Hi all,
I've been with my husband for over 15 years and I love him more than life itself. Due to a few massive upheavals over the last couple of years, we've been having sex really infrequently, only once every two months. Sex is always so good when we do it and I will want to get us back to a more active sex life. But...we usually do oral then penetrative in a couple of positions.
Could I please ask for advice from any men with shyer wives, or shy wives, about how to suggest new ideas - I'm pretty creative but feel like a pervert! Thanks so much 😍
This was me a few months ago. It was only due to a fluke really that I mentioned something to to my h and he was like yes I want to look into that and we found ourselves on lovehoney. Since then we’ve spend a lot of time talking and experimenting more than we have on 16 and half years! It’s defiantly working for us.
Starting a conversation out of nowhere can be really overwhelming, especially if it's the first time you've ever discussed things like this. And the longer you've been together the trickier it can be as the habit to not mention it gets more and more ingrained. Speaking up is definitely worth the effort in the long-run though. 🙂
If you just can't find the right verbal opener then Lovehoney have lots of little games to get the ball rolling. They're not that risqué that he'll run for the hills, but they are inventive and varied enough to start an open dialogue about what each of you would love to explore.
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/special-offers/15377/
If you do feel you need to be a bit more blatant than that then you could always buy a few toys that you want to try out and leave them out for him to find. It's really hard to ignore a pile of dildos on the bed. 🙂
My partner was shy and never was adventurous when it came to sex until her friends bought her a small vibrator for her birthday. At first she was quite reluctant but in the last few months we have expanded our toy collection thanks to Lovehoney and we have found a whole new adventure in our lives. Go for it.
My wife sounds similar. She's pretty shy when it comes to talking about what she likes. She just says she likes what we do but won't go into specifics. Whilst she's shy in talking about sex she's actually quite open minded and has never said no to trying new things.
For us it started with a bit of sexy lingerie, then massages with a bit of oil to using lube. One occasion I was indulging her in a bit of, shall we say 'intimate massage', and she was trying grab me to do me at the same time. I joked that if she couldn't behave I'd have to tie her hands up. She did it again so I grabbed a dressing gown belt and tied her hands to the headboard. Afterwards we just chatted about it being fun, we should do it again and could maybe try some other toys and left it at that.
After getting some proper restraints and using them for a while I got her a bullet vibe for her birthday, then a 'naughty box' full of stuff from love honey for our anniversary a couple of years ago and it's all been great fun ever since.
A brilliant one to lighten the mood and talk/ giggle about things was the 'clone a willy' kit I put in the naughty box. Had a fantastic time as she provided the inspiration to get something mould-worthy ;)
A possible lead in is to say you've found some nice lingerie on a site Google brought up, showing him things here this if he looks with you may lead to looking at other things?
I have trouble sharing my ideas with my OH, fearing that she'll reject me or have a negative reaction when I tell her some of the things on my mind. It's all completely in my head though, as she is generally pretty awesome. I'm sure things are similar with you and your OH.
What really works for me is electronic communication. I will send her an email with the things in that either I'd like to try, or remembering some things we've done in the past. That way she can read it when I'm not around to super-self-conscious that I'm making myself vulnerable to her. It just kinda opens the conversation, cos she then knows I want to talk about these things, and she can start the conversation when she is ready, rather than me just going blahhhhhhh at her unprepared.
It also works for me as I have much stronger written communication skills than I do verbal communication skills.
That's just what works for me...!
Hi Ian,
Thanks so much for your reply, you've hit the nail on the head and are clearly a fab husband! The longer I've waited to say anything, the more difficult I've found it. I ordered a couple of toys from this site, which arrived this morning - one is a blow job stroker that we've already used today haha. I explained that I want more sex but sometimes feel shy about saying what I want and of course my lovely man said he wanted me to talk about what I want. Thanks for taking the time to write a post, have a great weekend 😍
Thanks so much, step one taken this morning! X
Scaredycat
wrote:
Hi Ian,
Thanks so much for your reply, you've hit the nail on the head and are clearly a fab husband! The longer I've waited to say anything, the more difficult I've found it. I ordered a couple of toys from this site, which arrived this morning - one is a blow job stroker that we've already used today haha. I explained that I want more sex but sometimes feel shy about saying what I want and of course my lovely man said he wanted me to talk about what I want. Thanks for taking the time to write a post, have a great weekend 😍
That's excellent. Well done you. 🙂
Hi, It's great news to here that you have started o talk about experimenting.
For one you are in no way a pervert. My OH was shy about talking of different things she wanted to try and so was I but I decided one day to just start talking about what I wanted to try and if there was anything that she wanted to do. The rest is history lol.
Just let your mind take you to every avenue you want to take. You will be surprised.
TTFN