Orgasm help?

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hi everyone,

I wanted to ask about a problem that I know is pretty common but I wanted to see if anyone had any tips or tricks that worked for them. I've never had a vaginal orgasm and, despite my love of sex, I really wish it was part of the experience. People always talk about how great orgasms are and how good they feel but I can't relate to that. Not being able to makes me a lot more insecure and I know that the boyfriend would feel better about the sex we're having (although it is great) if he could get me there too.

I have had a baby within the last year and this has made things even worse for the time being. I know there's things like kegel balls and tightening gel (which I am going to try) but I've been having this issue since before I gave birth to my daughter. I have bought some things to try and help like some tightening gel and libido pills but I'm not sure how well they're going to work.

Has anyone gone through similar? Do you guys have any toy recommendations or ideas I could try with the boyfriend?

2

Have you ever tried using toys or otherwise stimulating your clit during sex? It's not technically a vaginal orgasm, but many women simply cannot orgasm from penetration alone and it's still stronger than a regular clitoral orgasm as you've got the g-spot stimulation going on to make it a blended orgasm. Is it that you don't orgasm during sex at all or just that you'd like to orgasm via penetration only?

3

Yeah, I have rather a lot of toys. I have some designed to target both the clitoris and vaginal penetration and I've spoken to the boyfriend who is well-aware of the issue and he knows women need more than penetration most of the time. I definitely play with myself during penetration though, it adds to the moment but it still doesn't get me there.

I don't feel I've ever really orgasmed during sex, I've had a build up of sorts but rather than feeling like people describe it, it just ebbs away slowly and I just feel tired. I don't feel satisfied and a lot of the time, it ends with myself getting too exhausted to carry on, hence my buying pills to help stamina and libido.

4

If you're not getting results and continuing the same routine then you're not gonna achieve an orgasm...

What toys have you tried? Every woman is different - you may cum from dildos? You may cum from rabbits? You may cum from Gspot vibrater? All four? You may cum from more powerful toys - magic wands. How about butt plugs? I recommend them a lot as they help your toy in your vagina push as such on your gspot.

Dont depend on your boyfriend to get you there. It's self exploration and let yourself discover what it takes. But by all means let him help of course.

Good luck

5

I have all of those. I have a wand, several different dildos ranging from small to quite large, I have a few rabbits, I have g-spot ones, even one that heats up because I thought that might help. I have butt-plugs too and we've used those as well.

I've been trying for years. I don't see the boyfriend too much so I actually spend most of my time trying alone. I've tried wearing lingerie, using all kinds of different toys, restraints, I'm not sure there's much I haven't tried in ways of toys - although I have an odd phobia of suction and so those types are definitely not on my list.

If you could recommend any toys that may help, that would be good. We switch it up every single time we've had sex, so I'm sure that doing the same thing over and over isn't the problem.

8

It's not that I'm necessarily worried, we do have really good sex and I do enjoy it when we play around outside of penetration, it's just that after years of sex it's something I feel like I should experience at least at some point. There are times I have thought I was close but even then, I carry on what I'm doing and it goes away, I try to switch it up, same thing happens. I'm not sure why it is.

I actually have two glass dildos which are absolutely gorgeous and I've used them both alone and with my partner. The cold sensation feels great, but I don't enjoy these as much as other toys I own.

As for positions, we've done the obvious - cowgirls, heels over shoulders, doggy, myself on my side and him kneeling, missionary. I also suggested at one point we try change where we do it because a bed moves under you, so we've tried the floor and all sorts.

For clitoral stimulation I tend to use the wand, especially during doggy style or missionary, and that's the closest I've ever been. We used it once while I was on top as well, but it seemed to get in the way more than anything. I've been thinking of getting a smaller one to try for that.

I've looked into a lot of different research. I know some suggest that it might be because of myself being young, but others say that that is irrelevant, so I'm not too sure. I'm not insecure about my body so much as I used to be, I'm actually most confident during sex and know that I don't need to worry about how I look or about letting go.

I hadn't heard of the love egg. I have a vibrator that's a little smaller so I'll suggest giving that a try next time I see him. I'll see if I can get one too. We have a lot of fun with foreplay though, he likes to tease a lot and get me much more worked up than I would like because he knows we both enjoy that sort of thing.

