Yes totally agree with that…
Menopause…Periods…Miscarriage…and pregnancy problems. If we can be open about all these which effect men and women it can only help couples and families…
Amniocentesis is another untalked about subject which is an horrific decision to make and go through…
Let’s be open and not embarrassed.
It’ll make us less scared about some of lifes unexpected turns…
Like when the kids were young we referred to their bits by proper names PEnis and vagina and a few parents in the social circle were mortified as theirs used other names like peepee and flower or tiddle and foof
Er No it’s a Penis and Vagina and nothing wrong with kids using that terms
Vulva. 
@Chosen-one I’ve always used willy and fru. I’ve always found it better than pee pee, tuppy, tuppence, sparrow etc
@CurvyJilly Amniocentesis had to Google it. Yes I agree. I’ve spoken about it with friends. I didn’t realise it was something people don’t talk about
100% agree with this
This is one of the joys of this forum, we can discuss anything and get advice, info or just support. Medical issues are especially important to talk about, as the sexual/reproductive or bodily function issues are rarely discussed. Hopefully anyone with a problem can post it here, and at least one other member will have experience and advice to offer.
I’ve always been open about periods with friends and family - less so at work because it really isn’t any business of colleagues who are not friends, unless time off is needed.
Not many women are, though, it seems. Still often something to be kept quiet rather than out there in the real world?
I had the big heavy clotty ones too @CurvyJilly - later a scan showed adenomyosis. Wish I’d known that earlier! Explains a lot of pain and nausea and these things should be talked about as they affect our health, work and relationships.
@Ian_Chimp if you are inviting stories, I have scooped up clots before and taken them to my GP, in case of early miscarriage (I’ve had premature babies due to a blood clotting disorder). They were normal tissue, but vomit-inducing to pass. It can be quite a lot of blood-loss. My periods were like that from age 11. The same pain drug is still prescribed - as far as I know - nearly 40 years later.
Thank f*ck I don’t get periods any more. Menopause brings other issues, and 'm happy to discuss those.
We’ve also been open with the kids from the start. No ‘big conversation age 9’ for ours - they just grew up knowing everything, age appropriately. We are body positive and sex positive and so far this has been better than either of our upbringings in this respect.
Don’t get me started on amniocentesis tests - nothing like having a child with Down’s to get friends / acquaintances / family (a) telling you about the steps they took to avoid the life you ended up with, or (b) ignoring you completely - in case ‘bad’ luck is catching?
I don’t know why some people behave that way - damned if you have a test, damned if you don’t. However open we may choose to be about universal experiences (e.g. having periods or knowing someone who has them), some of our personal choices are not public property until we decide that they are.
(I do just want to add that genetic history has nothing to do with Down’s (the condition mostly tested for via amniocentesis, as well as some rarer syndromes). It is mostly luck and an amnio test gives a choice of whether or not to continue a pregnancy - it doesn’t lead to other tests as far as I know?)
@MsR we had the perfect storm of Endometriosis and ITP, not sure if that’s the same blood clotting disorder as you? But it lead to early hysterectomy and no kids. The decision to have a hysterectomy so young was not easy, and was compounded by going into hospital psychologically prepared, having transfusions of platelets and being sent home, because the immune system had destroyed them too quickly to risk a major operation. This happened 3 times, and i cannot describe the mental effect it had on my OH. Now her immune system has been attacking her joints for the last 15 years. She is in varying but constant pain, and the Covid crisis has stopped some of her treatment. Luckily today, she has had a phone consultation with the consultant and they are going to restart the 6 monthly transfusions of steroids, antibiotics and chemo drugs which will hopefully bring the flare ups down a bit. Fingers crossed.
Yes @MsR that is so true
“You’re damned if you do…
And you’re damned if you dont”
You think you know what you’ll do if that blood test comes back less than ?/100 but when it actually does it’s not that easy to make what can be a life changing decision.
We’re similar. When the kids ask me stuff I just tell them. Though sometimes I have to google it first.
Yes, that sounds right.
My youngest is 11, so things may have changed, but at the first scan there was the option of a blood test to better assess the chance of Downs (etc). The scan itself gave a risk factor based on age and a measurement taken at the back of the embryo’s neck.
If the blood test gave a high reading people were offered an amniocentesis test which draws off amniotic fluid for a specific and accurate DNA result.
After the amnio the only options are to continue or to terminate, which must be a tremendously difficult decision.
I can only talk about my own experience.
We have 3 kiddies - they were planned pregnancies and we decided that we took the risk at conception, so we just had the two standard scans.
We were given good odds each time, but they are odds and we were that 1 in 800, or whatever. It has been a learning curve but we wouldn’t change our boy for the world. He’s a delight - he is happy, and so are we.
You have to do what’s best for you regardless of people turning their noses up.
In our group of friends it’s never been a big issue really. I had the test. It came bk ok but I’d already made the decision to terminate if he was. Being disabled myself it would have been too hard. Regardless of peoples opinions/ views on termination it was my decision. They weren’t the ones bringing up the child it would be me.
I’ve had to be careful with contraception… I’ve been on meds that could cause cleft pallette if I got caught
What a fantastic heartfelt thread…
Love to everyone…
Hopefully I wasn’t coming across too ‘pro-life’, as I’m very much ‘pro-choice’. For us, getting pregnant was a mini-miracle, as Mrs Chimp had already had quite a few appointments at the infertility clinic (early menopause), and they’d said she pretty much only had the eggs from Easter leftover. To get twins was an incredible blag, and I think we’d have been happy no matter what.
It’s the kids first week at school this week, and I’ve caught the obligatory headcold so my replies may be a bit sludgy today. If I say anything stupid/clumsy I promise to come back and make up for it later.
@Ian_Chimp get better soon! Everyone in my son’s year has all got colds all of a sudden.
I am very much pro-life. Took us nearly 3 years to conceive. I’d have been devastated if I actually had to go through with a termination but unfortunately I had to think of how my body will deteriorate v
Absolutely agree. Some decisions are heartbreaking and it is impossible to know what to do for the best because we can’t see into the future. We all just do the best with the hand we are dealt.
@WillC and your wife, that all sounds awful - people are so brave.
An early hysterectomy and no kids would destroy some couples and be a blessing to others - impossible to discuss properly here so I hope you both have good and supportive friends / family to talk to. It sounds like it was very hard for you both, and I’m sorry you have had to go through that.
Good luck to your wife now that her treatment has restarted
@MsR thank you! To be honest we have just took it in our stride, doted on nieces and nephews and took on rescue dogs. I won’t lie and say it’s been easy.The R.A. is a bitch but i help out with household chores etc as much as possible . She is a tough cookie and doesn’t let it stop her doing much, she still works (30 hours a week) as being inactive would see her seize up completely and she needs the social aspect, she does an exercise class too. It’s just another day to us now. But having pain in most joints apart from the jaw and spine that varies from a dull ache to agony does get her down. I am very proud of her, as she has raised so much money for various charities, by abseling from the roof of her workplace twice, organising and appearing in a calendar girls type naughty calendar, baking amazing cakes and most recently doing 10,000 steps a day during furlough. All that and she has to put up with me! 