I have a problem - i cant orgasm me and my bf have tried everything for the last 2 years. I thought maybe a rabbit would help tried it with and without him and still nothing. ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT!!!
Well the first thing, does it really matter? Some people don't feel fulfilled without an orgasm, but not everyone's built that way. I'm 23 and only just started coming. I don't know when the first one was because they're not nearly as interesting as I was lead to believe as a teenager and it took a certain situation to make me realise what was happening, but I'm sure that at least some of them are proper orgasms. I have some friends who also didn't come until their early 20s and they say they were also underwhelmed to start with. It's made no real difference to my sex life, I get much more satisfaction from a really good fingering or fuck in which I don't orgasm then from getting myself off with a vibrator (the only way it's happened so far).
Before people get huffy with me, I know that I'm only experiencing the lower end of orgasms and I expect I'll get better at it with time, but I spent my adolesence thinking I was broken and being told I was frigid or repressed, neither of which is true. I realised years ago that there was nothing wrong with me and want everyone else to be comfortable with their own bodies and how they work.
So my best bit of advice amounts to "don't worry about it", apart from that, keep exploring lots of different things and see what feels nice. I can tell you what did it for me, but that doesn't mean it'll work for you.
It's all about clitoral stimulation for me. I gave up on using vibrators for that for a while because they didn't seem to do much for me, but it turned out that I need more focussed vibration then most give. The ones that worked for me to start with were the Pocket Rocket (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=344&aff=anika) and a discontinued toy similar to the O'My Ginger (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=7509&aff=anika) (the tip is a bit smaller than that of most eggs and bullets). Vibration patterns (as available with the O'My Ginger, Bedside Bullet, etc.) were good for getting my interest at the beginning, although I prefer continuous vibrations now.
If you haven't tried it already, similtaneous g-spot and clitoral stimulation might be enough to get you over the edge.
Don't focus on trying to have an orgasm, you don't know what it feels like so that's unlikely to get you anywhere. Get yourself mentally stimulated as well as physically. Fantasise if you're on your own, or get your boyfriend to entertain you by talking dirty or whatever it is that gets your brain horny.
You're probably too stressed out about orgasming to actually have one, Leah. You need to relax with the situation, because if you and your boyfriend are worrying about making you come it's never going to happen no matter what you try. As with most things, it starts with your head so you have to feel totally comfortable and relaxed beforehand or you will never open yourself up to have a really good orgasm.
If you want a little help getting started, check out the Flower Power Orgasm Booster cream. There's a review of it on my website, and you could also try out a few sexual positions that give maximum exposure to your clit, like this one: http://www.dirtywords.co.uk/index.cfm/2006/10/4/Cant-orgasm-through-normal-sex-Try-this-position-instead
BK x x x
Thanks for the advice guys. I feel like i've tried everything and for a while i even gave up trying and hoped it mite just happen because i wasn't stressin out about it but still no luck. A few times ive felt like im geting sumwhere and started to get "the pee feeling" people talk about. For a while i was too nervous to go further and then other times even when i did try to keep going it just disappears without turning into anything and everything goes back to normal.
Guess i'm just going to have to wait till it happens one day.
I don't think I'm adding anything here that hasn't already been said, but I've got to say that I sympathize. :)
It took me a long, long time to figure out what works for me and what doesn't and I think I really only came into my own in figuring out what *does* work by experimenting with sex toys.
Everyone's buttons are different, so what works for you is going to be different than what works for the next person, just as Ambiguous said.
Personally, I've found that it takes strong clitoral stimulation for me to get off (I've yet to discover the joys of g-spot orgasms - can't seem to find the damn thing, although I'm getting closer).
I have to agree with everyone else, though. Don't stress yourself out about it. You're just learning the way your body responds to stimulation and it's a process that doesn't happen instantaneously. Even once you learn about things you like, you'll find you're surprised by finding *new* things that appeal to you.
Try to relax and not worry about it. You'll figure out what will work for you in time, it just takes experimentation and patience.
Just remember there's nothing *wrong* with you. Everyone's body is different and that means that we all need to find ourselves in our own ways. Some people find the right ways sooner than others, but the experimentation process can be a real learning experience that's rewarding for its own reasons.
What it comes down to is that if you're enjoying sex as it is, then there's nothing to worry about. Once you find what works for you it may be even better, but it's not an absolute necessity.
And if you're not enjoying sex as it is, then maybe you can work on enhancing the other parts of the experience that make it enjoyable (the intimacy, the pleasure of seeing your partner enjoy it) until you can figure out how to orgasm.
A very important thing to remember is that if you're trying too hard you're going to make it extremely difficult to get there. I know that if I'm trying too hard to have an orgasm, it's not only almost impossible, but it's also not very pleasurable when it *does* happen.
Good luck on your journey, Leah!
I totally agree with Penance. Just chill out and it will happen... when you least expect it.
Hey, maybe you should focus more on your erogenous zones as a means of turning you on? The power of erogenous play is not to be underestimated!
Some women just don't orgasm, but enjoy what you have, a partner who will try everything to please you, and that is far more important than an orgasm.
Relax and just have fun, maybe one day it will happen but if not it still feels great doesn't it ;)
I completly agree with what's been written here.
I can only orgasm in certain positions. I have never had a so called vaginal or G-Spot orgasm, only clitoral and that can take some time.
Oral sex is the only guaranteed way to make me orgasm.
until just recently, i've never been able to achieve orgasm by penetration alone. in fact, the only way i could orgasm was if i rubbed my own clit. yes, sex was nice, but it was never good enough, and i stated losing all hope, thinking that if only i can do it, why go through all the drama, and give up on it all together.
but it turned out that it was my boyfriends who knew nothing about how and what to do. just recently i met a guy, who not only knows how to walk and talk, he knows EXACTLY where G spot is and how to touch it. he gave me my first g spot orgasm, and i'm telling you - you know nothing until you had one of them. it's easier done with fingers and combinet with oral sex, it lasted for over a minute. i didn't just glow after it. my post-orgasmic glow lit the room so bright! i wish you all get there soon! it's totally worth the wait!
AH. now, personally I didn't find the rabbit all that great, good but not great... Bad Kitty and Penance are spot on, just enjoy being with your other half and have fun ;)
My only advice is to stop concentrating on having to try to orgasm. Your brain is probably getting in the way of it just happening for you. It took me finally becoming comfortable with myself to be come orgasmic. Too bad I just broke up with my boyfriend because we had amazing sex...tons of orgasms. Hope I can find another one that I am so sexually compatible with!
Penance has written you some sage advice! I am currently experiencing the same as you and do think it is because I am trying too hard to have the 'explosion' of an orgasm. I know i need to let go and i'm in a cycle of relax - happening - nothing - relax - happening - gone! I'm so pissed off with myself that its making that cycle ever increasing and ever frustrating!! I vow to enjoy the sensations and not to expect an orgasm...and continue to enjoy the sensations, from all my sexy zones!! We'll get there, tinkerbell!
Forget my last posting. Orgasm back, thanks to advice i gave and read here. Relaxed and thoroughly enjoyed, with a tingle of anticipation for the next one!!
same here. i was expecting much more from Mr Rabbit... i think i got disappointed only coz i was expecting something huge. it was alright, but it doesn;t make me want to run home and get down to business.. in my opinion there are toys better than that
throw your legs over his shoulders!! thats how i finally got my first big one!! also it took ages as i was always worried about peeing myself!!!
I'm glad to hear you got your mojo back! :)