Thank you for the input so far everyone. :)

9

lmh95 wrote:

Forgot to add. Have you ever tried any orgasm enhancers? Some are not condom safe so if condoms are something you use you would have to be careful to make sure they were compatible with the enhancer.

I have just bought the Durex Play O to try after it being recommended on a thread on here. Fingers crossed it will do the trick :)

We're not using condoms at the moment, I've not long got the implant and we both feel condoms take away from the experience. I have bought some pills and libido/stamina enhancers (for both of us), they just haven't arrived yet. I'm pretty excited to give them a try. I've also bought the orgasm balm they sell here and some bondage tape because I know being restrained might help and we don't have anywhere to use the rope (the boyfriend is inexperienced with tying as well at the moment so I usually still have a lot of room to move around).

11

I have to really concentrate when I'm climaxing. I usually wear a blind fold too, I can't orgasm looking at a cushion or my radio lol. Need to visualize riding a man etc lol.

So maybe you can counter in psychologically to help you orgasm? If you're laying there thinking and anticipating "this is boring" "wasting my time here" "what shall I have for dinner?" Then that won't help

:)

12

Have you tried a vibrating cock ring? I really enjoy the clit stimualtion and it makes my partner's erection last longer, giving more time for me to get there. I also find then less instrusive than trying to hold on to a clitoral vibrator. I have a simillar experience to you, I get close to orgasm during penetrative sex, then all the tension is just relased without the same explosion I get from just clitoral stimalation. It still feels good though, so I just think of them as mini orgasms and keep enjoying myself. I also find if I think about cumming, it won't happen (bizzarely), so I try and stay in the moment and focus on the different sensations I'm feeling and how beautiful my man is. That way the orgasm can sneak up on me. Good luck xx

13

Ok so a few practical suggestions.

Wear your kegal balls, they do work for toning and tightening and they will seriously help with your bladder control in later years. I can't stress enough how important it is to do your pelvic floor excersizes.

ok back to the topic in hand, wear your kegal balls they will help to stimulate you. If your brain keeps getting little messages saying there is movement down there it can get you very turned on, slowly building a feeling of excitement. Mine get me very wet after an hour or two.

Relax, and play with yourself when you feel horny, playing when your not in the mood is just a waist of time. Try being sensual, paying attention to your whole body, caress your breasts, play with your nipples, don't just dive in with a toy. You need forplay even when playing alone.

When you get to playing with a toy, caress yourself with It, rub it between your legs, if it vibrates, hold it gently on your clit, just to get you hot under the collar, then when your gagging for penetration that's the time to take the toy in hand and slide it in. Slowly building speed, depth untill you get to a strong feeling, you might think you should stop at this point, but don't turn it up, and it should take you over the edge.

Once you have had your first orgasm you will know what feeling your looking for. This will allow you to take control when your having sex with your boyfriend, guiding him to harder and faster, or slower and more gentle, to get you there.

Your maybe not going to like this suggestion. When you see your boyfriend, give him a blow job, all the way to finish, the he can spend his recovery time on your forplay, guided by you this could be a really good experience. Then moving onto sex when he has rated and your ready.

I hope this rambling list hasn't scared you. But it's worth a try.

14

I don't actually own any kegel balls yet. They're something I'm holding off on as a want a full set but can't spend too much. I do plan on getting some in the future, eager to try those out.

I have quite a lively sex drive but with my daughter around constantly it gets a bit more difficult. I only try when she's asleep and at this point I'm already horny due to thinking about it all day, so not being horny isn't much of an issue,

See the issue is I get to that point where I do get a strong feeling but it just goes away regardless of what I do and I have to do a full circle of the whole thing again to get to that point. I've been trying all of that for years with no success, I'm not sure why the feeling goes away instead of building up even more. I don't know if I'm subduing it or subconciously blocking it or anything. I tend to be rather relaxed when I'm masturbating and it feels good regardless.

:x Honestly, I give him blow jobs until he cums quite willingly. I think I enjoy giving them more than he enjoys receiving them. He doesn't recover quickly though, from my experience. At least, as long as we've been together he either cums and he's done or we go for a longer time and he holds back so much that it ends up going away (haha, bit awkward but still fun). He likes playing with me though. When we first got together he would tease me for several hours before giving me what I wanted. He's even teased me for days without giving me anything and telling me not to masturbate.

