Hello! I'm new and need some advice!

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hello there! I'm quite nervous so please be gentle with me!

Firstly..Hope everyone is having an amazingly good day today!

And secondly, I need some advice!

I am currently in a relationship and have been for four years. We are both 22 and met at uni. We we both shy virgins at the time but we clicked instantly and have been together ever since! Anyways, things have started going slowly downhill and we have kind of both just been a bit distant with each other lately. We both started new jobs about 2 months ago to be able to work more and have money for Christmas and we see less of each other now than we used to, which to be honest, doesn't really bother me an awful lot. I think that my boyfriend is more 'into' the relationship than I am. I love him to bits and he loves me too but is it fair to stay in a relationship that I don't want to be in anymore?

I don't want to hurt him- he's been my rock and my best friend for 4 years and I don't want him to be heartbroken by me breaking up with him. However, I just don't feel like my heart is in the relationship anymore, and I think he deserves to know that.

You may wonder why I want to ask this today of all days. Well, today I was finally pushed over the edge! I know that he cares deeply for me and I really do care about him too. But, today, I got a message from him asking if I wanted to go shopping tomorrow. I tell him I can't- is it important? He says he has to buy my Christmas present and wants me to pick it out. I know this may sound petty and very ungrateful, but I gave him a list of what I wanted weeks ago. The items could be ordered online and all of them were under £10. He said he tried to think of something as a surprise but couldn't, so now "you get to pick my own gift out!" I have done all of his holiday shopping from food to gifts for his family and he hasn't had to get one thing, so to me, this just says he is lazy, unorganised and simply just doesn't care all that much. He did apologise but these little things that he does (things like this...) are really starting to get to me and irriate me more and more! *aand rant over!*

Anyways. So.. the advice. Has anyone been through a break up from a long term relationship? Were you the one doing the breaking up, or the one being broken up with, and how did you feel? And lastly.. how do I do it? I know he is going to be upset and hurt as thats inevitable. We have been a big part of each others lives for years so even as the one doing the breaking up, I will be equally upset and hurt. What do I say? I feel like saying "My heart just isn't in it anymore' as thats how I feel, but I just think that might sound a bit rubbish?

Thanks all :) x

2

Yeahhhhh go for it! -My short answer. Much can be said but you've decided so far yourself. Go with your heart. Even if it ends up being a mistake, things are always better. Life is long with the wrong people xx

3

You're not doing either of you a favour by staying in a relationship you aren't happy with.

Another website has a great suggestion for how o word it: http://ask.metafilter.com/88726/How-do-I-let-someone-down-easy#1305651

4

I think be honest and tell him the truth, how you are feeling and why this relationship has run it's course, you are both young and have so much life to live, why carry on a pretend it's ok, you will end up hating each other.

GOOD LUCK

5

Oooh sorry! Merry Christmas as well!! Xx

6

Thanks for the replies. I think I will just sit him down soon and say exactly what I said just here- that my heart isnt in it anymore.

I just dont know how! Do I just say "I need to talk to you about something... I think we should break up" and go from there? I've never had a real relationship before this one and therefore have never experienced this situation!

Merry christmas all x

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I'm not so good at advice for that because I generally just say what I feel. Just try your best. Xx

8

I broke up with my OH over 3 weeks ago , we were together 9yrs and my heart was not there anymore I fell out of love with him. Hard to tell someone that after all that time , but I wanted to be happy , and it was horrible hurting him . But I had great support from friends & have tough days and I have good days , but in the end I know I have done it for the right reasons to be happy , as I was sick of being 2nd best and for once in my life in 9yrs, I put myself 1st.

Do what you want , it will be hard its not easy x

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Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

It's a difficult thing to do, but all I can advise is to speak from your heart and just be honest. Sit him down and the words will come, even if you do stutter a little at first. Don't panic, just take a deep breath and say what you feel needs to be said. Try not to rant and go on about all his flaws, as that isn't too nice on anyone.

Not the happiest christmas for you, but I wish you the best. I'm going through a break up, after 6 years, myself just now, but slightly more awkward due to his reaction to it and the way he is.

But 2013 will be filled with new starts and new worlds! I'm sure I'm not the only one looking forward to it! (even if I end up in a wheelchair from my disability.)

I'm really proud of you of the bits and bobs I've read of your story! Xx
10

Hello Charlie, welcome to the forums! Merry Christmas to you!