for the last few months have been exploring anal fun with myself and just recently my oh has started getting a bit frisky with my bum, nothing major beads small toys etc,
she enjoys playing with me in this way and so thought the natural progression would be pegging, so in one of my less refrained convos said, 'id love it if you tied me up and fucked me with a strap on' to be greeted with the reply 'are you gay, im not doing that!!!!'
now im confused, last week she had no quarms in sticking the majority of a double ended dildo up there but now thinks that have her strapped to said implement makes me gay.
have tried to talk about this attitude to her but to say she is a doer not a talker is an understatement,
Does anyone have any advise on how to save the situation as i also not anticipating the answer may have spent far to much on some strapons
A few things jump out at me as I read your post, the first being that your OH has only just started exploring you in this way (but you have been exploring yourself a bit longer) and second that she is not big on talking (which I appreciate can make things difficlut).
I never think anyone should do anything they are not completely comfortable with, so her saying no is a choice, but to acuse you of being gay for wanting it is not right at all and I personally think an offensive statement (possibly it is a lack of understanding in the topic?). Also there is nothing wrong with being gay or any other kind of sexual orientation, we are all different.
Me and the OH have only recently started exploring anal fun (like you with small beads only at the min), at first he was completely closed to the idea, now he is loving the new feelings he is experiencing. This was a very slow process and I think pushing a topic will cause pressure on one partner which is wrong. I found planting the seed and then not mentioning it again worked for us, once I mentioned it and said I would be happy to try it, I left it at that and waited till he approached me saying he was now ready to try it (I think it's human nature to be curious).
My advice would be, you have planted the seed, now let her come to you, her response was probably more 'shock' based, so just let her get her head around it and wait till she talks to you about it. Good luck.
It sounds to me like she may be experiencing a bit of self doubt, your new found pleasure doesn't involve actually making love to her as such, but her using external toys to pleasure you, which may have left her feeling a bit like she's a spare part/not needed anymore. While male to female anal uses the genitals just like penis to vaginal intercourse, using a strap on wouldn't create any physical sexual pleasure feelings to a female as it's just a toy strapped to her, unless it's a 2 way strap on with a toy for the wearer. She may be seeing your new love of anal as a threat to you no longer needing her for sexual pleasure. You don't mention whether or not it was during sex/ mutual masturbation/pleasuring she has previously played with toys on you, or if it was just you recieving pleasure at the time, but some people can be a bit jealous/paranoid and can worry they aren't good enough for their partner, it may come from some self esteem issue of insecurity as much as her maybe feeling sexually things wouldn't be about mutual pleasure to use a strapon. It may have been nothing more than an over reaction, albeit an insensitive and rather offensive one, but none of us know your girlfriend as well as you do and i can only assume you have a good gut/instinct feeling on if she meant it as badly as it sounded or if it was more a you took her completely by surprise and was a bit of a rabbit in the headlights kind of thing.
it really threw me that reaction as you both have said it was really offensive and completely out of character, think your right to pick up on the insecurity stuff but its just stumped me a bit that like i said she has no problems putting a very large and lifelike dildo inside me as long as its not attached to her shes fine with it???????
well ive sewn the seeds and pretty unoffensive strap on will get delivered soon and can stay in the cupboard and hope one day it gets used :-(
I think she needs to understand that everyone has different wants from sex, wanting pegging doesn't make you gay and her reaction is very close minded, just tell her his it made you feel. Don't try to push it, she obviously doesn't want to but needs to understand that her reaction was wrong and as a couple you need to understand each other. There are loads of people who enjoy this
My hubby won't allow me to do anything like this to him. If he asked me to one day of course I would do it. I'd do anything within reason if it made sex better for him. Same as he would for me. There's a few things we won't do and we are unanimous on them lol.
Hmm, bit difficult to respond to this, as I'm just talking a few hypotheticals with my gf over long distance, but while your OHs comment is out of order, it also might simply have been out of shock; being stimulated anally with a toy may be acceptable to her, as it's still remote, another form of self-pleasure, even if she is assisting.
Pegging however (tbh, a term I'm quite new to; seriously, I had to Google it a fortnight ago!), puts her very much in charge and maybe it's also that dominance she finds intimidating, as you could argue that you're also nudging into BDSM territory, which has stigmas of its own.
In response to her not getting anything from it, perhaps she may come to enjoy the pleasure it gives you. Failing that, the strapless strap-ons like this:- http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17044 might be a reasonable compromise for you both.
As Tink_sixes suggests, you set the seed. Let it rest a bit and see if she brings it up, in future. If the status quo gives you both a thrill, then best to enjoy that than pushing your OH into territories she's not ready for.
My OH reacted the same way when I asked her to peg me. Here we are 4 years later and she absolutely loves it, and is usually the one to suggest doing it rather than me. If communication is an issue, maybe point her in the direction of one of the pegging discussions on this forum (Male pride boosting pegging thread is a good one) or a website dedicated to the relationship aspect of pegging (Ruby Ryder's pegging paradise, for example).
I hope she comes round, pegging is frigging awesome!
My husband has just bought his first anal toy, I have no problem with this and looking forward to experimening. I don't mind being in control while teasing my husband but to put a strap on would make me feel the male and dominant person in the love making and I wouldnt like the role reversal. I am not into sub or Dom but like to be the female in the relaionship. I don't know if this could be why your OH is not into the idea? Only you would know.
Hi CM. Don't worry to much it's all very new and probably a little bit of a shock. Take it all back a level or two. We are into prostate massage but not pegging.
May I suggest the you look into prostate massage with her to get her to begin to understand the pleasure she can give you. It strikes me you are trying to get her to run when she has only just began to crawl.
There are many threads on both pegging and prostate massage just use the seaweed bar at the top of the page . Good luck.
I’ve finally convinced my wife to give pegging me a go she says she will give it a go only decision we have is choosing the right strap on would love some feedback on what you lovely people would recommend
Pegging doesn’t have to be about domination / submission, its simply another way of enjoying sex.
A man who enjoys being penetrated anally isn’t necessarily being submissive to his partner, its simply enjoying the physical stimulation that it brings. When Mrs Sen has done it to me, its not that I want to feel submissive or subservient to her (which sounds strange given I have passed over the keys to the chastity cage to her), but that I enjoy immensely the stimulation. Now if I am on all 4s and in doggie position, then granted, this is a much more submissive position, but when we have been facing (i.e in “missionary”) and being able to look into each others eyes, I have had access to her boobs to play with, it is a level of connection that I have never felt previously.
I would almost go as far as saying it is one of the most intimate acts between a man and a woman and shows complete trust to explore a non traditional form of sex.
Has she watched you masturbate with a dildo? That could be a way to show her how you enjoy the stimulation, if it was a joint / mutual masturbation session where you could make significant eye contact it would also help show its not a “gay thing”.
I think, as above, you need to give her time but also make sure that she understands that you want her to do this and not just anyone.
It takes a lot of trust and you are exposing a vulnerability which can make you closer.
Have the discussion at a time when it won’t progress to sex so it can be balanced. Also, perhaps she would like to chose a harness rather than being given one.