Hi @Rewrob,
Welcome to the forum!
First of all, just wanted to highlight something you had originally mentioned:
You went on to say it’s a mains wand, which can be pretty powerful. If she is feeling nothing when masturbating either, it sounds like it might be anything to do with what you are doing (or not doing).
There could be defense barriers on her part, and although might not have had sexual partners before you her upbringing is likely to have a big impact on her views around intimacy, sex and what that all means to her, which sounds maybe similar with @Dom624 is saying.
The other issue may be that the specific sex stuff might make her feel pressured and vulnerable, and I don’t mean that to sound like you are putting her under pressure in any way, it would be pressure she might be putting on herself.
My OH went through phases when we were first together when she got in her head about not being able to orgasm - and then got self critical, disappointed, frustrated, and of course all of that going on meant she could relax and enjoy herself, a big negative spiral. Other thing I noticed mention was fantasies, and my OH doesn’t have any at all. It always fascinates me how that is possible, but it is what it is, we’re all individual.
I think what you are doing by reaching out and asking for help is a huge thing in itself, I hope it feels less isolating for you after doing so, and sounds like you’re trying to do all the right things for the right reasons.
The only thing I would suggest is perhaps taking a step back completely, drop the sex element and maybe focus on being intimate more in terms of touching and feeling. Things like running her a bath, jumping in shower or bath together and washing each other, massage with oils. Ask her what she likes as you touch her, soft and gentle caress or more pressure. If she touches you in places, let her know you like it and almost lead by example.
If she starts to talk about non-sexual intimacy, with time it she may feel more comfortable opening up more around the sexual side.
As others have said, communication and time are key, and maybe taking the focus away from sex with no expectations it may open up a new line of communication.
Wish you all the best mate, and please don’t beat yourself up in terms of confidence - easier said than done I know, but it takes two to tango as they say, and without feedback of any kind it’s purely a lottery.