me.

In Scotland plenty of people will spend time with him, theres another dog to play with and a massive garden to run around in.

I am quite upset that anyone could think I don't look after him properly as I love him to bits.

Glad nearly everyone has said the same as I feel, I'm sure that this current relationship is not meant to be since it is so difficult.

That in itself makes it easier.

xx

12

Not everyone is a dog lover; but to hate, or even dislike all dogs in general, I think is a bit bizarre.

A dog is like a family member. He sounds a bit wet to me.

Maybe he has a fear of dogs? And feels embarrassed to admit it?

13

Im sorry I'm a massive animal lover and grew up with two dogs one who we sadly had to put to sleep as he was so old and his hip discs had popped out. But Ork I don't agree with this "you have to scarafice your own life and happiness for the sake of your dog" (parapharsing here as thats how your words come across)

Yes love and care for your animal as you have a vested interest in that pet but that does not mean you can't have a life or you can't have a relationship with someone who is anxious around dogs. He may have been bitten by a dog as a child, maybe by the breed of dog you have and so is now cautious around them.

Highly Insatiable I'm your sure your dog gets all he needs, with plently of love, cuddles, walks, food and a nice warm home - thats better than alot of families have at the moment.

Also sweetie massive cuddles to you! Relationships are hard at the best of times but knowing that your moving makes what you have a particulary grey shaded area. Life is for living - it goes in a blink of an eye so enjoy it to the max

xxx

14

Hi DoorGlass, he has said he's got a phobia but if you ask me, from the way he acts it's not a phobia, more like an intolerance a a lack of willingness to adapt.

It's hard to explain and it's not like I am just shrugging off his problem with dogs, but surely if he had a phobia, he'd come nowhere near the house. The fact is, I get the dog settled and then the OH starts teasing him then jumps back as soon as the dog wants to play. It's just not fair. And yes, he is a massive wet bloody blanket lol!!

Miss - he's never been bitten or attacked by a dog, this has all just stemmed from his father telling him dogs are evil because HE was attacked by a dog. Myself and OH have talked through this and he agrees that it was incredibly cruel and unfair for his father to project these fears on to him but it looks like we are stuck with it.

I guess I just have to settle for the fact that he doesn't feel we are worth dealing with the dog issue.

The fact is, maybe I would stay down here if having a dog was no problem. And I don't mean stay for him, I do like living here I just felt it was time to move on, before I met OH.

Without any reassurance that the dog isn't a problem or that he even wants me to stay, I'm not even going to consider it, obviously.

Anyway, reckon we are drifting apart now which is actually a good thing in some ways but I just wish it was on or off!!

Thanks for all your posts xx

15

If you feel that much for him could it be worth having one more chat with him and ask him what he wants for the future? What I mean is if he sees you as long term (if it wasn't for the dog and moving back to scotland). It might help you decide what you want for the future if he says he wants you to live with him or just in that area for the immediate or longterm future.

Personally I wouldn't be happy in a relationship where I couldn't stay with him because I had to get back for the dog or if he didn't want to stay over much because of the dog but what about you? Maybe you don't mind living seperately for the long term but maybe you want the whole family unit thing. If he says he wants to be with you but not if the dogs about then I think you need to say goodbye to him or on the other hand he may want to prove that he is serious about you and start making an effort with the dog, in which case he has a couple of months to actually show you he is going to make an effort with your dog, unless of course it will be too late to change your mind and stay after all by that point.

For me its a case of love me love my pets, I can understand that not everybody loves animals but I couldn't be with someone who didn't make an effort to get on with them. One of my ex's wasn't interested in them at all but he accepted they were part of my life and tried to learn how to handle them etc. If he hadn't I would have realised we were not meant to be and ended it. Turns out we were not meant to be for other reasons lol.

If you do decide to stay would you still be able to go back to scotland in the future if things didn't work out? It's still early days in your relationship so you also need to decide if the risk of hanging around to see how things progress is worth it if things don't work out so well.

Good luck whatever the two of you decide.

16

Syd wrote:

Not everyone is a dog lover; but to hate, or even dislike all dogs in general, I think is a bit bizarre.

