How can I stop getting jealous of my boyfriend wanking

Hay so my boyfriend likes to wank like most men but some times he will tell me to go to bed I'm knowing full well why so he can wank and then he can get funny with me as in he don't want to have sex with me he's just starting saying he want to have a break from sex drone time to time but I have a really high sex drive I don't no what to do I would pleasure my self but I don't have any toys and i feels weird when I use my fingers 😫 What do I do please help

Peaches this is easy. Buy c*ck cage and lock him in it. He won't be able to play at all. Change the padlock that comes with it and hide the spare keys very well or even better give them to a friend to look after, it's up to you if you decide to tell the friend what the keys are for.

Obviously you know your own relationship but I would be asking why he would rather wank than have sex with you.

I see you are a mum - how old is your child and could this have anything to do with it?

Have you actually talked to him about it and told him how it makes you feel?

As for satisfying yourself there are so many toys, which don't have to be intimidating or expensive, so perhaps you should take the plunge and purchase a couple for your own pleasure.

Ultimately I think you really need to have a conversation with your OH to find out why he does this, but mainly to let him know it upsets you.

Good luck xxx

I would speak to him about it, it's normal for them to wank often for sure but not usually instead of getting intimate with you, as well as sure but I would be asking why he'd rather wank away from you?

Let him know how it makes you feel, he may not be aware it's annoying you.

If you have a power shower that could help you out in the meantime πŸ˜€ maybe time to treat yourself to a toy or two and see how you like them xx

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Completely agree with the comments above about being honest and having a conversation about it.

But as I know lots of guys don't always like talking about things like this; buy yourself some toys and when he wants you to go to bed so he can have a wank, start pleasuring yourself with them in front of him. No doubt it will drive him wild and he will be joining in!

If you can't beat them, join them!


Does he have a kink or fetish that he needs you out of the way before he can play.

Is he looking at certain types of porn on a lap top for example.

You deffo need to talk. If it is not too off centre, then maybe you might enjoy it too.

If it is a kink or fetish, understanding is top requirement.

Modo wrote:

Does he have a kink or fetish that he needs you out of the way before he can play.

Is he looking at certain types of porn on a lap top for example.

You deffo need to talk. If it is not too off centre, then maybe you might enjoy it too.

If it is a kink or fetish, understanding is top requirement.

This might be solid advice. I have a thing for T-girls and was too ashamed to share my kink with my wife so would masturbate alone to it then feel really awful about myself. Now totally honest with her it's changed everything. But despite having a amazing, solid relationship with each other over so 18 years I still couldn't share.

I'd ask...but do not push too hard for info in case it really alienates him. Let him know your there to share without judgement.

Perhaps tell him that it would really turn you on to watch him masturbate - maybe suggest you both wanked at the same time and watch each other. This may lead to the intimacy you need and want.

Communication is always the key in situations like this.

I understand your difficulty...and wish you all the luck in the world.

Me and my husband have been together 8 years married for 6, we have a special needs 6 year old. He works nights.

weve not had sex in almost a year, his nights off I do the I'm off to bed you coming up line, he seems keen and hour later I'm falling asleep he's still downstairs on the Xbox.

Friends know this won't last much longer between us and not because of the sex but I hear what you are saying.

Secret Scarlet, Modo and MDH have said everything I was going to say! He may have a fetish or like a certain type of porn that he watches when you've gone to bed, perhaps he's embarrassed about telling you about it. So that would be resolved by gently asking him, and if he has one, asking him to share it - you may enjoy it too! And if not, that's fine too. But at least you'll know if that's the reason.

I also think that maybe some guys don't realise how much girls like to masturbate too? And the fact that we can actually be turned on by watching them do it! So you could ask him to masturbate in front of you, and you join in too. Sex isn't just about penetration, mutual masturbation or watching each other is hot as hell! It's definitely worth a chat with him, and let him know you won't judge in case he does have a fetish he's not keen to share.

Bottom line is, people in relationships often still play with themselves, nothing wrong with that. But when it starts to replace the intimacy you have together then it's not helpful. Good luck and I hope you get it sorted! ☺️

Sounds really mean to be honest. Theres no way i'd be putting up with that! Telling you to go to bed? Erm? Is he your father? NO. Why is he telling you to 'go to bed' like your a little girl ????!!!!! Wow lol

You need to have a serious chat with him. I wont repeat what others have said but pretty much agree. Good luck!


To be honest, I probably fall into the "husbands" catagory here. I can totally understand why you would feel hurt that your husband is choosing "alone time" over being intimate with you when you want sex. But sometimes, that is just how it is.

I have a great sex life with my girlfriend, we have sex most days and I really enjoy her. Most of the time I'm 100% in the mood to have sex with her. But sometimes (maybe once or twice a week) I'd honestly rather just do it myself.

Sometimes I'm tired, grumpy, achey, don't have the energy that sex involves, or just simply don't feel like it. At those times, a quick go with my Lovehoney magic wand is just much more convenient. It usually takes under 5 minutes and just satisfies the urge without all of the extra effort and mess.

Maybe your husband is similar- needs to get rid of blue balls but is just tired or not in the mood for sex? Or as others have suggested, maybe he has a fetish he doesn't feel he can explore with you. Definitely talk to him, let him know how you feel, and get reassurance that it isn't about you.

As for satisfying yourself, you should definitely buy a toy! It will change your life and you may even find that there are times you'd rather have a quickie on your own too! Self love is important I think. Sometimes it's good just to explore yourself and give yourself exactly what you want without factoring in someone else. But I'd hope he still gets intimate with you regularly and makes you feel like a rockstar.

Good luck!

I'm one of those people that believe some masturbation in a relationship is healthy. We all need our alone time and space to discover our preferences, unwind or destress. If masturbation becomes a substitute for sex or intimacy and begins to replace it, that's when it becomes unhealthy. If he would rather masturbate than engage in sexual relations with you on a regular basis then there is a problem.

If you're in the second scenario then it might be a case of him having a fetish he hasn't shared with you as others have mentioned, it might be that he's extremely stressed/tired and masturbating is a quick and easy way for him to unwind and get himself off before bed, it might be some sort of medical issue or performance anxiety or it could be something like death grip syndrome. If he's so used to masturbating in a certain way other sex acts may not feel good to him or bring him to orgasm, so he would rather do the job himself.

You need to communicate and understand where he is coming from. You are not going to find the answers by ignoring the issue and becoming upset/jealous about it. Being jealous will make you resent him eventually. Sit down and have a chat. Talk about your concerns and feelings and see what he has to say.

In the meantime, I would recommed getting yourself some sex toys. There are lots to choose from and so many affordable options out there now. If you'd like recommendations just ask as the members of the forum will be happy to help. As for using your fingers and it feeling weird, do you mean when using them internally or externally? Or both?

Thank you for the advice we have spoken before and I'm starting to understand why and trying to over come it and with the toy situation I have got the money to buy one just about getting by

Lots of good advice here can't add much more but I often used the deals on this site when I first joined you can get like 3 toys for 10 or 20 quid at times they are good deals for buying things you've never tried before. Some of my first toys were really cheap versions some off here some from elsewhere and then I've upgraded when I realised I really enjoyed them . the masturbation together is a great idea if you're not too shy I find that a big turn up for both people involved :)