honest ladies to offer advice to males

trying to introduce things to my gf is very hard!love her to bits but she very apprehensive about me even going down on her unless she drunk.she enjoys it when we do. how could i try the likes of oral with her sober without making her awkward?!

Take you time and build up to it, perhaps a bath together, to relaxx, then towel her off on the bed and as you do so pay slightly more attention to that area, first manually and the gentle licks....

Same 'problem' here - I'd love to go down on my wife so much more often because a) she seems to love it when I do and b) I love being down there! Seems strange it's such a rare occurrence...

Have you tried playing with flavoured lube ? She maybe is worried about whar she'll taste like down there.

Play with it on all areas of each other.., literally everywhere and anywhere. Then gradually progress down there.....telling her she's going to taste so good . Doesn't have to just be lube......anything that you both like the taste of is fine. Just don't use marmite.....it stings like hell and she'll probably end up with a yeast infection ! xx

Terri JJ, what, you actually tried Marmite down there?

Love it or Hate it. Marmite.

Blimey - I just wrote a long reply and it has vanished! I'll try to summarise:

Firstly, Terri's advice is good. She may be unsure about how much you like being down there, worried about how she looks / tastes. Women get a lot of messages online about this kind of thing and it is impossible to conform to ridiculous ideas. Reassure her that you enjoy it.

Secondly, she may not be used to saying what she likes. I love oral, but it doesn't make me orgasm - I need firmer clitoral finger-work for that. Ask, or find out what you like together. Communicate - that is key.

Thirdly, take a lot of time. i have read that, on average, women can take 45 mins of 'foreplay' to be ready for more overt sexual activity. Go slow, tease each other, and focus first on whole body pleasure, not just the obvious bits.

Take a couple to drinks upstairs to relax - lovely thing to do. But being drunk does no one any favours - it can reduce sensations and there are consent issues. Try massage (with candles?) to relax together, or a bubble bath or foot-rub?

Good luck!

I'm another guy whose partner doesn't especially welcome oral. General preconceptions are that women love oral and men hate doing it, but there's already three of us in this thread who find the opposite. Obviously we're all different in what we enjoy, and it makes sense that some women just don't like oral that much. You could certainly try setting the right atmosphere and getting her nice and relaxed with a bath, massage, candles, footrub, glass of wine, etc. But ultimately it might not be nerves/awkwardness, and she might just not be into it. Just try your best to find out if that's the case in a non-pressure way.

cheers for tips peeps,..8 years together still she dosent like me seeing her pussy(she has her curtains on the outside)she still thinks all vaginas should be perfect (pornstar) looks...all vaginas are different,how can i convince her that all i want is hers?!

MsR.she orgasms from normal sex pretty easily,one of a few that does!it gets boring after a while though

Dom624 wrote:

cheers for tips peeps,..8 years together still she dosent like me seeing her pussy(she has her curtains on the outside)she still thinks all vaginas should be perfect (pornstar) looks...all vaginas are different,how can i convince her that all i want is hers?!

There was a documentary on Channel 4 a few months back called 100 Vaginas (though it's actually about vulvas) by an artist called Laura Dodsworth. Basically she's taken photos of a 100 women's lady parts and then has a discussion with them about how they feel about how they look. It's very honest and covers a lot of different subjects (menstruation, virginity, childbirth, sexual assault). Ultimately it's trying to dispel some of the myths about 'perfect vaginas/vulvas' and show that they come in a multitude of shapes which are all uniquely beautiful.

If you google '100 Vaginas' you should find some of the newspaper reviews as well as the show itself, so you can have a read of those if you want more of a heads up about what it's about. 👍

Ian Chimp wrote:

If you google '100 Vaginas' you should find some of the newspaper reviews as well as the show itself, so you can have a read of those if you want more of a heads up about what it's about. 👍

The Guardian had an interview with the artist and also with several of the women featured, with photos and their thoughts... it was really interesting! She's done similar projects on penises and (I think?) breats.

See for me, I absolutely love oral. My god, I cannot get enough of it HOWEVER when Mr L is down there I cannot for the life of me shut off. I think, how does it smell, how does it look, have I missed any hairs when shaving... the list goes on. No wonder she loves it when shes had a drink, shes lost that worrying edge that we all have.

Like others have said, go slow. Maybe don't even focus so much on her vagina.. Kiss around her legs, all around that area and slowly build up. I also find that 69 helps, I am so focused on giving Mr L pleasure, and also enjoying the pleasure he is giving me that I forget to worry about silly things like that.

Good luck!

Hi Dom624.

Agree with the other posts; could be a body image thing.

Have you considered whether it's a medical, or germophobic kinda worry, perhaps?

My OH's thoughts: You didn't mention whether your GF likes to keep things pretty vanilla, or whether she'd prefer to be dominated in the bedroom. My missus loves to be dominated, and my going down on her feels like I'm in a submissive position. She loves it in certain situations, like after I’ve dominated her for a while (aftercare) but never to initiate sex: more dessert than starter!

Definitely one to talk through with care though, and do your homework on if submission’s her thing. BDSM is advanced play, as boundaries need to be established & respected.

In any case, have you tried talking about her desires outside the bedroom? Talking things through with your GF away from pressures to perform is definitely helpful for us. Honest and open communication is really good for working things like this out.

There’s no need at all to pressure her and make out she’s letting you down. Be positive: For one, you can emphasise the other positives in your relationship. With oral, tell her how much you love it. The taste, the smell, the sight of her pussy, the feeling of enjoying her body, etc. She may come round to the idea more if she knows how much you love it. It may not be her thing though. We’re all different, after all.

Good luck!

I used to be really worried about sight, smell and taste with oral but my current partner has helped me dispel all of my worries by being patient, complimentary and very very good at it! I think that as I have got older I work on the principle that if he really didn't like it then he wouldn't head down that way. Maybe a sexy shower together would help too with the worrying about not being clean?