Growing apart from someone.

Off-Topic Chat
1

Hi all. You don't have to read this, it's more of a rant that people can help with if they feel that they can.

I'm very sorry that I keep starting threads that bring the mood down a bit, I realise that all I've done lately is a lot of moanig and moping like a sulky teenager.. I just need to write everything down and if anyone has anything to add, then great, but if not, I'll just be glad to have gotten everything off my chest.

So, as you may know, I've been struggling a bit lately with my relationship and generally feeling a bit rubbish.

As suggested on another thread, I seem to have a bad case of the winter blues and I'm feeling really low at the moment. I've been thinking of leaving my boyfriend as well for a good couple of weeks and I'm just a big mess.

I know I'm not going to leave him or break up with him, because I love him like mad, which is annoying me more because I know that deep down I do want to go and be by myself for a while, but at the same time, I don't want to leave him. In a way, I'm kind of annoyed at myself that I love him and care for him so much, as if I didn't, then it would be easier for me to actually do something, not just sit here in the middle.

I know that he is completely obvlivious to how I am feeling and it would absolutely crush him to know that I want to leave him- which is why I've kept all this to myself and haven't plucked up the courage to talk to him about it. I don't know how to say "things aren't right" without hurting him. Plus, I don't really know why I want to leave.

I want some time to myself even though I know that if I did choose to take a break from the relationship, I would be lonely and miss him terribly. We've been planning on moving into our first house together for months, and now that it was finally getting to the stage of deciding on the final few that we loved, his hours have been cut down in work and we're not going to be able to move afterall. I know it's not his fault but he doesn't seem to be doing anything about it, which is really frustrating for me.

I feel like I've grown apart from him over the past few months. Things just aren't the same. We've been together for 5 years since I was 15, and obviously I've grown up a lot since we started dating. I think maybe I've just outgrown him.

It's really upsetting for me to even consider leaving him, and everytime I think of the perfect thing to say, I imagine saying it and can't go through with it. I know I love him and he loves me, so things should be great. I don't know what to do.

2

well you didnt ask for advice and no one but you knows the exact circs, one thing i will say if i may. your 20 if my maths is right, relationships do ebb and flow - but the title 'growing apart' is somethuing to perhaps pause and reflect on. whilst relationships evolve one thing that is likely to happen is that the longer a couple of together the more their tastes/interests will seperate, if the relationship and the feelings between each ther\are strong that doesnt matter too much, but you'd expect that after a fair few years.......

we've been together 25 yrs, on the face of it it shouldnt work. our tastes have grown apart - music, telly, film, comedy. i still believe i'm 30, she firmly believes she's nearing 50.......i'll go to my den and watch sport, she'll sit and watch something i would hate......yet we're lucky enough that we love each other, have a good laugh together, are best friends .

ask yourself if you both have fun together ( i mean fun not sex), and if not why not, can that change.....and if yes, then ramp that part of your relationship up more. yes its disappointing that you cant get your 1st place yet, but go and have a laugh together.

3

What if you were to explain all this to him? Limit yourself so your not around him all the time and try to spend the time you do have to do fun things together (as Heatseekher suggested..) Communication is key in any relationship. Sounds like you really need space to do your own thing but nothing permanently, be honest with him and maybe you can work something out between you that suits you both.. I hope your feeling better soon xx

4

Life is for learning. No matter how much advice you get from us strangers who know no ins and outs, you are still going to make up your own choice eventually, and whichever one you pick, you will learn something. xxxxx

5

you know what i feel exactly the same even tho my situation is a little different as we only been together 3 year we live together and have an 18 month old daughter

if you need a chat hun add me and we could havee a chat maybe sometime xx

6

Your relationship should never stop you from being who u r or want to be! He should support you in everything u want to achieve and do and vice versa - infact having recently got married this is what I wrote in my vows that I couldn't wait to get to know my husband more and get to know the person he would become!

I'm fully aware people change and adapt but it's knowing that's how life is that makes it easier. If he can't support your needs and wants then I think you have out grown each other and that's ok too, it just wasn't meant to be

Xxx