I think that's a bit harsh to be fair, I used to literally hate cats simply because growing up from when I was a baby till I was maybe..7 or 8 we had a cat and it was just in her nature to scratch people and she'd do it to me for absolutely no reason, like you'd be sitting there and she'd just run up and scratch you claws out and draw blood.
It put me off them for a long time since my childhood self was telling me all cats hurt you and it has only been in the last couple of years since I've had exposure to two lovely snuggly cats that I've realised they're not all like that. But even still one of them has a particular spot she'll sit every now and then will playfully bat your leg as you walk past but it still scares the hell out of me and when she's in that spot I will avoid her or shoo her away. I like to think of myself as a completely rational person but overcoming a childhood fear is not an easy thing.

Growing up I would of course walk in a house with cats and still be around them but I'd just be very wary and try avoid having them within attack distance.

Now

this has all just stemmed from his father telling him dogs are evil because HE was attacked by a dog. Myself and OH have talked through this and he agrees that it was incredibly cruel and unfair for his father to project these fears on to him but it looks like we are stuck with it.

Well he hasn't had a first hand bad experience with dogs but if he's grown up with this mantra then he absolutely will have a problem with dogs - you don't hold your hand over a naked flame to see if your parents were lying about fire burning - if this is what has been ingrained into him from childhood then his fear, however irrational to you, is fully understandable.

However:

Highly_Insatiable wrote:

The fact is, I get the dog settled and then the OH starts teasing him then jumps back as soon as the dog wants to play. It's just not fair. And yes, he is a massive wet bloody blanket lol!!

Perhaps this is his way of trying? Testing himself almost, and testing the dog to see if he can overcome this..he may not realise he's doing this but just subconsciously seeing what will happen. It's a shame that you don't have much time with him with the whole October thing because I pretty much guarantee given time he will be rolling around on the floor with your doggy letting him lick his face and all sorts

17

Highly_Insatiable wrote:

Hi DoorGlass, he has said he's got a phobia but if you ask me, from the way he acts it's not a phobia, more like an intolerance a a lack of willingness to adapt.

It's hard to explain and it's not like I am just shrugging off his problem with dogs, but surely if he had a phobia, he'd come nowhere near the house. The fact is, I get the dog settled and then the OH starts teasing him then jumps back as soon as the dog wants to play. It's just not fair. And yes, he is a massive wet bloody blanket lol!!

Miss - he's never been bitten or attacked by a dog, this has all just stemmed from his father telling him dogs are evil because HE was attacked by a dog. Myself and OH have talked through this and he agrees that it was incredibly cruel and unfair for his father to project these fears on to him but it looks like we are stuck with it.

I guess I just have to settle for the fact that he doesn't feel we are worth dealing with the dog issue.

Apologies for bringing up doggy issues again, but I thought it might be useful to hear from someone with a major problem with dogs.

I've never been good with dogs. One of my very earliest memories is of being chased & bitten by a dog when I was about 4. My Grandmother also had a vicious Jack Russell, which absolutely hated children - not the ideal animal to have when you've got 9 grandchildren! There were various other incidents while I was growing up, which, I now understand, were caused by me running away from dogs in the park which were just trying to be friendly.

I managed to get through life without having a relationship with anyone associated with dogs until the age of 25, when I met my current partner. Although she didn't have dogs herself, her parents did have a couple & I was terrified whenever I went round there for the first year of the relationship. Things really came to a head when my OH offered to have the dogs living with us for a week while her parents were away. I lasted about three hours before I threatened to move out unless the dogs went - I appreciate this was a horrible thing to do, but I just couldn't be in the same flat as the dogs for that long.

I am - after 6+ years - better with dogs now, but I'm still not comfortable with them. I'm also now a father & I'm desperately trying not to project my feelings onto my son, but sadly he's already a little uncomfortable with overly-friendly dogs.

If you ask me, the fact that your OH is coming round to your house & actually attempting to play with the dog is a sign that he's really, really making an effort. As a fellow doggy-hater, I take that as a sign that he's serious about you.

Sorry for prattling on - I hope you get things sorted.

18

I like other peoples dogs I wouldnt live with one though, neither would I live with a dog owner who thinks dogs are four legged people (my sister in law for example) her prattling about dogs drives me nutz