I know it's something I need to figure out on my own, the way to do it, what gets me going and all that stuff, but I do like to hear about how other people manage - when it's easy for people I don't think they understand how difficult it is for me or any one else with the issue of not having an orgasm. I know I shouldn't let it get to me - sex isn't all about the orgasm - but it does get me down at times.

15

I've found that the best position is doggy with the girl pushing her bum up as high as is comfotable so that my penis is aiming directly at the g-spot and she or I can massage her clit at the same time. This has helped with several women who told me they found it really difficult to cum during penetration. Also to get really close to orgasm through foreplay and then the guy enters. I understand how this is getting you down, but you really need to concentrate on enjoying the sex, whatever happens. It's a bit like trying to get to sleep - if you try too hard, you won't!

16

I do enjoy the sex regardless, and it doesn't ruin it at all. But it's been years, so you can understand the frustration. If it was all about orgasming then my OH could say he's unsatisfied - sometimes neither of us orgasm - but it's more to do with myself wanting to experience it. But like I've said, the sex is great.

Doggy style doesn't get me there much at all. I like it but I much prefer having my feet up over his shoulders. I feel the most in that position and, other than the one time we used my wand when I was on top, this position is the closest I've been.

17

My easiest way to orgasm with him inside me is to lay on my back, using my we vibe touch while he enters from in his knees in front of me between my legs. It helps us both to put a cushion under my bum. I find even though I've got a good clit vibrator, the pleasure of using can be obscured by him if he's penetrating to fast with big movements. In order to focus on my orgasm, I like it with a slow rhythm with him just pushing up against me, in a pumping motion without fully withdrawing himself. I find it easier if a have my eyes closed. The most important thing is to be relaxed and comfortable with your partner. The more pressure you put on yourself the harder it can be. (Viscous cycle, I know). I would recommend more solo masterbatuon. Try to master your own body before expecting it to work with someone else.

18

Smaller half wrote:

My easiest way to orgasm with him inside me is to lay on my back, using my we vibe touch while he enters from in his knees in front of me between my legs. It helps us both to put a cushion under my bum. I find even though I've got a good clit vibrator, the pleasure of using can be obscured by him if he's penetrating to fast with big movements. In order to focus on my orgasm, I like it with a slow rhythm with him just pushing up against me, in a pumping motion without fully withdrawing himself. I find it easier if a have my eyes closed. The most important thing is to be relaxed and comfortable with your partner. The more pressure you put on yourself the harder it can be. (Viscous cycle, I know). I would recommend more solo masterbatuon. Try to master your own body before expecting it to work with someone else.

Thank you for the input. As someone with a really high sex drive, I find myself masturbating a lot really. It's a little less now that my daughter is here but I take advantage of her naps. I am going to try a lot of new things with myself though, I've picked up a few gels and such from here to try and see whether they could help. I'm having a look all over the site at toys people find were best and worked well when trying for an orgasm. I'm trying to be more patient with myself if anything, but I'm closer than I ever have been. Clitoral orgams I have managed with a wand but that's as far as I've gotten.

19

If you find you can orgasm with the wand, have you tried using the nuzzle tip attachment? I have used this while I the same position I previously said. That is also very effective. It maybe that you need that kind of power to get the job done :)

20

It wasn't a wand that I bought from here, it was a gift I received from a friend who bought it elsewhere online so it didn't come with any attachments. I'm sure I could find something for it but I might just try out buying a new one from here just to get some variety. I think I need something stronger for definite. Regular vibes that use batteries just aren't strong enough. I love the wand because it uses the mains, meaning its much stronger.

21

Depending on what you have, the attachments sold here might work. If your want has a 7inch circumference and isn't made of silicone, you're good to go! If not, I have the LH mains wand, I think it's amazing, way more power than I will ever need.

22

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22683

23

It might fit, mine has a 7.5inch circumference, so I could possibly give it a try. If not, then I can buy a wand later on when I save up the money for it. Suppose it's a case of being patient. x)