In my last relationship I was involved with a control freak and cutting a long story short , did a lot of stuff on webcam which to be honest I'm ashamed of.
My new partner who was a friend of several years knew all about my swinging history, but when I told him about my past on webcams, has took it quite hard. He knows his feelings are not rational but can't help it.
I love this guy to bits and hope to be married soon, any advice would be really grateful x
Hey meandhim - it's nice to meet you here on the forums and I hope we can be of some help to you.
First of all, you have told him about the past and, as long as you were honest and not hiding things from him (because by bringing it up maybe it's the best idea to get everything out in the open instead of letting certain things fester - chances are he will pick up on hidden feelings and just make the situation worse), you would have done the right thing. If you can honestly own up to things you might have done, and have shown remorse for them, then he will appreciate you being open about it.
Have you discussed your partner's feelings with him and actually discovered what it is about your past actions that have upset him so much? Or was it you telling him and then the two of you not discussing the issue further?
Also, are you still in contact with the ex? Perhaps, if you are, your partner is constantly reminded of your past (and considering that it has obviously hurt you so much), is painful to him too.
I think talking to him further would be the best option. If you are no longer involved in swinging, and this is part of your past, these actions with the ex are (in exactly the same way) part of the past. You just need to reassure him that your are focussed on the future instead (if you're thinking about marriage and a long term commitment, this sums it up no better! Congratulations by the way :)) - we can develop and build on the past, but it doesn't change who we will be.
If it was'nt for my guy I don't know where I would be today. I had serious self esteem issues which my ex used for his own ends. The webcam and swinging scenes were, I thought to save our relationship. As it turned out they were for his own warped satisfaction, I craved the compliments and attention from other guys who were watching my shows.
My guy has pulled me up and has given me a whole new life for which I am eternally grateful and love him to bits for. We have spoke about my past lots of times and he says he has no right to feel how he does but can't help it, its his jealous side. Deep down I love it because I know he won't share me with anyone, be it swinging, cam or swapping photos.
His problem lies in the fact that he can't get over me doing the cam stuff. I've explained and he knows the reasons why i did it. He also can see the new me and knows that its mainly all down to him.
I dont wish to have anything to do with my ex and we're busy getting our wedding sorted out yay!. But i know deep down its hurting him
Aww, I'm very glad for you that you've found him and sorry for what happened before - you get some real manipulative b*stards in the world, and it was unfortunate that you had to get mixed up with one.
In that case, even though it clearly upsets him, do your partner's feelings about your past prevent you from moving forward in your relationship? Is it something that you can see getting better with time, or is it poisoning your relationship? Because if he has accepted that you truely regret it and cut ties with the ex, (it might sound twee and useless) the likelihood is, things will get better.
He is workin through it and its not as though its one of those " in your face " problems. He has said we have more positives than negatives in our life at the momement. On top of that he is really lookin forward to gettin married and our sex is the best that I have ever had.
I know things will get better, thanks for your input, I just really needed to tell someone.
Ah, that's absolutely no problem. Always here to listen and all that, that's what we're here for! Hopefully speak to you soon and I wish you the best of luck with the wedding planning!
Sounds like your chap really loves you, I mean he wants to marry you! I'm sure he can forget about this over time. He could also be angry with your ex and not you, over the way he appears to have manipulated you in the past.
In my last relationship I was involved with a control freak and cutting a long story short , did a lot of stuff on webcam which to be honest I'm ashamed of.
My new partner who was a friend of several years knew all about my swinging history, but when I told him about my past on webcams, has took it quite hard. He knows his feelings are not rational but can't help it.
I love this guy to bits and hope to be married soon, any advice would be really grateful x
You could maybe explain why you did it and as stated how you were manipulated. If he understands you were the victim and maybe suffered from confidence issues and felt controlled he might be able to understand why you felt you needed to do it to keep your ex happy and were trapped.
It will probably appear to him you simply behaved stupidly for a cheap sex thrill, explain this was not the case.